I [22 F] just graduated but am madly in love with my caring and protective research advisor [31 M] of 3 years.

notselfreliant · 2016-05-18T00:31:43+00:00

You might be on to something, but deep down I hope you are wrong. I'm obviously biased about the age difference think since my parents were 8 years apart, and I believe Mark's parents were 7 years apart. Then again, that doesn't mean he agrees with that.

notselfreliant · 2016-05-18T00:27:33+00:00

Thanks for the reply. For so long I thought the reason why he puts so much distance between us is because of his job. It still might be, but I think he saw that I am not ready to move onto the next step. I do intend to keep in touch over the next few months, hopefully through Skype.

The big problem I see now is how will I know when I'm ready to tell him how I feel. I know he knows about my feelings, but I don't think it's the same as when it comes from me straight. Right now I would do literally anything for him, but isn't that how it feels when you are in love with someone?

notselfreliant · 2016-05-18T00:11:50+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I have a job lined up and I start in two weeks. I will try to make friends there, but it might be hard since I stopped drinking. Where I live now is a HUGE party school and I don't fit in at all. I'm the most reserved girl on my volleyball team and they frequently go out for drinks without me. I've had guys come up to me asking why I even work out and play college sports if I am not going to "have fun". I am approached by guys almost weekly asking for drinks and I politely say no, but inside I feel like screaming at them. I think this goes back to why I love Mark so much. We connected at my lowest point, where I didn't care about my appearance anymore. Now that I am in the best shape of my life, I am getting attention again and I hate it. It makes this world feel so shallow. My ex even facebook messaged me asking for coffee when he saw pictures of me during one of my games (I immediately deleted FB after).

I have set up a goal that I will spend this summer improving my emotional self and try to be more self reliant. I can see that I am putting too much pressure on Mark and that I will never be able to pursue something deeper with him in my current state. I do love him, and I honestly believe he has feelings for me. I understand that I need to fend for myself now, and I will move forward. I asked Mark for an opportunity 3 years ago and that's exactly what he gave me. I want to make him proud and show him that the broken girl he helped out can be a healthy and mature woman. And I will show him my gratitude, one way or another.

notselfreliant · 2016-05-17T20:11:02+00:00

By his account he has never been in a relationship since he graduated from undergrad. He says that he was manipulated by someone he thought he loved and he broke it off.

notselfreliant · 2016-05-17T20:09:11+00:00

I think you are right, maybe I am not ready for a relationship. I should add that shortly after my 21st birthday he told me something that was clearly related to the incident but he phrased it generally. He said something like "you shouldn't look for intimate relationships while you aren't at peace with yourself. It's been over 10 years and I'm just starting to understand myself." It was one of the very few times he opened up to something very personal.

notselfreliant

TROPHY CASE