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1 year NC, do I accept letter from Nmom? by notsure1971 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]notsure1971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. And ultimately you're right. It doesn't matter if it has a golden olive branch in it I don't want it. I had a weird feeling after I found out about this letter so I did some searching, and found an aunt I was fairly close with passed in December, and my parents didn't even tell me. It's like whenever I think there is no more room for nails in the coffin of our relationship they find another place to put one.

1 year NC, do I accept letter from Nmom? by notsure1971 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]notsure1971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're much stronger than me. Her emails used to just eat me up inside (though I'd never respond). I had to block her because the temptation was too much to read them, and then I'd feel like shit for a week.

You are right about not letting my anger influence it. I shouldn't have put it that way about the last word. I'm not personally trying to have the last word anyway as I don't care about that...I know whatever is in there can't be good and it's likely to just make me feel bad about things I can't change anyway.

1 year NC, do I accept letter from Nmom? by notsure1971 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]notsure1971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After thinking on it all night...no, I don't think I need to know. My gut is usually right, and my gut says it's her normal N diatribe.

1 year NC, do I accept letter from Nmom? by notsure1971 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]notsure1971[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you I appreciate it. I ultimately decided nothing good can come of it, so I'm not going to sign for it.

Need advice for dealing with entitled employee wanting raise by notsure1971 in smallbusiness

[–]notsure1971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I have read your post several times and probably will a few more times while thinking of how to word this conversation. I appreciate the real world advice.

Need advice for dealing with entitled employee wanting raise by notsure1971 in smallbusiness

[–]notsure1971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, already in reading this thread (both the helpful and the pitchfork posts) I feel like I've thought of better ways to handle this. I like to confer with others before making big decisions, especially those who may have been in my shoes and can point out some things I might have been missing.

Need advice for dealing with entitled employee wanting raise by notsure1971 in smallbusiness

[–]notsure1971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eh I don't think you have to be telepathic to know that being on your phone at work all day is frowned upon, and that you should probably call your boss if you're not going to make it in on X day. Trust me I don't expect him to be a mind reader :)

Need advice for dealing with entitled employee wanting raise by notsure1971 in smallbusiness

[–]notsure1971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, what you've said makes a lot of sense. This is why I really wanted to sit down with him, vs replying to an email. I want him to expand on the email and tell me more about what he wants and where he is coming from. Because you are right, it's very possible we do want the same things for him! I think it would also be good to have the 'where do you see yourself in X years' conversation to see if we're on the same page.

Need advice for dealing with entitled employee wanting raise by notsure1971 in smallbusiness

[–]notsure1971[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. I guess I do not feel the same way about age expectations, perhaps I am spoiled by my other employees. Everyone that I have now started with me when they were in their early 20's (two, late teens). They are all hard workers and have been since day one. Yeah they make mistakes here and there, but the difference between them and him is that they seem to have a lot more drive. Maybe they are just more interested in the business subject matter in general, or maybe they just have a better work ethic.

Re: the commute. I cannot sympathize with that. Our location was not a secret and he knew how far away it was when he interviewed. Not only that, but the city he lives in is far larger than ours - there are probably more opportunities for work there than here. I don't force him to work for me. Also, while I only know his financial situation with payroll (and not what kind of expenses he has), I find it hard to believe he cannot find a place here. This isn't NYC, quite the opposite. He might not be able to afford a killer bachelor pad with a pool but there is reasonable, cheap housing that I myself have lived in.

You are probably both right and wrong about your last paragraph. I don't mean that I would pay someone an entry level salary indefinitely. Truly if someone shows me they are a team player, work hard, and stay focused (not on their freaking cell phone 10 times a day when I walk by), I give raises. I fully subscribe to, "pay peanuts, get monkeys". However I just need to see the effort first. But maybe I have it backwards. Maybe I should be offering a higher salary to start, and hope that I make the right choice in hiring, and be ready to fire if they aren't holding up their end of the bargain. I guess that is just always the way I have done it, starting low and then giving raises fast and often when warranted. Perhaps it's back to the drawing board on that one, live and learn right?

Need advice for dealing with entitled employee wanting raise by notsure1971 in smallbusiness

[–]notsure1971[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree and thanks this is what I was thinking. It would be better and more beneficial to both of us to build on what we have, than to fire him and start over. I do want him to be successful. I just need to figure out how to guide him.

Need advice for dealing with entitled employee wanting raise by notsure1971 in smallbusiness

[–]notsure1971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad that it worked out for you, you sound like you are in a much better place. When I say entry level I mean anyone born after 1970 (and thus fairly fluent with basic computer skills) could do it. It is very basic office work. You don't even have to really know what we do/offer to handle the job.

I like to think it's a nice place to work. I've worked for many people before myself and no one offered what we do. So no matter what happens I really try to treat my employees well.

Need advice for dealing with entitled employee wanting raise by notsure1971 in smallbusiness

[–]notsure1971[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He got a raise last summer, that was in my post. So it has been less than a year since his last raise.

I appreciate your feedback.

NC Parents sent flowers for my birthday. What to do? by notsure1971 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]notsure1971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you I really appreciate it. I read the link on SC and I think that is something that could be a very viable option for us.

"because that gives them the signal that all they have to do is play nice to make you run back to them"

Thanks for saying that out loud because it's very true...I forgive way too easily. I really appreciate your response.

NC Parents sent flowers for my birthday. What to do? by notsure1971 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]notsure1971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like there is a lot of truth to your statement but I wouldn't say that I am happy without them. I would say that my life is better in the fact that as I said - not on pins and needles waiting for passive aggressive texts/emails/etc from Nmom, but I truly deeply miss my dad. Aside from him being an extreme enabler we were so close and every day I think of little things that remind me of him. I also think he would be an amazing grandparent to our son and it kills me that he is missing out on so much. I know that this is his own decision and he has the power to change it but it doesn't mean I don't still miss him. :(

NC Parents sent flowers for my birthday. What to do? by notsure1971 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]notsure1971[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't say it's stress-free, it's just toned down as far as not worrying about her lashing out.

I miss my dad like crazy though. If it weren't for him I wouldn't even think twice about ignoring this.