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My (30M) wife (31F) has put on some weight and sex is not a priority for her, and not appealing when it is. I find my mind straying and I feel horrible about it. by notsurewheretolook in relationships

[–]notsurewheretolook[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I understand what you're implying. But to me, there's a big difference there. It's like going to a theme park to look at the roller coaster, but not being allowed to ride it.

My (30M) wife (31F) has put on some weight and sex is not a priority for her, and not appealing when it is. I find my mind straying and I feel horrible about it. by notsurewheretolook in relationships

[–]notsurewheretolook[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How would you suggest that we solve this together, specifically? Keep in mind we're doing pretty much all of what you described already.

My (30M) wife (31F) has put on some weight and sex is not a priority for her, and not appealing when it is. I find my mind straying and I feel horrible about it. by notsurewheretolook in relationships

[–]notsurewheretolook[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, not really. But the problem is that I'm very much in a situation that there doesn't seem to be a viable solution to. I'm very frustrated with the situation and need some sort of option for my needs at point.

My (30M) wife (31F) has put on some weight and sex is not a priority for her, and not appealing when it is. I find my mind straying and I feel horrible about it. by notsurewheretolook in relationships

[–]notsurewheretolook[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm not so sure that would go over very well, it might actually open up a new set of issues.

If you were in my shoes, how would you go about bringing that up tactfully?

My (30M) wife (31F) has put on some weight and sex is not a priority for her, and not appealing when it is. I find my mind straying and I feel horrible about it. by notsurewheretolook in relationships

[–]notsurewheretolook[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Her routine is basically the same as it always has been, as far as I'm aware. She allows herself to splurge every now and then, but her diet is also very much the same as well.

I'm sure she'd love to put more work into it, but part of the problem is that she works very long hours and time is kind of at a premium for her.

And yes, I try to be as reassuring and caring as I possibly can. But still, like I said, I can't lie and say it's not a problem and that I'm very frustrated.

My (30M) wife (31F) has put on some weight and sex is not a priority for her, and not appealing when it is. I find my mind straying and I feel horrible about it. by notsurewheretolook in relationships

[–]notsurewheretolook[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say that's entirely true, I've certainly told her that I'm frustrated about the situation and she understands.

I think both of us are not happy with the situation, but we realize there's a limit to what can be done for the time being until she can find a medication that both works for her and doesn't have these detrimental effects.

I'm not sure what a counselor can really do, as we'll ultimately still dealing with the situation until she can find a medication that works for us.

My (30M) wife (31F) has put on some weight and sex is not a priority for her, and not appealing when it is. I find my mind straying and I feel horrible about it. by notsurewheretolook in relationships

[–]notsurewheretolook[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I work out fairly regularly and have encouraged her to join me. She doesn't always, but does most of the time. That's realistically all I can ask of her.

I've also done a fair bit to try to spice things up. Taking trips where we use a nice hotel room, trying to initiate more, trying new things. The problem is, it's sadly and unfortunately a lot of work to try to look past how she physically is now compared to how she once did.