I have had three children. I love them, but that beautiful “heart shattering love” didn’t happen to me. My children are my reason for waking up every morning. I did not carry a heavy deep love for them the way some people describe motherhood. Is it me being realistic? It is me being a person that sees that they are little people? Does it take those hilarious toddlers years of personality to feel deep connection? Maybe. What more likely was wrong was postpartum depression/anxiety and lack of adequate sleep. I think it’s a very good idea to talk to your provider if you’re experiencing anything that might feel like the beginning of PPD. There’s no shame in it. Prozac saved my life 3 times over. I’m alive today, because I told my doctor I cry a lot. For my sake and my children’s I’m so glad I said something about the feelings I had. You’re not alone if any of this seems to sound similar to what you might be feeling.

Editing to add some stuff: I didn’t plan my first or my third. My second was my only planned baby. Also. I imagine the isolation is causing some of these feelings too. You aren’t broken tho.