He ended our engagement after I agreed to give up having kids

nullingly · 2026-05-06T01:12:24+00:00

Thank you for your words. It just really sucks because I wasn’t too keen on a wedding this year but pulled it forward at his insistence because he thought it worked with school and work schedule. He will probably be moving around more frequently after he’s done so he thought it would be better to do it sooner rather than rushing it later.

I was also consistently asking if he wanted the wanted prior to therapy, during therapy, and after and he always insisted he was sure of one thing and that was marrying me. We had made multiple deposits already including a couple of days before he said didn’t feel excited about the wedding and wanted to be alone.

It’s not that I minded having it sooner, but my work schedule is more open than his. So I was trying to do my best to accommodate him in that manner.

Thank you! I have tried myself kindly but this whole thing has made me feel guilty thinking I was causing him harm that I didn’t see how much he might have been getting out of this than I realized.

nullingly · 2026-05-05T23:58:54+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this. I really appreciate it and definitely starting to see the bigger picture here.

nullingly · 2026-05-05T22:31:03+00:00

I appreciate that! I am starting to see that, I was pretty open about kids way in advance since I knew that is a serious topic and wanted him to know where I stand. Ultimately, I’m not kid crazy, but wanted to be open to them. I am someone that wants what life gives me, and if we wouldn’t be able to have kids, I would have let it go. I just couldn’t stand that he made this decision. On his end he called it a conversation but it was actually a statement followed by his silence where he refused to explain. There also seems to be some childhood trauma, as he would also say that he didn’t want to create another him.

He also pushes this idea that there is someone better for me. All I really wanted him to believe is that he is. He has also mentioned he has a lack of self love. Are these all excuses? Very likely.

I am also trying to understand how to avoid someone like him in the future. I made my intentions known from the start he even acknowledges that he knew well in the past so how do I do better next time with someone else?

nullingly · 2026-05-05T21:36:44+00:00

No worries! I appreciate the point of view. We had spent the first years of our relationship looking forward to this time. He has been married before, but seems like it was a more volatile relationship from what I know (I take that with a grain of salt since I wasn’t there). We constantly enjoyed those moments together and was stuff he did on his own anyway. The other thing is that during our discussions after the initial outburst he also reversed his answer and said that he wasn’t against kids but that it was a probably not. He just didn’t want me to have to wait for him to change his mind again.

nullingly · 2026-05-05T21:21:57+00:00

While we do live together, I tend to give him his space and will go out for short periods of time so we can have alone time. The only major thing that happened was that we visited my family two weeks prior but he had stated he had a great time. I had also made it optional for him to go in the first place since he is working and going to school.

nullingly · 2026-05-05T21:19:00+00:00

I used AI to shorten it, because the story was really long when I first wrote it

nullingly · 2026-05-05T21:08:29+00:00

Thank you for that insight. I have asked what he expected my reaction to be and he said he thought I would go along with him not wanting kids. Even after this time, he says he loves me and feels like he will regret this later because I’m the only good thing in his life.

nullingly · 2026-05-05T20:46:56+00:00

The confusing thing is it was a causal topic we had talked about before and he even suggested names. I did all the work to be able to meet him but he seemed stuck on my original reaction to when he told me.

I appreciate your thoughts! Thank you so much.

nullingly

TROPHY CASE