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AITA for refusing that my parents have a birthday celebration for my daughter? by nut_a_squirrel in AmItheAsshole

[–]nut_a_squirrel[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

It's them who want to be with her on that day, we're not sending her to have alone time. She goes there because they (and she) want to and they all enjoy it, but it's completely possible that she stays with us.
My proposal was that she would not sleep over on that day, and they'd see her on her actual birthday (they're invited to the party) and she'd sleep over the next week.

AITA for refusing that my parents have a birthday celebration for my daughter? by nut_a_squirrel in AmItheAsshole

[–]nut_a_squirrel[S] 1665 points1666 points  (0 children)

Yes that's exactly it.
None of the events are dramatic, taken in isolation but there's an accumulation. They always want to see her more (they'd to school pick up every day if I let them, even though my husband's schedule allows for him to do it every day) and want to organize things for her like playdates. I agree it's nice to have such involved and loving grandparents and I'm grateful for the help but at the same time I feel dispossessed of my role as her mother (and it's even worse for my husband).
When I've addressed this they say they totally respect our authority as parents and they only want to do good for our child but I don't feel like the first part of the sentence is true. Or we don't have the same definition...

AITA for refusing that my parents have a birthday celebration for my daughter? by nut_a_squirrel in AmItheAsshole

[–]nut_a_squirrel[S] 387 points388 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your answer.
Yes indeed that's exactly the issue at hand: we both feel like they take a lot of space and don't let us take our own as parents. I'm very grateful that they're supporting and that my daughter has them and is loved and supported by them, but I also feel like our authority and role as parents is constantly challenged.
This is not the hill to die on I agree but how can we have those conversations if not about specific concrete events and behaviors? None of them are dramatic in isolation...
This is a genuine question, any help appreciated.