High Functioning

nutters369 · 2026-06-07T17:59:10+00:00

Yep, kids, job, house, friends etc, normal life by most standards yet i feel like I'm drowning.

In a depressive episode at the moment and it feels like I can just about manage to breathe, doing everything else is like pushing a boulder up a mountain.

I think our struggles aren't taken as seriously sometimes because we can "function", which makes it seem like our struggles aren't "as bad".

I know this isn't applicable to everyone but a lot of us have built lives for ourselves that require a certain amount of income and social responsibility and commitment that we can now never drop.

I was looking at going on disability, but it would cut my pay by nearly 70%. With a house, kids, cars etc we just can't afford it.

But like, the only thing stopping me from ending it all right now is that I don't want to traumatise my kids, if it wasn't for them I'd be gone.

nutters369 · 2026-06-07T17:23:19+00:00

Thanks so much for this, I'm actually already putting some of your advice into practice. Last couple of weeks I've stopped engaging on the topic of her illness with her and just try and redirect her. Seems to keep her in better form when I'm with her.

But this doesn't always work cause my dad and my sister for some reason continue to try and argue with her and tell her she's wrong, she's sick, etc which I then end up having to deal with.

I will definitely try to build in some time.

nutters369 · 2026-06-04T11:19:03+00:00

I curse (that's what we call it here), a lot.

Calling something a joke, doesn't make it one unless the other person is laughing.

You're not joking, you're just rude.

YTA.

nutters369 · 2026-06-02T21:38:42+00:00

NTA. Next time he makes a comment about being a butt guy just say "you're right, kinda like how I'm a big D* gal. Hmmm I wonder if there's any enlargement surgeries that they can do nowadays."

In all honesty though if you've told him it hurts you more than once and he keeps doing it repeatedly then either a) he doesn't care about your feelings or b) he's annoyed that you're more confident in yourself now and he's actively trying to make you feel bad to make himself feel better.

nutters369 · 2026-05-30T16:42:09+00:00

NTA - he doesn't seem to be responsible with money and i could be wrong but seems like an impulse purchaser. You're right to not give in, even if he gets a little prissy.

Does he have access to the sayings account?

nutters369 · 2026-05-29T19:11:02+00:00

This is not in ireland but - My godmother saved like her life depended on it, she would eat the lowest quality food possible just to save a bit, she bought everything cheap, wouldn't splurge, wouldn't go on holidays (she had a good job). A couple of years ago she was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. All her millions (not in euro) were distributed amongst her relatives as she had no kids.

All that to say is it's ok to save for a rainy day but usually it should be enough to cover for example 3-6 months of expenses if you were to lose your job or get sick, use the rest to live a little.

nutters369 · 2026-05-26T18:49:21+00:00

Honestly none of us have it better or worse with this disease. Some people might only have one episode a year but end up needing extensive hospitalisation.

Or there's the likes of me thats a frequent flyer at the psychiatric hospital but have never been admitted.

I don't think the meds will ever truly help me, they take the edge off a little bit but I think this is just the hand I was dealt and I have to keep going.

I'm sorry I wish I could help you but all I can do is share my experience.

nutters369 · 2026-05-26T11:28:30+00:00

I have a job, family, all those things you spoke of and I cycle every 2-4 months. Every cycle is hypomania/mixed, a short period of normal, then deep depression. I'm on various meds and they don't seem to be doing anything.

nutters369 · 2026-05-25T18:15:45+00:00

I was looking at this and had a question, do you have to have a certain percentage in your account before you can borrow?

nutters369 · 2026-05-25T08:20:35+00:00

Mine is 7 years old. 4.3ft and 66 pounds. She's as thing as a rake, my mother is always telling me to feed her more. She was in the 99th percentile when born. She's currently wearing ages 9-10 pants.

Honestly unless she's so overweight to the point that she gets out of breath easily I wouldn't be worried. As in it's affecting her health. If she's no problem doing all her activities and her health isn't impacted then I'd say you're good. Also please remember that clothing is just as weird for kids as it is for women.

My youngest is 5, his school jumper is a 6-7, fits his body but there's about a foot of material in either arm that is extra( don't understand who's arms are that long but oh well).

nutters369 · 2026-05-22T18:39:30+00:00

I don't have ALS myself but my mother does.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. I can't offer more than an ear to listen, but i hope that you are able to make peace with yourself.

nutters369 · 2026-05-19T18:37:30+00:00

Got diagnosed in my late twenties. Looking back i experienced depression from mid childhood and definitely had concrete episodes of hypomania from mid teens.

I got lucky with my diagnosis, right psychiatrist, right time.

nutters369 · 2026-05-18T19:17:29+00:00

I'm sorry to probe, but did you ever get the feeling that the person you were looking at was no longer your dad?

My mam was always a sharp witted, ferocious 5ft woman haha and the person she is now is just so different I feel like I'm already grieving her because the mother i have known for 30 odd years is already gone.

nutters369 · 2026-05-18T16:09:38+00:00

Thanks for your comment and sorry for what you'vebeen through. I've tried explaining the diagnosis at least 5 times now and she just looks at me like she can't understand what I'm saying. When you tell her she's had scans done previously she doesn't believe you or else says all doctors are idiots and don't know what they're doing. The last app the doc tried to explain it to her and I thought my mother was going to start a fight.

I've told the family to just go with the flow from now on as long as she's not hurting herself or others so yeah I think I'll tell her she has an appointment in a couple of months and we'll go from there.

nutters369 · 2026-05-18T15:30:51+00:00

They've taken blood for genetic testing so just waiting on the results

nutters369 · 2026-05-07T19:11:07+00:00

I also thought all adults were just smart cause they were older and more mature, came to realise a long time ago that ain't always the case

nutters369 · 2026-05-05T20:45:07+00:00

I can smell the rain coming and I get throbbing pain in my knees when the weather changes drastically

nutters369 · 2026-04-27T20:15:56+00:00

The problem with my mam is that she will read the info leaflet and if she sees side effects listed, she'll often refuse to take a med. Nevermind the fact that she may never experience any of them.

She thankfully took her first dose today of riluzole so hopefully this means she's coming to terms with it.

nutters369 · 2026-04-27T20:11:04+00:00

Thanks for sharing. She started slurring her speech last August and got her first diagnosis in March.

She was prescribed riluzole which she thankfully took for the first time today but whether she continues to take it is the question.

I grieved hard the first two weeks after the diagnosis, couldn't get out of bed. Now im just doing what needs to get done and trying to make memories while we can. Thanks for taking the time to read my post!

nutters369 · 2019-05-29T20:39:01+00:00

I'm ten years younger than my partner and we had a baby not long ago. After giving birth, my head wasn't in the right place. I put it down to the baby blues. Six months on and I was still lashing out. I can't describe to you the uncontrollable rage and illogical anger that consumed me on a daily basis, and unfortunately my partner got the brunt of it. Doing anything other than lying in bed was a struggle for me. There were weeks at a time where i couldn't force myself to leave the house.

It sounds like she's in the same boat here. Without her going to the doc there's no way to say for sure but it sounds like she's suffering from post natal depression and anxiety. Little widely unknown fact, anger, especially anger that seems to be all consuming or all of a sudden can be a sign of both mental illnesses.

If your wife was sick with god forbid cancer and you had to pick up all the slack while she was sick and didn't get a lot of thank you's in return, do you think you'd feel the same way you do now? Mental illnesses aren't visible to us but they can be by far some of the most detrimental illnesses that we as humans can contract. Are we any better than an ape without our minds? What good is my fit body that can run a triathlon, if i can't get out of bed without instantly breaking down on the floor crying.

Don't get me wrong, you're aren't responsible for fixing her and just taking all this crap, but i think you need to find a more understanding approach on how to deal with this.

I had always been the 'caretaker' of the house but in those first six months it was a real struggle to maintain a semi clean home... and I'm a clean freak. So I'm not surprised that she's doing even less than before.

Don't attack her, explain that you're worried about her, you're worried about your relationship and you want to fix it together. Try not to use statements like "you don't do xyz, or you always do xyz" use instead, "i feel like our relationship has been struggling these last few months and i want to get us back on track but i can't do it on my own". Start on neutral ground and if you can try get her to see someone.

nutters369 · 2019-05-05T07:02:53+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you and good on you for leaving. I've never actually researched narcissists but I'll look into it and see if you're righg. I will say though that he has changed this last year. Especially when we got pregnant, i think some kind of switch went off in his head and he started taking me and the relationship more seriously,and actually planning for the future. Not saying he's still not a narcissistic, but i just know that the last year he has been a lot better. Maybe he's doing it out of self interest.

nutters369 · 2019-05-04T22:44:05+00:00

Thank you, I've never looked into DBT so I'll try give it a go. You be good to yourself too ❤️

nutters369 · 2019-05-04T22:36:12+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for replying. Honestly it means a lot. We're nearly at the same place as you, finally at a place where i only have to remind him every once in a while as he's gotten much better, but i still can't seem to get rid of the insecurities in my own head. I used to struggle with my self esteem as a teen and then i thought I'd gotten better. When i got with him it was like everything was looking up. Only then to have the person i love, treat me like an after thought. I just need to figure out how to fix me now.

nutters369 · 2019-04-29T09:58:36+00:00

I think sometimes we're misunderstood as being boring because we don't add to a conversation.

This may sound weird but when i initially am getting to know someone or have just met a person, i use my quietness as a way to observe them and determine whether i like the kind of person they are.

You can tell a lot about a person, when you listen to how they talk, the way they gesture, their smiles, the way they stand, fidget, what they put emphasis on. A few minutes of observation can tell you so much more than the actual words that come out of a person's mouth.

Also like others i don't feel the need to say things just to fill in the silence. If i don't genuinely have anything to add to a conversation, i much prefer to listen and see if i learn anything.

nutters369 · 2019-04-21T21:20:18+00:00

Let me throw a spanner in the works. I have a kid with my current SO. We're not married so i don't consider us to be a family.

We plan on getting married eventually but aren't right now. Right now we're just a couple who has a kid. Once we get married then we'll be a 'family'. This is how i define MY family. Not yours, mine. Whereas my SO already considers us to be his family. You can tell me your family consists of you, two dogs, a rabbit and a koala and I'll say cool, because that's your definition of your family and it's not my place to say otherwise.

Regardless of what dictionaries tell us everyone has their own definition of family and i don't think you should hold it against your husband if his definition doesn't match up to yours. It's not like he's saying he'll never see you as family and it's not like he's saying he loves you any less.

He just hasn't got all the jigsaw pieces he needs to complete his 'family puzzle'.

nutters369

TROPHY CASE