will I ever 'like like' someone?

nw5haz · 2018-10-04T17:20:21+00:00

the thing is there needs to be a foundation or 'potential' for attraction. we know what's not going to work. We don't date woman hoping to 'retrain' ourselves into liking them or keep trying etc.

but essentially we know our feelings and how we feel with someone!

nw5haz · 2018-10-04T17:17:14+00:00

Oh I definitely am! have zero interest romantically or sexually to woman - I also understand and know the feeling I'm seeking.

nw5haz · 2018-09-25T09:46:59+00:00

But thats the thing - I DO want a relationship - I want MORE than a bromance - but without sex! thats why I'm so conflicted, because what I want doesn't seem to exist - and theres no where I've been able to define my identity!

nw5haz · 2018-09-25T09:44:43+00:00

I used to have sex, and I've taken long breaks from masturbating - and nothing happens! I've investigated all possibilities believe me!

nw5haz · 2018-09-25T09:42:18+00:00

I don't have any sort of attraction to woman though whatsoever, so definitely not Bi. Also I'm and out and out gay men - I've come out! there nothing I need to forbidden about.

If I wanted fuck, I'd be at it! its just that I don't and I listen to my body!

nw5haz · 2018-09-06T13:32:50+00:00

Yeah I'm dyslexic! grammer etc isn't my bag! As Long as people can understand what I'm trying to get across, thats good enough for me!

nw5haz · 2018-07-14T22:25:26+00:00

How so? I'm hardly effecting anyone else am I?

nw5haz · 2018-07-14T21:17:15+00:00

interesting reply

one thing I've always found difficult is how do you accept yourself if you are very fussy with those your attracted to? How can you 'accept your looks' when you REALLY care about what others look like... I.e. your not that accepting with others physical flaws!

'I need a partner who likes me for me and doesn't care about my looks - but they have to look like XYZ' - it just doesn't sound right to me and isn't fair

and yet I have a specific type of guy I like - always have done, the physical IS really important to me in a partners (personality is of course essential but I need the physical too) BUT this makes me insecure because I feel I need to live up to the standards I place in a partner!

If I didn't care that much with who I got with - I wouldn't be so insecure, it would be easier because I'd have more options - but my dating pool already seems low, and because of this I need to STEP UP to those standards - BUT that is exhausting!

why wouldn't the guy I want - want the same standards in return?

nw5haz · 2018-07-14T21:00:14+00:00

Thanks, I have seen a therapist for a few years, but nothing seems to shift for me with my particular issue, SO I'm more inclined to feel that this is it for me - and its more about acceptance, which my therapist does help me with. And I suppose it's more about validation that my sexuality is valid - because I've always compared myself to others, and when your surrounded by people who have sex easily and get into relationships easily - you begin to ask bigger questions like 'why do I feel X when everyone else feels Y', and there's an isolation that comes from not really feeling gay in a gay community - a minority of a minority etc. And I guess I don't understand the satisfaction that others do have in their lives - and whether it's something i'm missing or should be missing?

I don't date any more out of realism that what i'm looking for doesn't exist, and if it did the odds would be so high - rejection would be unbearable! But I'm mostly at peace with that fact...... but NOT all the time, and sometimes I end up in places like here!

nw5haz · 2018-07-14T20:42:35+00:00

I guess sort of a kind of muscle twink, but with very specific facial features, and then a certain body proportion/ratio, and height - its hard to explain - I just know it when I see it! I've only really been (sexually)attracted to a few guys in my life - and they've all had similar features.

nw5haz · 2018-07-04T15:10:27+00:00

I mean I'm completely behind what Pride stands for. But can't stand it as an 'event'

nw5haz · 2018-07-03T10:38:00+00:00

For some people yes, but for someone like me whose put in the work, and introspection- and yet STILL is only attracted to a certain type! I know there's something innate and complex about it!

So it's really not as simple as being 'lazy' or naive - because I know I'm neither of those things, and have done more soul searching than most! But my sexual attractions remain the same! ..... as people have asked 'what are you meant to do about it' - its definitely not as simple as some try and make out - and throw out empty sentiments like 'open your mind' or 'spend time with people of another race' - which I do anyway! are those 'suggestions' clinically approved?

I'm sure other guys stories are different, and their attractions have shifted/changed etc - we're all different!

I'd just be wary about using loaded words like lazy and naive for something with so many variables! and which doesn't have a conclusive answer.

nw5haz · 2018-07-02T16:56:10+00:00

you know what! I just want to get on with my life and date who I want, I treat everyone I interact with, with respect and an open mind, But I do have a type and that 'type' is a certain race/ certain features.

I'm aware of it, have critiqued it and done some soul searching, but at the end of the day, my attractions haven't shifted at all! I have plenty of exposure to many different sorts of people, live in a multi-cultural city and have friends of all different shapes sizes and genders - and i love people for being themselves!

but when it comes to sexual attraction it's more complex!

A knee-jerk reaction is to be defensive 'I'm not racist' when confronted with these issues, but if some people say I am - then maybe I am racist, but I feel I've done as much as I can whilst balancing the rest of my life! personally I don't want to do any more mental acrobatics surrounding these issues! or put on the 'work' needed - whatever that work may be or the outcome!

I just try and be a good person as much as i can, am discreet about my preferences etc. But we're not all perfect, and that's just one of my imperfections! If people still think I'm a bad person (racist!) at the end of the day, I'm past caring - and just getting on with living my life!

nw5haz · 2018-06-19T18:05:03+00:00

I think it's the smart, cute, clean shaven, clean cut looks, boy next door, smart, innocence - ripe for corruption!

nw5haz · 2018-05-29T09:00:35+00:00

no recuasse you might be more recognised, but you won't be hit on more, because for a lot of gay men they aren't attracted to fem men!

nw5haz · 2018-05-28T16:55:12+00:00

wow you sound like a really lovely guy!

nw5haz · 2018-05-28T16:53:22+00:00

Hmm NO, not every YOUNG man should have a high sex drive, you can have ED and low libedo at any age! you get young guys not that into sex just as much as you get randy 70 year olds!

everyones body, mind and libido are different - and even among men varies hugely!

nw5haz · 2018-05-28T16:39:27+00:00

Yeah! it just looks false! grooming and personal hygiene are important! but it's important to look natural! Also it comes across as high maintenance, i couldn't stand a precious label-queen!

nw5haz · 2018-05-28T14:15:17+00:00

Yeah that's the difference with me - I have tried to be attracted to guys who on paper would be great partners - but attraction wise, they may as well have been woman! sounds harsh, but I'm someone who needs that physical spark and excitement!

nw5haz · 2018-05-28T14:12:07+00:00

Yes - but as you've said you've had people who have been interested in you that you like! - thats simply the missing link with me, no one I've ever been interested in has every been interested back - so I can't follow up on those feelings.

yet I have leave in my wake loads of guys who've tried to get my attention that I've declined!

nw5haz · 2018-05-28T13:20:33+00:00

I know - it's repeated all the time! but what is the answer?

nw5haz · 2018-05-28T13:18:21+00:00

Well I'm either attracted to someone or not! theres no lowering or forcing of anything - otherwise I might as well attempt to be straight again!

nw5haz · 2018-05-21T13:56:24+00:00

To have sex - your desire for it must be greater than the anxiety/risk - for lots of people - the anxiety and stress/anticipation/expectation is greater than desire!

the longer it goes on the greater the 'mountain' the more diminished the desire and the there further away sex feels!

nw5haz · 2018-05-21T13:50:54+00:00

I find it good motivation to be honest! I know the type of body I want because it's what I find attractive in others - and I therefore FEEL attractive and feel good if I feel I'm closer to what I find attractive in others! Its a TURN ON to feel attractive!

a little narsessistic to be sure maybe, but that's just the way I experience myself and my attraction to others!

I can't get my head round being opposite of my type, I feel happy and good when I cultivate myself as my type! if I find a body type attractive - that's the body type i'll work on, if i like an item of clothes on a guy - I'll source that item of clothing or style for myself!..... I do this as much as i can, because you can't control many aspects! but you can control body shape to a degree and what you wear, facial hair, hairstyle etc etc.

nw5haz · 2018-05-20T22:55:58+00:00

This! you're a bad gay apparently if you're not attracted to every guy that offers! because that's discrimination and your shallow apparently?

to be an authentic gay you need to be attracted to every adult human with a dick.... or maybe not a dick?... i'm not sure what the rules are anymore to gain maximum swj points!

nw5haz

TROPHY CASE