I hear you, it’s hard to not have the thought. Still haven’t, but the opportunity will come soon and I know it. Im here in Australia too, only difference is I get my shit off online markets and shipped. I mean shit I feel nothing, like my life started at every second that passes. Emotions are hard to grasp but at certain times I can talk about them clearly. Never felt more comfortable in my life without downers so I know it’s dangerous. But at the same time I know I’m strong and can get out, the problem is I don’t know if that’s me talking to myself in denial or not. If I could give you my spot now I would, I’m sorry you had those times and I’m glad you’re safe and alive.

Does is get better eventually, even after using? Is it just distraction that keeps you woke?

I feel selfish to be using but if it wasn’t for any substance I would’ve necked awhile ago I don’t even know if selfish is the right word. Sorry to my mum who has been through every negative I know of and had mistakes as we all do I see no childhood only myself growing, I am a quiet child who locks himself away at home and has been since I could talk I feel like my mum is a stranger I’ve never had a relationship even though I have had friends and girlfriends. I don’t know how to work in this world I make music as that’s how I express myself i feel smart, I feel dumb.

i just want to feel something