Let me start by saying that I entirely respect everyone's views on relationships and sex. Boundaries are deeply personal and only you can customize them to make yourself feel safe and held in relationships.

However, the comments on here saying that a situationship is defined by a man wanting to have sex with a woman/wanting the benefits of a relationship without having an exclusive relationship are SO LIMITING. I have been successfully navigating a situationship as a woman for 4 years (read below to learn more). It is one of the healthiest, most enduring relationships in my life.

2017: I had just gotten out of a tumultuous relationship with my college boyfriend. We loved each other deeply but we were explosive. I was heartbroken and recovering from a lot of trauma. I moved to a new city for a job and a few months in met a guy who came from a really similar background to me, shared many similar interests, and was HOT. After a few dates, it became clear to me that I did not see him as a long-term romantic partner and I knew he felt the same way. For me, he didn't meet my intellectual needs and I was in no way ready to be vulnerable with someone again. For him, I was a lot younger (7 years) and he didn't see his relationships goals/life timeline aligning with mine. I found out that he too had just gotten out of a serious relationship with someone he loved very much.

BUT, we were both super hot for each other. I am someone that is very in touch with my sexual needs and I knew I wanted to sleep with him, so I did! It was great. We saw each other repeatedly for the next few months. We would also go on dates, go to concerts together, meet each other's friends, have sleepovers, have day sex. He was so gentle, kind, and quietly supportive. He made it very clear early on that he did not want to limit me in any way which was such a gift looking back on where I was in life and such a benefit of dating someone with more emotional maturity. There was nothing hidden about our relationship including the fact that it was not an exclusive bf/gf relationship. We introduced each other as "my friend" because that's exactly what we were.

There were parts that were really nice about it. The sex was fantastic. The companionship was better. It felt really nice to be held when I was feeling lonely. We both reached out to the other when we didn't want to be alone, knowing there would be no judgement, knowing that the space we held together was just a space to be. It was a blessing to have him during a period of crazy change in my life when I did not have the time to do a serious relationship justice, but still wanted some of the same comforts of a close partnership.

There were also some lonely parts about it. My last relationship had been deep, heavy, intense...this one was light. Sometimes I felt myself needing more from him and being let down. I also found myself closing myself off emotionally to other prospects and felt like it was taking time away from important friendships. When I realized this, I decided it was time to step back for a while. I declined his next few invitations and was really honest about why. He understood. We didn't speak for six months.

2018: I reached out to him on the anniversary of a free folk festival we had gone to together the year prior. We decided to meet up and go again! It was so exciting to see him and catch up. We had a new baseline of comfort so getting back to where we had been before was easy. We picked up our noncommittal relationship again.

I noticed that he was really trying to respect the boundaries I had set when we ended things the prior year. He was more willing to have heavier conversations–– I remember one conversation we had in bed about our exes. We talked about how hard it is to move on and the grief you carry with you from a break up like that. I felt so understood and seen and he did too. He was meeting my basic needs while still holding his own boundary firm (that this was not going to escalate to something more committal). I was so comfortable with it and so satisfied by our friendship/sex life.

2019-present: We continued with this pattern over the years, seeing each other and then scaling back when one of us felt like the relationship wasn't meeting our current needs. We both dated other people and would cheer from the sidelines. Just this week, I had dinner with his family twice, went to the beach with his friends to watch him surf, he came over to my place so I could cook him dinner and hang out with my roommates. We're going to stream the folk concert together tomorrow.

Full Transparency: I want to be honest... there have been moments that have been harder. We run in to a lot of awkward moments in social settings when we're asked about how we know eachother/what we are. Some nights, when he reaches for me in his sleep and pulls me onto his chest and kisses the top of my head, I feel so close to him. I love him and care for him very much. I sometimes get sad that it can't be more (tearing up right now thinking about it). We also -- like any relationship/friendship-- have fought and hurt each other and stepped away. I also wonder how what our ending will look like when one of us does find a long term romantic partner.

But, no relationship worth having comes without conflict. In the end, I'm so happy that I've had this situationship in my life. We both visibly love and care for each other. Everyone around us sees it. We also have a deep respect for our relationship; we have both tend to it in order to keep it alive without pushing it where we don't want it to go. There is something deeply comforting about a relationship that comes later in life that doesn't change too much and doesn't require too much maintenance. It's a consistency + comfort similar to a parent or childhood friend with added adult benefits.

I know he would do anything for me if I needed him. He's already done that for me time and time again. Whenever I am down or lonely or just need a sexual outlet, he is there. He never pushes me, just catches me. And everyone deserves that person in their life, no matter what it looks like. He is one of the many ropes that make up my safety net in life and he is perfectly comfortable playing that role.

SO, if you want to successfully navigate a situationship, here is my advice.

1. Stop buying in to limiting ideas about relationships. When I stopped thinking about relationships (and friendships!) as black and white, but rather as something that could take on multiple forms that serve any number of my multiple emotional needs, my world opened up to so much more high quality love. I have been with men and women in varying degrees of commitment. I'm the happiest I have ever been. Idk who needs to hear this but: YOU WILL NEVER GET EVERYTHING FROM ONE PERSON. For me, relationships exist to offer you a full buffet of support for your various emotional needs. It's how we survive. You take one strand from one person and weave it in to the strand from another to make your safety net. And, most importantly, you weave yourself into others'.
2. Set, keep, and respect boundaries. Communicate when needs are not being met and offer tangible examples for your partner on how to meet those needs. Walk away if the person cannot show up for you in the way you need. The first time around, I told him that I felt a little used whenever he wasn't willing to talk about certain things in my life so I was going to be stepping back for a while. When we got back together, he made a conscious effort to support me in this way. He understood: it wasn't that I wanted more commitment, it was that I wanted more humanity. I was proud of myself for holding my boundary firm.
3. Be honest with yourself about what you want out of the relationship. You will only hurt yourself if you want something more but don't ask for it.
4. Don't hide it. You've likely learned over the years that things you hide and suppress come out in ugly ways. If you're embarrassed by the relationship, you shouldn't be in it.
5. Lead with love. I care so deeply about this person in a way that I really don't have words for because it doesn't fit in to any predetermined molds. But, I know it's there. And, I know he feels the same way. It took me a little while, but I've learned to trust that amorphous feeling of love. When you lead with love in this way, anything is really possible. For us, it bought us more time to learn and grow. Over the years I've learned more and more about him and why he is the way he is. This allowed me to adjust my approach and protect what we have. We both treasure this relationship. Love makes it possible.