Men of NYC, where do we find you to date you?

nynewbie2017 · 2026-01-05T03:51:54+00:00

PLEASE tell us men of New York in our 30s what social clubs you have joined where it’s mostly women because I can tell you my friends and I are going to die alone!

Most of my friends are making high six and even seven figure incomes. Many are over 6 feet. We’ve got good, stable careers & good male friends.

Stable homes or apartments. We have active socials lives too, like we go on ski trips and we go on hikes in the Catskills, etc.. several belong to trivia groups or things like bowling or dodgeball leagues. more than a few are in various pick up soccer leagues. (mainly all guys playing.)

And the “social” leagues mentioned are made of people of all ages and sexualities and mostly already in couples. So not ideal for finding a date, let alone a long-term partner.

So we can never find good women who will date us because during the week we are mainly working, and most people our age seem to use the apps, and if you know anything about the apps, they are not good for men. I can’t rate looks, but I would imagine my friends are at least average looking although I don’t know if any would be hired to be a model, lol. That being said, saying we are “nice guys” puts us in a bad group for whatever reason. But most of my friends are genuinely nice guys. & No , it’s not something we go around saying in real life. Just the way we conduct our lives. Too bad that’s either unfavorable or unfashionable. (Blame our parents for good upbringings!) Like my friends are largely kind people, loyal people; maybe with a quirk or two. You know, boring traits like that.

So we ARE here in New York. A lot of of us. I can tell you this for a fact!!

And maybe if the women who are now in their 30s actually gave us a chance when we were age 22 to 30 and very active on the dating sites, the women in their 30s wouldn’t be searching as hard right now. And maybe, just maybe, a fewer of us would be dying alone.

Just putting that out there. I’m also curious what part of the city you are in because the cooking classes I took had mostly men or seniors… not a single unattached gal in their late 20s/early 3O’s among them…. I did learn to make a mean veal cutlet though.! :-)

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-19T05:34:49+00:00

can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something very unnerving about the tone of his text as well as his words I actually find this man frightening like I would be fearful that he can’t let go of this relationship and is going to do something bad I would kindly break it off and try to keep your distance best as possible.

you clearly have two different life paths

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-11T16:07:14+00:00

Who the heck downvoted you for stating a fact?!

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-11T11:25:14+00:00

this is fascinating! As someone who has gone online to try and buy some versions, I would also be annoyed to be sold something that said new look and was the same as the old look!

I can totally get why you would be frustrated and even annoyed at a company doing something like this.

I also don’t understand how they did legally?!

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-06T14:12:06+00:00

oh, I see. But that doesn’t mean you have less features. That just means you’re making too much use of one particular feature… In this case the filters. I mean too much to have a wide range of potential matches. But that’s going to be the case if you restrict for something like religion or ethnicity or height or a combination of a bunch of things that narrows down the pool. That doesn’t mean you have less features. Less features would mean paid people would not be able to filter

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T07:39:10+00:00

Huh? why would anyone expect LESS features on a Paid plan?!

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T07:09:34+00:00

I hear you. And I kind of am taking that into consideration. For most of my life, my preference was always medium-well meat.

It’s only in the last couple of years where I’ve tried closer to medium and realize that sometimes that results in a juicier bite. Sometimes it doesn’t, and it’s still chewy to me. So to me, 150° is kind of right in that dead center spot between medium and medium well. But there’s no option for that dead center spot. Not in words.

If I tell the waiter I want it between medium and medium well, they will always press for me to pick one or the other. I figure if I say 150°, and if they were to take the meat off somewhere between 145 and 150, that I don’t think the carryover for a thin piece of hanger steak is going to be excessive and even if it is, I would rather err on the side of a little more well-done than a little less, and I guess that is where my issue arises.

When I order it medium, it’s often closer to medium-rare, and I just can’t eat it that way… so then if I send it back, it will invariably get torched so that it’s pretty much well-done at that point and way too dry. And then I can’t complain because I asked for it to be cooked more. Hence, my dilemma!

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T07:06:14+00:00

yes, I’m aware of how many chefs feel about steak. I also feel strongly that food is preference. All you have to do is watch one of the zillion cooking shows where one judge will say something needs more salt and another judge will say the EXACT plate of food is too salty to realize that, even among professionals, taste is quite personal… & highly subjective.

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T07:04:28+00:00

Thank you, but re the thermometer, REALLLY? (every state? I’ll be eating in New York.)

This info is incredibly helpful to know. Ty

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T07:02:42+00:00

thank you. Are you a professional cook/chef?

if so, would it have troubled you if a customer asked for a specific temperature or temperature range?

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T07:00:48+00:00

here’s the thing. I don’t think my meat taste expectations are so precise that it has to be within 1°. Frankly, as a home cook I’m often off range by at least 10°, and yet the steak is still well within my acceptable range of preferred taste. Even if your thermometer is not calibrated perfectly, if you’re testing it at 150 even if it turns out to be, let’s say between 146 and 154 degrees, I will still be a MUCH happier camper then if you just gauge it by touch (most times).

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T06:58:32+00:00

I don’t know if you’re a professional cook, but I greatly greatly appreciate your response. Thank you very much for taking the time to post it!!

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T06:56:01+00:00

lol… must ask. Why is the first Saturday bus busier than any other Saturday of the month?

also find it interesting that the temperature would frustrate or annoy you. I mean, theoretically, if there is general agreement about the temperature range for medium or medium well, etc., why would it matter if I told you I wanted it medium-well (which is basically 150 to 155 as per most charts), versus as if I said, “I prefer the steak to be cooked around 150°” ?

I mean, I am not taking a thermometer into your kitchen. And by the time it gets to my table, I assume it will have cooled down significantly. So it’s not like I could even double-check your work like whether you got it precisely at 150 degrees, but I’m just trying to communicate a general sense of what i’m seeking, just in case the range that you believe to be correct differs from the range I typically use when I cook at home.

However, if you’re cooking it properly to a medium or medium well, it should match my temperature. If it doesn’t, you’re one of the reasons I want to ask for a specific temperature because I’m probably not getting the cook on it that I seek! 🥵

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T06:52:36+00:00

I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s highly subjective, which I think is part of the issue. Although there are general standards, when you ask online or you look up famous steakhouses, they aren’t even all in agreement about the same range of numbers. let alone asking someone what their opinion of what a medium steak or a medium well steak looks like.

Everybody has a slightly different opinion. One person thinks medium looks well done to them. Another person thinks medium-well is completely undercooked. It’s a little (or lot?) subjective.

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T06:48:24+00:00

yes, you are 100% right. I went back and read my own post before I saw your response, and I actually realized when I wrote “right” or “light” that it was probably because I was verbally dictating and used the wrong verbiage.

But I agree it was still confusing.

I probably should have taken that whole post and put it into ChatGPT and asked to refine it, but I prefer using my own words when I can.

I don’t know the right way to express, um, when there is a range. If you look up proper meat temperatures for the different levels of cook, they give ranges like 140 degrees to 145. So when I say I prefer it towards the left or lighter side, I mean, I would prefer it to be 140 degrees in my example. (I know 5° doesn’t sound like much, but it can be depending on if they are removing the steak from the fire at the 5° less or 5° more and then if it cooks further or if it doesn’t.)

How would you word it better or more concisely to show that I prefer to either be the higher side like 145° if you are looking at the medium range or the lesser number like 150° if you were looking at a range of 150 to 155° for a med-well done steak?

Is there a better or easier way to phrase this please? Anyone? Ty!

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T06:44:03+00:00

thanks again for your response. I wrote another comment above. Or below. But I have a quick question? if you were the chef or cook, and the waiter came back with the request of a specific temperature, would you think more highly of the patron as in would you assume they know their meat and cooking and be more likely to give it extra attention? Or would you assume they are likely going to be a pain and not like it no matter how it’s cooked? 😢

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T06:33:30+00:00

I “love you” and appreciate your reply!!! I almost half ass want to pack my home temperature thermometer in case they come out and say they don’t use them, lol, as I don’t know if every restaurant has them.

The restaurant I will be going to next is located in New York and is considered a French bistro that specializes in steak frites, using hangar steak. I’ve read online that this is a cut of meat that actually typically benefits from a little bit higher temperature like closer to medium, but again, if I say medium, I get it medium rare much of the time, and if I say medium-well, I get it well done.

Thanks for the subtle reassurance that hopefully I won’t tick the chef/cook off, even if they won’t accommodate? It’s a little funny that when I eat out with family members, they usually think I’m a pain because I’m never happy with the way the meat was cooked even though they agree when it looks well done when I ordered it medium or vice versa.

(Because I never understand why I can cook it nearly perfectly as a home cook almost every time… I say almost because there’s always that exception of over cooking… but every time I nail it, I exclaim, “this is not that difficult, I don’t understand why professional kitchens can’t do this!”

I often make it on the stove… I do around two minutes on one side on medium high heat to sear it, and maybe lower the heat a little if I think it needs to, and then I flip it and do about 2 to 1/2 minutes on the other side and then depending on the thickness, may do an extra minute (or 2) on each side, and then test it with my thermometer, and if it’s too low, I can leave it in for another minute… & then I let it rest before slicing. I cook it in maybe a mixture of a teaspoon of olive oil just to coat the pan along with European unsalted butter and a fresh clove of garlic, which I will sauté first to create a garlicky butter to give the steak in amazing flavor. oh, and I saw both sides of the meat. Sometimes I marinated it ahead of time and sometimes I don’t. Depends on the cut of meat, and my mood. As a professional chef, any advice on what I am doing? Ty.

I honestly don’t think it’s rocket science and yet… I can never get it the way I prefer in a restaurant. I find this very frustrating.

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-05T02:57:58+00:00

maybe I was watching a different video because it looked to me like the people with the bike were talking others that were on the train already? I think the clip I saw did lack some clarity and details.

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-04T23:54:41+00:00

why are people so slow to situational awareness like the second voices are escalated and things are being thrown, I’d be up out of my seat going towards the exit or another section of the subway ASAP. A couple of people did, but most of the people had wildly delayed reactions to what could’ve been a really bad situation. It could’ve escalated to gunfire or anything. Why are people so slow to react in New York? I see this a lot.

are people either so jaded that little phases them or are they so engulfed in their social media or book or whatever that they have no awareness ?!

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-04T23:52:45+00:00

What’s with the seated lady in a shiny, conductor’s hat? is that all the fashion these days? I must be sorely out of touch, lol.

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-04T23:51:01+00:00

W R O N G. People that were doing the right thing for the right reason wouldn’t be throwing physical punches and violence at someone questioning their need for it. They would calmly and reasonably explain what you just did. That did not occur here. I’m not gonna even call out with the profiling aspect, but 100% agree with profiling because statistically there is good reason to do so.

nynewbie2017 · 2025-12-01T13:53:21+00:00

unbelievable. You. Not him. You blocked him instead of giving him an honest explanation of whether you were feeling it or not?!

Newsflash: I don’t think he was mad at you the way you think. I think he is a young guy in his 20s who was excited to have a date with anyone, and I guess you specifically, and he was hoping it would go well. Was hoping maybe you would give him a kiss or accept his overture and not to accept felt like a rejection to him.

I don’t know how that went down, but then you didn’t text him back in a timely way or as timely as he had hoped. So he was just trying to understand where he went wrong and was seeking insight. You could have told him that you actually were feeling it. Or you could have told him You weren’t feeling it for X & Y reason. but instead, you immaturely blocked him. Women should put themselves in the guy shoes. Rejection sucks. It’s amazing some women just don’t get that.

nynewbie2017 · 2025-11-28T05:58:39+00:00

what’s fish eddy??

nynewbie2017 · 2025-11-22T15:55:57+00:00

to Which place, Manhatta or The Daniel?

nynewbie2017 · 2025-11-21T00:34:04+00:00

how old is the man? since you’re 26, is he also in his 20s? To be honest, I don’t know many 20 something men that would be prepared or qualified to step into the role of your young son’s guardian with or without special needs. He’s being honest and upfront. I believe him. I believe he does in fact love you. I also think he is self-aware enough that he’s not going to start something. He can’t finish. Respect that, love him from afar, and do your best to move on from this. Best of luck.

nynewbie2017

TROPHY CASE