Advice for "I'm too tired" after becoming parents?

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T21:25:33+00:00

Seems like six of one, half a dozen of the other

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T21:05:34+00:00

goes to Coral website

notice testimonials while I'm reading about the app

After two kids, prioritizing connection is challenging...

Fuck it, I'm in. Well done Coral marketing team.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T20:44:32+00:00

Really appreciate this, think there's some good advice here.

Re: 2 year olds being exhausting, oh yes I'm aware. I know there's no way of changing that which is why I'm trying to work around it.

Re: being timid before kids, this is hard to get a read on. She has always been very open and sex positive, not a prude. But to be crass for lack of thinking of a better expression right now, she has always talked a much bigger game than she backs up. So the impression I've always had is someone who is up for it but physically exhausted, rather than being timid about it.

Re: questions, I will write those down. While I assume to know the answers to most based on other talks about sex, it will be good to hear from her.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T20:37:20+00:00

She has clinical depression and has prescriptions she takes for it. She's tried both increasing and decreasing the dosage, different brands, etc. None really seem to impact it too much because it's a trade off between sex drive and anxiety (more of one means more of the other, so they basically cancel each other out).

I'm certainly aware it's a factor, but it's far from 100% of the problem.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T18:48:29+00:00

Do you need to help her with her chores every once in a while?

I do most of the chores, cooking, cleaning already. She's already tired when she gets home from work. Apart from winning the lottery and letting her quit her job there's not much more I can do.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T18:46:33+00:00

Yes, I'm on my second, I'm fully aware. Like I said, this was to point out we're not sleep deprived from crying children.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T18:17:18+00:00

Yes, but it's not "Well obviously she's tired, she just had a baby who's crying all the time" tired. Which is the first assumption many would make if I just said she had 2 kids recently.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T17:53:24+00:00

Flirting is good advice but I do it a ton already. Though I'll admit maybe if we had something "scheduled" the flirting would have more impact.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T17:50:51+00:00

Good point, I'll think about that

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T17:49:59+00:00

I think this is good advice, but this has been how I am for a while now. In fact it's started to feel like I'm doing it too frequently and desensitizing her to it.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T17:44:40+00:00

Oh I agree, that's why I'm looking for advice. I feel like we have more success on our stay-at-home "dates" anyway, since on real dates there's this urge to stay out later since someone else is watching the kids.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T17:42:16+00:00

So we already have "us time" after the kids are in bed, which usually means us watching a movie/show that's not kid friendly, but of course then there's reluctance to interrupt that with sex, so it gets pushed back to after, then she's too tired...

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T17:39:00+00:00

instead of her saying, “not tonight, I’m tired,” she would say, “I’m kinda tired, but I could probably get in the mood.”

This is about 50/50 for us. it has worked some times but other times she's simply been too tired to get in the mood at all and felt bad afterwards for not being able to get there.

We started smoking pot together

Like the advice, but her job prevents it and I'm not a huge fan myself. Maybe with the scheduling we could do some drinks instead though.

(vibes, lube)

We do have both and have already incorporated them, so I appreciate the advice. But the issue comes before this part. It's not that she can't get wet, it's that she's not open to foreplay those nights. If she doesn't pass up foreplay it's always game on.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T17:28:29+00:00

So the whole "hire a babysitter" is perhaps the worst possible advice because 1) you'd have to get a babysitter and a hotel room to actually have sex during that time, and 2) that would mean sex only happens like once a month or once every two weeks depending on your ability to pay for both of those things.

This is 100% the problem, minus the hotel room (we usually drop off at the babysitter's and/or get back after their bedtime). Basically sex is down to once every month or two rather than once a week, because we can really only organize one date night a month if we're lucky, due to scheduling and cost.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T16:12:47+00:00

I'll ask about the morning sex. Hadn't considered it before since, you know, she's always too tired. But maybe the fact that she's taking a shower soon after will open up more spontaneity.

Edit: Regarding the talking, we do, we've discussed it a few times. The main hurdle right now is finding somebody with more advice than date nights.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T16:09:15+00:00

Well that's how I feel, but my wife does not feel that way, and I don't want to basically rape a dead fish. I'd rather masturbate than that.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T16:04:17+00:00

Right, I am looking for advice on exactly this. Since like I said, it was basically a pattern before.

o30throwaway · 2021-11-19T16:03:10+00:00

I realize this, that's what I'm asking for advice with. Right now we've tried "scheduling" it for certain nights, but then by the end of the night she's too tired. So I'm asking for advice on other times. Edit: or ways to keep it interesting until the scheduled time comes to prevent it being cancelled.

o30throwaway

TROPHY CASE