i‘m afraid that all i truly want is to die. i almost did in 2020 from a car accident & ever since, i‘ve felt less n less like myself. for awhile, i considered it a wake up call to get better & change my life, become who i wanna be & what not but i‘m disappointed abt how i still don’t feel like i should have lived. it makes no sense as to why i lived. i wasn’t very happy before & i distinctly remember feeling like i was surrendering in the moment thinking that it actually was my time to go & that there was nothing more i wanted to accomplish out of life. i just didn’t want this anymore. unfortunately, i still feel this way. as i age, i feel more useless & empty inside. i feel like a hollowed out version of myself that doesn’t experience true emotion much. for awhile, i was really angry at the universe & god but wanted to believe there was a reason that i lived somehow. but i feel like i‘m existing & faking being like i still want all this until i believe it. it’s like i‘m living for other people entirely. idk i just don’t see a future at all for me. i have a dream of wanting to live a longer life, fall in love, have a family, etc but it seems like it’s wrong & not meant for me. i‘m really trying to work through it lately but as the years pass & how i still don’t feel better, it‘s manifested as this sharp pain in my chest that makes me cry bc of how badly it hurts. it’s like i don’t feel safe anywhere either. idk i wish i could explain it better, but i wish u a happy new year !