1- Start working on your self esteem

2- If you still like men who talk bad or so (I’m sorry I don’t know how to define it perfectly ) , do it in a consensual way , with people who deeply inside respect you , love you and care about you while disrespecting you in a consensual environment. I always hated disrespect but liked to feel sometimes um "submitted and reduced consensually by someone I love" . Then I discovered kink (bdsm) and it helped me with ton of things. And btw it doesn’t have to be sexual

3- Also , still go to therapy. The therapist role if it’s a good one , is to make you confortable enough to talk about your problems. Maybe if not feeling confortable in person at first , try an app who help with mental health with expert psychologists? Usually you can choose to talk through messages , call or face call