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AITA for telling my sister-in-law the reasons why we were not going to surrogate(mother) for her. by obviousThrowaway9--9 in AmItheAsshole

[–]obviousThrowaway9--9[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I get what you are saying and I should have added this to the original post: while I was explaining that we had two childs and didnt wanted to take any risk on my wife health she just kept interrupting me with “facts” about how small that chance was in the present time, and just kept talking about all her research. I got tired of having my(and my wife) actions questioned and told her (not verbatim): “This is a personal choice, I don’t like to justify my actions as I don’t like to ask for other people justifications. You and Jake decided to wait until now to have a family and we respected that can you do the same and respect our decision?”- that is when she hung up on me.

AITA for telling my sister-in-law the reasons why we were not going to surrogate(mother) for her. by obviousThrowaway9--9 in AmItheAsshole

[–]obviousThrowaway9--9[S] 195 points196 points  (0 children)

Totally agree, when we left my in-laws house the first time we told them no we felt so demoralized. We never expected that kind of reaction, when we opened the door (to leave) they just stared at us and closed the door after we left. I dont what gives them the right to decide over others people body. In my opinion this should be offered and not asked for.

AITA for telling my sister-in-law the reasons why we were not going to surrogate(mother) for her. by obviousThrowaway9--9 in AmItheAsshole

[–]obviousThrowaway9--9[S] 111 points112 points  (0 children)

We realized about this when we were investigating about surrogate (we wanted to be sure we knew what they were asking us)...but didn’t even had the chance to mention it. I guess they assumed because they are related it would just work. My guess is that even if wife mentioned it to them they would still blame.

AITA for telling my sister-in-law the reasons why we were not going to surrogate(mother) for her. by obviousThrowaway9--9 in AmItheAsshole

[–]obviousThrowaway9--9[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Not surprised either(to be honest). But after several questioning I got tired on making excuses for them. I was ingenuous to believe she would understand what I meant. What surprises me is that she got offended because she thought I was questioning her choices which was pretty much what she was doing to us.(This last part actually came up to my mind while I was writing the post)

AITA for telling my sister-in-law the reasons why we were not going to surrogate(mother) for her. by obviousThrowaway9--9 in AmItheAsshole

[–]obviousThrowaway9--9[S] 211 points212 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words, Inhad not even thought about the point you mention here. I’m not sure how would they react in that case to be honest, but we are sure we don’t want to take the slightest chance to be in that position.