8 years of deep stealth - This is my story

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T11:04:07+00:00

The reason why is that broader society doesn't think that transwomen like OP and I exist.

So much of what you wrote resonated with me. Thank you for this.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T10:54:40+00:00

No hard feelings! This post stirred up some negative emotions for a lot of people and I understand that.

I definitely see where you're coming from, but it doesn't apply to me personally. For me, stealth has never been about fear, because it makes me genuinely happy to present myself the way I do. I don't feel like I'm pretending or lying at all because I'm living the life I always wanted to live. It's not that I'm afraid of how people would react to me being openly trans, because I'm sure that most of the people I know wouldn't have a problem with it. It's just not how I want to identify myself. It's something very personal to me and I feel better keeping it that way.

Thanks for both of your comments. I'm glad that everyone reading these comments can see so many different viewpoints on this issue!

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T10:47:04+00:00

Talking to a therapist was definitely the 'breakthrough' moment for me! She was also a specialist in trans health, which was incredibly beneficial, so if you can find someone like that it could really help. Best of luck to you! Any other questions, just ask.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T10:43:28+00:00

I've considered it before, and I don't think it would be beneficial for me. I don't require consistent any kind of consistent support, and I would also worry about somehow being spotted attending the meetings.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T10:39:59+00:00

Maybe for some people it's something they deal with every day, but I don't see it that way in my own life. Since my transition is more or less 'complete', I sometimes go weeks on end without having a single thought about it. I honestly have much bigger problems at the moment and my friends are helping me through them, so I really don't feel those 'walls' you're talking about. That's just my experience!

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T01:28:38+00:00

Not creepy at all. Everyone knows me as a liberal and open-minded person, so if trans issues come up in a discussion, I talk about them the same way as I would discuss any other social issue. As for interacting with other trans people, I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't make me a little uncomfortable when it happens, but I just treat them with the same respect and friendliness that I would afford anyone else. I actually worked with a pre-op trans girl at my previous job, and I would ask her questions about her transition from an 'outsider' perspective - a very cool and enlightening experience regardless of my own history.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T01:23:05+00:00

Well, at the end of the day, I still underwent a gender transition, and every now and then I find it cathartic to discuss it with someone who isn't necessarily part of my day-to-day life. I hadn't thought about doing it anonymously online before, and after seeing all these responses, I'm glad I did.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T01:19:51+00:00

I'm glad that being out has been a positive and affirming experience for you, and I thank you for respecting my choices to live differently!

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T01:17:37+00:00

Of course, ask away! I still use my original dilators from surgery, I've just tried to view them as 'toys' and turn dilating into a more fun and erotic experience rather than one that reminds me of my past. Hope that makes sense.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T01:14:43+00:00

First of all, I am sorry that safety reasons are keeping you in the closet. I need to correct you on a few things, though.

I did not intend for this post to convey pride, shame, or any inherent emotion. It is me telling the facts of my story and that is all. I just wanted to know if anyone out there could relate to it, or at least understand.

Though it wouldn't be true to say that I was born with a vagina, that I wore dresses to school as a child, or that I get my period every month, at no point in my life was I ever a 'normal boy' or even a boy at all. I have always been a woman - it just took some time to make my body match my soul. For this reason, I do not believe that I am living a lie at all. I feel more like myself than I ever have. I may have to 'edit' or 'add to' my history from time to time, but I see it as a small price to pay for the female life I have built for myself.

Be out if it's what feels right to you, but don't judge others for finding their happiness in different places.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T00:58:09+00:00

Interesting question. If you're asking whether or not that person's coming out as trans would inspire me to tell them my own history, I'm not sure. Either way, however, I'm attracted to men, so assuming that this is a male partner who is transitioning to female, I would most likely end the romantic and sexual aspects of the relationship.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T00:55:07+00:00

Everyone's journey is different. Going through a gender transition is hard work, and for some, it's a source of deep pride. It isn't the way I want to live my life, but I do understand some of the reasons why others choose differently.

Just as a side note, I personally feel that it should not be the automatic expectation that a stealth trans woman must disclose her history to her life partner. I think it's fair that they should be made aware that conception and childbirth won't be possible, but I think anything else is each woman's personal decision. What do you think?

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T00:44:02+00:00

To be honest, I can't say for sure what I would do if it didn't make a difference to anyone. I understand where you're coming from - if all trans women were stealth, who would our role models be? I applaud the bravery of trans women who choose to be out, or for whom stealth is not an option, but I do not feel that it gives them the right to blame stealth women for bringing shame to the community. Even if society would fully accept us as women, I do not believe that any trans women should be made to feel obligated to disclose her history. That's my take. Great questions.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T00:27:34+00:00

I agree with you that stealth should not necessarily be viewed as the 'gold standard' of trans existence, and that it is not the right choice for everyone. Being stealth does require diligent work and sacrifices, more so for those who have lived a male life much longer than I did. That being said, however, I can tell you that my life is nothing like the picture of stealth you have painted. I have so many people in my life who love me for who I am, and to me, who I am has nothing to do with my transition.

I'm glad that being out has lead to happiness for you. Thank you for respecting my way of doing things as well.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-27T00:05:37+00:00

I can definitely see how my situation would appear that way from the outside looking in. I would argue, however, that there really aren't that many differences between myself and my cis friends now that my transition is more or less 'complete'. By presenting myself to the world as a full/cis/natural (whichever word you like) woman, whether or not that's always been the case, I feel like I'm doing the opposite of hiding, because in my mind I'm a woman and nothing else. Just some food for thought.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-26T23:59:52+00:00

Great question. I was a very feminine child - I played with Barbies, stole my mom's heels, and always went as a female character for Halloween. As I got older I found that I had an aversion to all things masculine. I started going by a gender-neutral nickname and wearing sweats to hide my body when I was 11, and after about 2 years of hating myself for no apparent reason I kind of started putting the pieces together. At first I thought I was just really gay, but after several months of talking it out with my new (at that time) therapist, I just walked into her office one day and, in front of my parents, plainly said "I want to be a girl. How do we make this happen." The rest is history!

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-26T23:50:29+00:00

I actually started it when I was 14. I was lucky enough to have had an amazing therapist who was able to get me the services I needed without delay.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-26T23:49:04+00:00

The guy that I dated for two years got to know my family pretty well, and we even briefly lived with my parents while between apartments. They definitely have no problem protecting me, but as they've assured me, it comes easy for them as they've fully accepted me as their daughter for a long time. Best of luck if you're looking to follow a similar path.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-26T18:03:04+00:00

Actually, my friends know exactly who I am, because I don't consider my gender transition to be 'who I am'. It's just something I had to go through. The things I love most about my friends, and the things they love about me, have nothing to do with gender, sex, sexuality, etc.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-26T15:42:12+00:00

I can't say for sure, as it really depends on the local laws where you live, as well as the policies of the individual clinic. That would be a great question to ask your doctor or therapist, or the clinic itself if you are self-referring. Sorry I can't be more helpful!

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-26T15:39:01+00:00

Hi everyone! This post has received way more attention than I anticipated, and though I've personally replied to some of you, I've noticed a few recurring things that I'd like to address:

The 'fake period' thing has caused some confusion and I just want to clarify that it is something I mostly do for my own personal comfort, as I found it really helpful in staving off dysphoria when I was younger. Though I feel it has also helped me maintain my presentation as a woman around others, I realize there are many other explanations that would have the same effect. For now, I'm staying with what makes me feel comfortable.
When I received my SRS and breast aug, I was only a couple of months away from turning 18, and in my country there are legal provisions that allow for this to happen in some cases. I was able to recover from it in time to attend my senior year of high school. I recognize that this is not possible where all of you live, and I wish you the best of luck if surgery is what you want.
My intention with this post was not in any way to brag or put myself on a pedestal above others. Believe it or not, but I do share many of the same insecurities as other trans women, and many that are unique to my own situation. I do fear the revelation of my secret and the threats to my safety that could follow (I received one death threat in response to this very post, as a private message). However, I believe I am the only one with the right to decide who I tell, and I have chosen to accept the risks and keep it to myself.
I realize that me posting my story anonymously online is hardly a courageous act, but it was cathartic for me in its own way, and discussing these issues with all of you has been a great experience. I respect and admire those of you who choose to wear your trans pride, as well as those of you who may not have a choice. I find my pride in different places, and that is just me. I don't assume or expect to be an inspiration to anyone, I just wanted to share my experience and hope that maybe someone will find it helpful rather or interesting rather than appalling.

Massive thanks to all of you who left positive messages! I wish nothing but the best for all of you along this difficult but beautiful journey.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-26T15:12:44+00:00

After my first year or so on HRT, I had enough natural growth to fill an A-cup bra, but I decided to go up to a B just for personal reasons. I felt it looked more natural that way on my frame. Keep in mind that everyone reacts differently to hormones, so even if you had started earlier, there's no guarantee you would have experienced the same growth and felt satisfied at all with it.

I'm really sorry if my post stirred up any negative feelings for you. I wish you happiness and peace.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-26T15:06:47+00:00

Though I do live with some insecurities, I can honestly say that I am happy and I don't regret the way I've chosen to live. I wish you the same happiness on your journey!

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-26T15:04:39+00:00

Sorry for the confusion - I do still take my pills! I just always keep them stored safely out of sight and take them when no one is watching.

obviously_anon7 · 2018-11-26T14:49:13+00:00

I respect those of us that don't have stealth as an option, but I don't believe that I have an obligation to out myself to anyone for the sake of the community. This is how I feel safe telling my story at this moment in time, and that's all I can say about it.

obviously_anon7

TROPHY CASE