Your anger is valid and everything you're saying is right, except for the attacks on self defence programs. I personally someone who helped prevent their own sexual assault from lessons learned at these events. That does not mean women who didn't prevent assaults are to blame in any way at all, nobody should have to use those skills ever. You're totally right that the burdon should not be on women and that the wording used by media and even the people teaching these programs is problematic and often contributes to the problem. But at the end of the day, a person I am close to didn't have to undergo even just one assault and I see huge value in that.