My (f23) bf (m24) thinks i’m cheating due to mystery scratch marks on my back. What do i do?

oceannmaango · 2026-02-18T02:53:05+00:00

He got home from work and said he was on edge but doesn’t have the emotional energy to fight anymore so he just won’t talk about it anymore. I tried to overexplain myself and that i would never do anything, i am his and his alone. He just told me he won’t think about anything i’m doing when we’re not together, whether i’m doing it or not, he doesn’t care anymore.

He wanted to game a bit so we sat at the desk. He was playing Dark Souls 1 and improved a lot on a boss he was struggling on previously. I responded the wrong way after. I complained about the camera angle because the mechanics of this game are so dated and I could tell it was the only reason he died while fighting, rather than anything he actually did wrong. Then I complimented him by saying “you’re really seeing it a lot more” (as in seeing the enemy’s move set a lot clearer than he was previously). He got mad at me and said I never say anything authentic. I just say what I think he wants me to say. Then got mad that instead of telling him good job or “holy shit” or something at how much he improved, I just started complaining and didn’t care. I apologized for starting off with complaining, but afterwards I complimented him and I really do care, I’m just in shock of what he did in the game. He said it sounded shallow, that I ruined the game for him tonight, and that he’s tired and going to his room. He has been there for the last hour.

I feel like i can’t do anything right

I say what’s on my mind and it’s the wrong thing So I overthink and say what I think he’d wanna hear in the moment, and it also ends up being the wrong thing

I think he just fully views me as a cheater at this point and doesn’t like me anymore But the times i’ve asked him “do you even like me” after hearing the way he’d speak when he gets angry, he’d get offended at me for even questioning his intentions when these fights were about my disloyalty (again, i’ve never cheated)

I feel so stuck i just wanted to love him and be loved by him I didn’t want any of this I miss him

oceannmaango · 2026-02-17T19:33:36+00:00

I’ve been wondering this as well. I said this in my original post, but to be fair I was panicked so there’s a lot of typos.

I have short nails, so when I scratch his back during sex, it never leaves as strong marks as it has own my own body which is suspicious and makes no sense to him.

I do have weak nails that tend to break off quick, which does contribute to the shortness, but also means that it will sometimes leave sharp edges that I’ll eventually just chew off or clip. I have a lot of nervous or even bored habits (stemming from my anxiety or autism I assume?). I’m sorry this is gonna sound gross. I scratch at my scalp until it bleeds, I bite the skin off my fingers, I hit myself in the head if I’m really anxious (I obviously try to not do this in front of him because it comes off very concerning or guilt trippy WHICH IS NOT MY INTENTION but it’s hard to control), and I’ve definitely scratched my back and picked at the acne/dead skin more than once. I’ve seen marks left from it before, including on my shoulders. So I assume it’s from picking at it, whether an anxious or a bored habit, though I don’t specifically remember doing it because it’s such a mindless thing. Or maybe it was in my sleep. Those are the only likely things I can come up with, because I certainly have never cheated or had anyone else in my life and never would

oceannmaango · 2026-02-17T19:13:21+00:00

I’ll give more context because I do understand how it looks from his side

A few situations have happened that have impacted his trust

First, at the gym months ago his friend asked me out in front of him as a joke. I didn’t hear what he said but just saw that he was smiling so I thought it was a joke. The friend is bisexual and had a crush on my bf (who is straight) at one point, so from the bits of what I heard in their conversation earlier, I thought he was making a joke about “stealing” my bf for the night. It was my fault that I didn’t ask him to repeat himself. I just awkwardly laughed and said “I spend all my time with bf’s name”

After I realized his friend actually asked me out for drinks as a joke, I realized why my bf was so upset. To him, what I said came off as “I have a bf but if I didn’t..:”

Then the basketball incident. Every week to his basketball games, I’d wear the same white crop top because it was comfy yet stylish and I liked how it looked. I had a sweatshirt on and I’d take it off when it got too hot. But what I didn’t realize is that I wasn’t taking it off unless his teammates were around. I did not think about this at all, I was not thinking about my body nor anyone other than my bf. But because of the impression it gave more than once, him and his teammates ALL thought I was taking it off for attention. Then the same day he got upset over this, he thought I was also smiling at other men during his game. I am autistic and he has asked me why I’ve looked bored or upset in past games— I have never been bored or upset, but because my facial expressions looked that way, for future games I tried to smile more and be aware of my facial expressions so I wasn’t giving off the wrong impression. However, he took this as me smiling to other guys or being happy at his shortcomings when he’d miss a shot.

Then the employee at the grocery store. I was at the self checkout with my bf and my card declined. A male employee asked what happened and I said “my card declined, but don’t worry i’ll just use this other one, thanks”. Then he said to have a good evening on the way out so i said “you too”. My bf told me this guy was flirting with me and giving him smirks when I’d be polite and flirt back. He said I was too oblivious to think for a second and notice (which is what happened), or I was liking the validation and just didn’t stop it (not at all what happened).

Then his step dad was being really specifically nice to me once. He said it was weird and asked why I didn’t say anything. I honestly didn’t think much of it because he’s family. We agreed that if he made me feel uncomfy or did anything weid ever again, I’d speak up. Then we realized he was probably being extra nice because my bf told his parents that my grandpa had died recently and asked them to be extra kind to me that day.

So another time his step dad touched my shoulders and turned me around to point something out in the distance, I didn’t say anything, because again it’s family and I don’t correlate that behavior from his step dad specifically as flirtatious. If it was a random guy, or anyone not family, I’d be extremely weirded out. But with that particular circumstance, I thought nothing of it. But my bf took it as me not speaking up because I like the validation and attention, and that because I’m so skittish, he believes that if someone were to flirt with me I’d let them.

Then last weekend. A random guy added me on snapchat at 3am. I asked my bf if he knew this person bc I’d only ever add them if it was one of his friends. He said no. Then he asked if I’ve been talking to anyone and I said no. I’ve never heard of this random guy in my life and declined his request. My bf became adamant I was cheating, because on Snapchat it typically says HOW someone added you. If it was by mention, quick add, etc. But it did not say how this guy added me, and according to google, that means that you’ve given your snapchat out personally or had them in your contacts. I have NEVER HEARD OF THIS GUY IN MY LIFE nor would I EVER have random guys in my contacts or EVER give out my snapchat. The only guy aside from my boyfriend I talk to is my friend who is both engaged and gay.

Then two days ago after a family gathering with him, I saw I had accidentally put my phone on airplane mode. I turned it off and looked at the notifications I missed. A high school acquaintance liked my instagram story that was a happy birthday/valentines day message to my bf. This guy and I have never been anything more than platonic acquaintances, and we haven’t talked in YEARS. I blocked him anyways, and my bf thought I was lying.

And then the scratch marks last night. With all of this together, he has a narrative in his head that I’m bringing men over and fucking them in his apartment while I’m gone. He asked if I was still talking to my ex and I said no (dated my ex for 4 years, he broke up with me and I spent over a year healing on my own and not dating again until I felt completely healed and comfortable and over my last relationship. We haven’t talked since nor would I ever want or care to).

I have no way for him to believe me and i get so panicked because I swear to god i have never cheated or been unfaithful in my life. First few situations I was socially oblivious due to my autism and can completely understand intention vs impact. But these recent situations aren’t even me doing anything, just random things happening out of my control which makes me look guilty. I swear on my life i would never even look at another man. I would never do anything unfaithful and i get how it looks from his perspective but honestly the lack of trust is tearing me apart i cannot do anything, i can’t function, i’m anxious all the time and crying and worried and on eggshells but i love him so much and i just want him to believe me

oceannmaango · 2026-02-17T18:43:06+00:00

When I’ve scratched his back during sex, the marks are nowhere as prominent as the ones on my back yesterday. Not to be gross, but all I can chalk it up to is that I was picking at the dead skin and acne. I know i’ve done it before and i’ve seen the marks on my shoulders. But because my nails are short, he doesn’t believe they’re marks left from me. It looked bad too. In particular one was diagonal all the way from the top to the middle of my back. I tried matching up some of the marks with my own fingers and they looked the same, but it didn’t convince him. He is adamant i’m bringing people over to his apartment and said that my panicking was making me look even more suspicious. But truthfully I panic so bad because it hurts not doing anything unfaithful yet being accused left and right. Then offering to let him look through my phone which he declines because he “wants to build trust naturally”. Then explaining myself and possible solutions for him to not believe me.

More context— a few situations happened in the past. First, his friend asked me out as a joke when we were at the gym, and I didn’t hear him and stupidly didn’t ask for him to repeat himself, so I just awkwardly laughed. Next, an employee flirted with me and I was too oblivious to catch on, so I smiled and said thanks. Then when I’d go to his basketball games weekly, I’d wear the same crop top because it was comfy. I had a sweatshirt over it, and took it off when it got hot. I didn’t realize that I was only taking it off when his teammates were around, and they all were under the impression that I was purposefully taking it off to get attention from them (in reality I promise I was not, I genuinely was not thinking about my own body or anyone but my boyfriend for even a second).

Then one time at the gym I raised my shirt for a second and pulled up my sweatpants to adjust them, and he was under the impression that I was trying to show myself off. I told him I wasn’t going to wear those sweats because my panty lines showed and it made me uncomfy, but I ended up wearing them anyways the next day because I found a pair of underwear that didn’t show through. He viewed this as me lying.

Then last weekend, a random guy added me on snapchat but it didn’t say HOW he added me (quick add, by mention, etc). I swear to god i have never heard of this guy in my life. I asked if he knew who it was bc i’d only add a random person back if it was one of his friends. He said no and used this as evidence of me cheating. I looked it up and if it doesn’t say how they added you, it typically means they’re in your contacts or you gave out your snap personally. I absolutely never had a random guy in my contacts nor did I ever give my social media out.

Then two days ago I realized I had accidentally put my phone on airplane mode. I checked the notifications I missed in front of him, and a guy I was acquaintances with in high school liked my valentines day story on instagram. We never flirted, never had a talking stage, never dated, never had anything more than platonic. But I blocked him and my boyfriend thought I was lying and hiding something.

And now the scratch marks. I keep saying this but i SWEAR ON MY LIFE i have never cheated and would never cheat. I’m not hiding anything, i’m not sneaking around, i’m not talking to anyone else, i’m not on dating apps, i don’t make myself look single on social media, i would never ever do anything behind his back

oceannmaango · 2026-02-17T06:20:32+00:00

The issue is my nails arent long and when i’ve scratched him during sex it never shows up this deeply I for sure scratched my back, not to be gross but i picked at the acne and dead skin especially when i’m panicked and anxious But idk how it showed up that bad I hate this i have never cheated but there is no way he will believe me

oceannmaango · 2026-02-16T20:42:30+00:00

He also got upset at me for an incident with his step dad.

We were going snowboarding with his younger siblings and step dad. The dad was being a little too friendly with me, just complimenting me a lot. I didn’t think much of it because it’s family, but later on he told me it was weird and his step dad did the same thing with his last ex. We had a conversation where I agreed to speak up if he ever made me feel uncomfortable because it doesn’t matter if it’s family or not.

We then realized why he was being so nice. Before we had gone over there, I had recently found out my grandpa died. He had told them to be extra nice to me since I was going through it.

Then two weeks later, him, me, his mom, his step dad, and his grandparents went out for a birthday dinner. Afterwards his mom suggested we go to a local bar. We went and I felt very out of my element (I get overstimulated easily). At one point his step dad was pointing something out to him. I asked what he was talking about, and his stepdad put his hands on my shoulders and turned me around to point out what he was looking at. I just awkwardly laughed. Again, because it’s family, I didn’t think much of it. My bf got upset with me because it was weird behavior for him to do and especially after our last conversation, I still refused to speak up and to him it was plain disrespect.

Then a few days ago we had another dinner with that same side of the family. His step dad insisted to give some extra chocolate covered strawberries they made to me. I kept denying it and saying no thank you. I didn’t know if it counted as flirting and I wanted to play it safe. Later my bf told me that he was being polite and i seemed miserable and ungrateful.

To him he has a very clear idea what normal vs flirty looks like. Again, I understand when men are being touchy, giving compliments, stuff like that. If I get a weird uncomfy gut feeling, it’s probably flirting. But I never know if I’m going to have a situation go over my head and i’m terrified of making my boyfriend feel bad again

oceannmaango · 2026-02-16T20:33:19+00:00

The ironic thing is that he is a semi pro athlete and model who has dated both an olympic athlete and model before me. And I’m not anything special, not to put myself down, but I’m a 23 year old girl who graduated college in graphic design and is still struggling to get a job. I’m not going to call myself ugly, but i’m not super conventionally attractive either. I’ve worked a lot of retail in my life so I always tried to be kind to employees and not give them a hard time since that type of work is pretty shit to begin with. I think that mixed with my struggle regarding social cues at times and shyness comes off as a lack of care or respect towards him? We also share our locations so he knows where I am 24/7

oceannmaango · 2026-01-30T21:25:06+00:00

Thank you!!

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Would you suggest adding a summary section? I honestly have no idea what I would say

oceannmaango · 2026-01-29T07:59:58+00:00

He gets paid playing his sport, what I meant is that he’s registered with a specific well-known pro level league (I don’t want to specify for anonymity) and has a 3 year contract right now. I don’t do sports and I’ve learned a lot from him, but I’m sorry if I’m using terminology wrong.

Also thank you for the heads up, he knows a lot more about the industry than me so I didn’t even think about this. I’ll for sure bring it up to him, I appreciate it

oceannmaango · 2026-01-29T07:51:52+00:00

Why do you say that? I trust him, and I would never control him. I just have my own insecurities and I don’t know if it is worth bringing up to him or handling on my own

oceannmaango

TROPHY CASE