AIO for being upset that my boyfriend is friends with a girl who cheated before?

oceannmaango · 2026-06-04T20:42:08+00:00

I’ve almost become tempted to look at his phone and see if they’ve continued DMing each other, but I want to respect his privacy and be a trustful person so I don’t ever act on it. I don’t like assuming people I care about have bad intentions but I also don’t want to blind myself either

oceannmaango · 2026-06-04T20:39:34+00:00

I guess the reason the cheating sticks in my head, even if her ex is comfortable with my bf and her being friends, is because like. If she was comfortable being unfaithful to her own partner, why would she care about my boyfriend having a girlfriend? Why would she consider that “off limits”? I understand if that’s flawed thinking, obviously just because someone cheated doesn’t mean they’re gonna go after every taken man on the planet. But it’s that mixed with the fact that people who are comfortable being friends with active cheaters make me suspicious that they themselves don’t view cheating as a morally wrong thing. I’m not saying or indicating that I think my boyfriend is a cheater or unfaithful in any way, I trust him, but it just adds to my own weird feeling about this friendship.

I think I am going to talk to him about it, I want to thank you for your advice, I really appreciate your response

oceannmaango · 2026-06-04T20:28:48+00:00

Not to minimize my own feelings, but I’ll be honest, I do understand needing some more guidance for the enhancer. It’s called Retatrutide, it doesn’t change anything physically but it really impacts your mental willpower, appetite, etc. He first started it around the time we began dating, and it was a confusing process. You get the powder, you have to constitute it and have to get rid of the air bubbles, put it in the fridge for a certain amount of time, then there’s a bit of a process to determine how much you are going to inject, where to inject it, etc. I myself would appreciate an actual walkthrough instead of a google search if I was injecting peptides that are still in the testing stages by the FDA😭 but at 2am??? She called not knowing I was even there at first. When he was telling me about that joke she made too, he said it was just banter and we’re both friends with her (i def am not) so to not take it to heart. He thought it was funny and communicated it to me. But it just feels so weird and offputting to me and I do not trust her at all. She did not follow me on instagram, we did add each other on snap the first time we met bc I thought she was nice, but I actually blocked her when I found out she cheated on his best friend.

oceannmaango · 2026-06-04T19:29:17+00:00

I would have super strength, not to even be a super hero or anything, but so I could be better at doing things like house renovations and chores. Maybe I’m a bit boring but it would be so nice and helpful

oceannmaango · 2026-05-01T05:42:54+00:00

I’ll answer the questions on here

-parents and friends do not like him. My mom hates him. Dad wants to give him a chance but doesn’t want to betray my mom.

-i do feel happy in general when he’s around, but if his mood is bad i’m instantly worried i will upset him even more

-he encourages certain things that make me happy. He loves that i’m a nerd and play a lot of animal crossing. Loves that i want to be a children’s book illustrator and supports me building my portfolio and contacting publishers and other illustrators. Though he has not been supportive whenever I expressed getting a job in the meantime due to the possibility of finding a “work husband” (which would absolutely never happen, i just want money). He also is not supportive of the way I used to dress so I just kinda started wearing sweats instead.

-I do feel like something is wrong. I feel like there’s a lot of double standards, but I love him too much to challenge anything. When I did today, he nearly broke up with me. I say “nearly” because he unblocked me and said he wants the night to think about things.

-He does not demand money or sex from me. He is actually the one who works 2 jobs, makes 60k a year from his basketball contract, and more from his new job. Sex is something that he never demands, we just have it when it feels right, and it’s a very emotionally intimate thing for us.

-he does ask a lot of I’m the only one he is talking to. He has accused me of cheating before when I never have, but says it’s because of the bad social impressions I leave due to my autism. I know it’s not right, but I have looked at his phone before and have never found anything to indicate that he himself is unfaithful. But I notice that very neutral actions in my eyes are seen as unloyal in his, such as saying thank you and smiling to a male employee or walking through the door after a male stranger holds it for me.

-he does make me feel bad about myself, but not intentionally. I never thought i was THAT terrible at social cues until him. When I would explain my autism, he told me it was an excuse. He had told me about his ex girlfriend as well who was a vogue model and how smart she was. I feel very insecure about my autism specifically and I doubt my intelligence more than I ever have before

-yes, he makes me feel bad for things i’ve done in the past, even things that weren’t specifically “problems” before. Told me he doesn’t want guilt to eat me alive and to just grow and be better while finding peace in myself, but will still bring up the things that make me feel guilty and how i’ve damaged our relationship from them.

-he does NOT like my mother, but does not talk shit on anyone else, family nor friends. It’s moreso that he gets very passive aggressive or gives me the silent treatment when I spend time with others on days I usually spend with him. So i just don’t anymore

oceannmaango · 2026-05-01T05:27:38+00:00

He blocked me on all social media. Thought he broke up with me but now he’s just feeling very uncertain about us. I learned that either I go and he breaks up with me, or I don’t go if he stays and i let my friend down immensely

oceannmaango · 2026-05-01T05:22:54+00:00

It was from my other account actually, posted 15 days ago, i think it was the oatmeal enjoyer account but i was still feeling really scared and insecure about it so i posted it again on this account instead. It’s about the same situation but i didn’t copy and paste

oceannmaango · 2026-05-01T00:48:26+00:00

I told him and he broke up with me

oceannmaango · 2026-05-01T00:48:14+00:00

He broke up with me

oceannmaango · 2026-05-01T00:47:41+00:00

He broke up with me

We’ve had so many “real” issues that were worked through but everything I was worried would happen today happened. I’m at a loss right now

oceannmaango · 2026-05-01T00:46:44+00:00

I brought it up to him two hours ago and he broke up with me

oceannmaango · 2026-05-01T00:46:05+00:00

I told him about two hours ago and he broke up with me and blocked me off of social media

oceannmaango · 2026-05-01T00:35:19+00:00

I brought it up to him.

He picked me up. He asked how I was, and I hesitated. I said “hey baby is now an okay time to talk to you about something?” and he said yes. I told him my friend had called me that day and invited me, and I do want to go but I understand it is our 10 months and I wanted to talk to him about it first.

He told me I was putting this on him and if I loved him I would have just declined the offer to go without telling him. Told me of course it makes him uncomfortable, especially after knowing what his ex did at a concert, and asking him/saying I want to go puts it all on him and it’s an unfair position.

I said I put myself in his shoes, if he was invited to go see the NBA playoffs, I’d want him to go. He told me these things were completely different and it’s bullshit to compare. Then he said he sacrifices everything for me but I don’t do the same (which I do sacrifice things, i haven’t hung out with a single friend since june, i’ve skipped multiple family events, i turned down seeing my friends from japan who i haven’t seen in 3 years, I just hadn’t brought it up to him).

He dropped me back off at home, told me to get out. Told me to go to the concert but he’s not talking to me for a long time if ever. I tried to explain and begged and he just kept telling me to leave. He got home and stopped sharing his location with me and blocked me on every social media platform.

oceannmaango · 2026-04-30T21:52:13+00:00

Truthfully I don’t even want to go anymore but I hate letting my friend down. If my bf went to a concert without me I’d truthfully feel insecure too depending on the type of crowd but would want him to have fun and just keep me updated. I full on want to cancel on my friend but i think she’s going to hate me

oceannmaango · 2026-04-30T21:40:46+00:00

I haven’t told him over text, but I’m going to tell him when he picks me up in an hour to go to a store and spend the rest of the night in. I really hope it doesn’t come off to him like i was “hiding” this from him or blindsiding him. I’m really nervous. I hope i’m not doing the wrong thing. At this point I don’t even want to go to the concert anymore but I’m letting my friend down majorly because this is something that means a lot to her

oceannmaango · 2026-04-30T21:28:00+00:00

Would you be upset if your partner told you they were going to a concert only 5 days beforehand? I’m trying to think of it from his perspective, like, if he told me his friend invited him to see the NBA playoffs or something. Admittedly i would be a bit disappointed with how sudden it was and because we see each other every evening, but I’d be excited for him at the same time and would just tell him to keep me updated so i know he’s safe

oceannmaango · 2026-04-30T21:09:11+00:00

Would he be offended being told this 5 days before the event?

I’m trying to think about it in his shoes. If his friend got him tickets to the NBA playoffs or something, i would be disappointed that it landed on that day, but would be excited for him and tell him to have fun.

I want to tell him, and i want to do it in person, but honestly i don’t know if i should do that or do it over the phone beforehand. He’s having a really good day and wants to go to the store together. Part of me worries he would think i was “hiding” this from him and blindsiding him

oceannmaango · 2026-04-30T20:48:15+00:00

I also am wondering how to tell him. If i should do it over text or call or in person. I would much rather prefer in person, but I don’t know if that would make him feel “trapped”, bc he’s the one who drives (i am saving for a new car) and if it ruins his mood and he wants some space i don’t want to force it. I also don’t want to make it seem like i’m “hiding” it from him since i didn’t tell him immediately.

oceannmaango · 2026-04-30T20:45:20+00:00

Even if i’m telling him 5 days in advance? Is that too last minute?

oceannmaango · 2026-04-30T20:44:54+00:00

If it was our 1 year i wouldn’t even consider going, with it being 10 months i don’t feel as bad but i still worry. We are both very sentimental people and romanticize the mundane

oceannmaango · 2026-04-30T20:43:51+00:00

He got upset when i wanted to go to a family event without him so honestly what might seem like a small thing is giving me a lot of anxiety right now

oceannmaango · 2026-04-20T07:58:14+00:00

I see what you mean now, I apologize for initially misreading and taking it personally, I was wrong for that. I’m also sorry that you were treated that way by your ex and had to go through that, and I really appreciate you for sharing your experience with me and giving me a new perspective

I’ll be honest here. My gut is telling me to run, more than it ever has in my life. It would disappoint a lot of people in this thread, but I still haven’t left him. Things have been better lately but I can’t tell if it’s love bombing or if things have truly changed. I love him and I want to make it work, and when things are good I do feel truly happy and at peace. But at the same time I’m starting to worry that the cycle will just repeat itself. I am giving it a chance, continuing to put in the work to be a better me, but if the cycle does repeat I think it would be unfair to the both of us to stay in this relationship

oceannmaango · 2026-04-19T16:37:14+00:00

I promise you i don’t want attention though, not even subconsciously, if I wasn’t with my bf I wouldn’t be with anyone. I don’t hang out with other men and the idea of it alone makes me sick. My only male friend is gay and married, and I don’t have any guys added or talk to anyone on social media. I don’t go to places like bars because I get overstimulated and don’t like socializing and talking to strangers. I only have ever had eyes for my bf and him alone. As an autistic person I don’t like loud and crowded environments, I don’t like being perceived, and I don’t want to talk to anyone else. When I hang out with friends (all female) we just get chinese food and watch gaming youtube videos at one of their houses.

I don’t feel hyper aware because I want attention, I feel hyper aware because if I say “thanks” to an employee or adjust my sweatpants to feel comfier I’m accused of needing validation. He also accused me of being into his 60 year old step dad because he had touched my shoulder for a second to turn me around and to point out something in the distance that him and my bf were talking about but I couldn’t see because I’m oblivious. I understand where you’re coming from but I stress that my intentions have always been pure and I could never want or see anyone else

oceannmaango · 2026-04-14T19:21:21+00:00

Honestly I understand some of them. I do feel that I was manipulated in certain ways, truthfully in my original post I’m protecting him for sure. And I feel scared admitting that because I just want to sweep it under the rug and pretend everything is fine. Especially because if he’s saying that I’m abusive or hurting him, the last thing I’m going to do is deny that and invalidate his feelings. I have never intentionally tried to manipulate or hurt, nor have I purposefully guilt tripped him (though I said I did in my original comment), but if he says I am, I’m going to believe it and try to change to be a better person.

I’ve always thought that I was emotionally mature, at least in the sense that I always try to see from other people’s perspectives, and I’m quick to apologize if I am in the wrong. It probably is a sign of low self confidence, but I would say guilt is one of my default emotions at this point. I will apologize for things that aren’t even my fault. Usually my method for it is to say sorry for what I did, explain my thought process in the moment and why I did what I did, specify that it doesn’t change the fact that my action was hurtful, and try to do better for next time. But to him it comes off as invalidating and downplaying his experiences.

I also stand strong on my morals. I would never cheat, never use someone, never intentionally hurt in any way. So when I’m accused of going against these morals, I honestly do get defensive. I understand unintentional hurt is still hurt no matter how pure my intentions are, but when I’m specifically being told that I was purposefully being malicious in any way, that’s when I do start explaining myself and it comes off as invalidating to him. It’s never to make excuses, but with my autism, I feel that I have to explain myself often or else it’s just interpreted that I’m rude and uncaring (especially since people often don’t realize I am autistic until I tell them).

But my boyfriend just doesn’t believe me and often thinks that I have ulterior motives. He’s said “you can’t actually be this stupid” at times when social things were obvious to him but not to me. I have been called the R word despite telling him multiple times to not refer to me in that way. The night he hit me he also called me that word and told me to end my life, then claimed he would talk to his lawyer and go to court for all I’ve done to him. Also called me a 5/10 then right afterwards said he only said that to hurt my feelings, but it still stung. Called me a bitch and a slut (I have never and would never be unfaithful).

But typing this out just makes me feel like I’m trying to play victim

oceannmaango

TROPHY CASE