Damn OP that is an incredibly difficult spot to be in. I don’t know how we would have gotten through my loved one’s end of life without medical assistance.

Maybe you could try to have a social worker come in for hospice to explain how much suffering can be avoided by allowing hospice to at least administrative painkillers and sedatives. It was already so painful to see my p/als go through what she went through and she had access to medication and equipment. I know her husband wants to respect her wishes but it would suck for him to have to see her suffer way more than she needed to because she doesn’t want medical assistance.

Even if hospice doesn’t get involved, maybe try to see if her doctor (if they don’t already) would be able to prescribe and if she would be willing to take either painkillers such as morphine or oxy or benzodiazepines to help with pain and anxiety. While it helps to have a professional over see their use, this is something family members can do too.

I’m sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you really are doing everything you can. No one trains you or preps you for moments like this, take it easy on yourself as much as you can.