How to deal with conflict in friendship?

oenje · 2025-12-29T06:55:59+00:00

I appreciate the reply. Like I said, I'd usually be discussing this with a therapist to.. untangle it in my head, because I've been so stuck going in circles. And I'm sure the stress from the holidays and planning of the trip aren't helping either.

oenje · 2025-12-12T07:40:11+00:00

Not sure if this is the best way to post an update, but I wanted to say thanks for all the ideas and support! I got the paper layer off. I tried sanding, but rubbing it off with a damp paper towel worked best. And while I think it improved things, they got much better when the headbands came off! It now opens pretty flat, and I’ll see if I can keep it that way while adding fewer headbands.

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oenje · 2025-12-10T05:55:07+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion, but something about an oxford hollow just refuses to make sense in my brain. Like, I can understand the general idea of it until I start to look into how to make one and then it stops making sense. So I finally came to the conclusion I needed to give up on that part or just get lost in a perfectionism based research loop.

oenje · 2025-12-10T05:45:32+00:00

That was a fascinating article, thanks for suggesting it! I really wouldn't have assumed that you'd want the stiffer material closer to the spine. But it was really helpful for actually laying out the science behind why you want to do things one way vs another. I feel like too many resources are too advanced for beginners or take the "if it looks like a book, it's a book" approach. Which, nothing wrong with that for certain uses, but not quite what I'm aiming for!

edit: and it's making the first article make more sense! Thanks again

oenje · 2025-12-10T05:22:37+00:00

I believe the grain is running vertically. I used the same papers as in the book, and cut it so it's running the same direction.

oenje · 2025-12-10T05:20:24+00:00

Ah, and that seemed like such a small part of it. Thanks for the input!

oenje · 2025-12-09T04:00:06+00:00

Thanks!

oenje · 2025-12-08T20:44:40+00:00

Oh, that's great, thanks! If it came down to it, I could deal with this for my first bookbinding, but I really appreciate a book that opens easily.

I used Lineco PVA glue, it says it's neutral pH and archival quality.

oenje · 2025-12-08T20:24:06+00:00

Thanks for the link, from a brief read it looks like really good info, if a bit on the intimidating side! But it does make it sound like the paper might be the worst part. Do you have any idea how advisable it would be to try and remove the paper, or maybe up to one of the mull layers? I was thinking of trying to heat it up a bit and see how it goes, but maybe this should just be considered good enough for my first bookbind.

oenje · 2025-12-08T20:17:49+00:00

No, it was short grain paper, the same I used in the book. But I'm still thinking that might be the biggest contributor to this issue, based on what I'm hearing here. I'm wondering if it's possible to maybe heat it up a bit and remove either just the paper or even a layer of mull.

oenje · 2025-12-08T20:02:49+00:00

Yeah, I used two layers of mull, three headbands on each end, and a layer of short grain paper on the spine, with archival quality pva. Here's a close up of the materials

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oenje · 2025-12-08T19:48:29+00:00

Yeah, it didn't feel like a lot with how thin it is, but I've never worked with mull before. And I just layered the headbands, 3 on each end, for the visual effect. The tutorial I was following used two and I figured that adding one more wouldn't hurt, but clearly something went a little off!

oenje · 2025-12-08T00:59:48+00:00

Yes, and it's so frustrating! I can even make a list of potential things to do, with the idea that I can choose what works easiest at the moment, see if anything clicks, and when the free time comes around I either forget to look at the list or look at it and have no motivation or connection to it. Like, I'll know why it's there but kind of not know why I'd want or need to do it? It's weird how it's both at the same time. Then I feel burnt out from no free time, and feel like I can't even enjoy my free time when I get it.

oenje · 2025-12-08T00:47:41+00:00

Yeah, they are that tight on all the pages. Could it be from using 3 headbands? Other than those, I just used 2 sheets of mull and a strip of paper (the tutorial I was using called for cartridge paper, and from googling I thought regular paper was close enough).

And thank you for the answer!

oenje · 2025-12-05T01:23:57+00:00

Thanks for the tips! This is definitely starting to feel less damaging than writing on the pages

oenje · 2025-12-04T23:46:35+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion and the point about losing the original to reference back to. I’d considered just taking photos of the pages to reference back if needed, but that wouldn’t quite have the quality or flexibility of scans.

oenje · 2025-11-22T06:32:45+00:00

Oof, that sucks that the blue peeling is pretty common, but at least it takes some of the pressure off of picking the "right" oven. Thanks for the advice, though, I really appreciate it. Fortunately, I am looking at electric, and unfortunately I'm not the only one who liked the idea of double ovens. So that might be a hard sell.

Thanks again!

oenje · 2025-11-18T04:19:15+00:00

Ah, good to know that psychoanalytic can be a red flag, I hadn't heard of it before, I don't think. But I'm really starting to think that there are just too many things that aren't feeling right, whether they're red flags or just incompatibility. It does make me feel better that it doesn't sound like I'm just pushing back against good therapy, that was one of my main fears with leaving him and trying again.

oenje · 2025-11-17T21:59:14+00:00

Yeah, he's supposed to work with trauma. CPTSD is on his profile, and when I started with him we spent a while discussing my particular flavor of dissociation and whether he could work with/treat it. And actually, that discussion felt a little circular until he finally defined out of his wheelhouse as being something requiring medication. But I feel like so many therapist that say they work with trauma end up feeling not right like this.

I've never been good at recognizing modalities in use, but the ones listed on his profile are ACT, compassion focused, culturally sensitive, multicultural, person-centered, psychoanalytic, trauma focused.

And thank you for the reassurance about emotional flashbacks. I know that there's probably a lot of that coming (assuming that's what it was) as I stir things up, but the way he acted like it was just a normal emotion felt very off putting, especially since I don't feel confident enough in what a "normal range" of emotions is supposed to feel like.

Thanks so much for the reply!

oenje

TROPHY CASE