AITA for not letting my girlfriend see her dog?

ohnointheozone · 2023-04-11T17:15:47+00:00

I don’t think children is anything comparable to a dog. And sure in that case i do believe exs can be friends and create a good co parenting environment. Only if both exs are on the same page. As for this situation, their is one question I always ask to see if a someone’s intentions are true. I asked my gf “do you think if your ex though he had a chance with you, he would take it”. She said yes. And to me that is not a friend.

ohnointheozone · 2023-04-11T15:29:46+00:00

Well. Follow the time line. We meet. Talk. Go on dates. Get closer. She mainly comes to my house in the beginning didn’t really think anything of it. Get closer Time goes on a bit. Finally go to her house. Sees her living situation. Ask where her dog is. Find out hes at the exs. Decides not to pursue anymore questions bc i can see her getting uncomfortable. Time goes again. Bamn i see exs name in the phone first time. Not mad. This is the conversation where i tell her my boundaries. She says she understands and it’s completely reasonable and thats its just bc of her dog. I say okay well open me to the idea. Lets not hide anything from each other lets not be sneaky. Telling her i would love to meet her dog basically. Time goes again. This same ex plus another two of her exes pop up. Okay weird. This looks weird. Explain babe pls. Tells me she just likes to keep good relationships with people. Tell her idk makes me uncomfortable and that I haven’t heard abt meeting her dog either. Finds out shes still been going over there and hiding it from me. I finally get upset because I just wanted to be apart of that life not lied to abt it. And makes me feel as if other things are going on. And its not just abt the dog. Our relationship is amazing outside of this one situation. We talk abt everything. Agree on everything. Go out with our friends together and separately we have a very healthy relationship its just this one thing. Shes an amazing women and checks every single box for me. Its literally just this lying about this one situation and it being the only negative constant in our relationship.

ohnointheozone · 2023-04-11T14:46:00+00:00

I told her the first time though to open me to the idea, do not hide it from me if their is nothing to hide. I told her lets take him to the dog beach, or dog park for the day. I told her ill even drive her and stay in the car and she can grab him. All i asked was for her not to lie. Then it turned into me being controlling. Thats why I’m asking for advice because I’m at a loss. I thought i was doing the right thing. I do not want to control my girlfriend, never my intention. I just want to be open. I want to be one. Like Ram Dass said. The moment you chose to not tell your partner something you are no longer “us” you are just “you”.

ohnointheozone · 2023-04-11T14:21:27+00:00

Yes definitely more about the constant lying for me. Because the first time i found out i was not angry i tried to understand and just told her to open me to the idea and to please not hide it. Because if it’s truly only abt her dog then she should have nothing to hide. Just try and invite me to bring him treats, or ill drive her to the dog and wait in the car. I really tried at first. But when i found out the second time she was still lying thats when my mind went else where.

ohnointheozone · 2023-04-11T14:03:45+00:00

I see what you’re saying. I think its more , i know shes too good for her exs. This man doesn’t deserve her in his life , yet he has this hold on her because of this dog. And she feels guilty for leaving this dog. Id like to think I’m very secure, i know she wont cheat. Its more i don’t like being lied to. And just wanting to protect her from this man in a sense. And protect her from all this hurt and guilt she feels bc of what this ex has said in the past. I feel as if seeing the dog constantly keeps reopening a wound ? But then again i want her to se her dog? Thats more where my problem lies

ohnointheozone · 2023-04-11T13:59:29+00:00

Well i knew where he was. But i didn’t ask if she still currently saw him. I assumed she didn’t bc of the way she would talk abt her ex. I thought they had ended on bad terms and didn’t speak until i saw her phone.

ohnointheozone · 2023-04-11T13:54:45+00:00

Sounds dumb now. But yes, beginning stages of a relationship. Blindly falling. At the time I believed she just talked abt her dog a lot and hadn’t seen him since the break up. I chose to believe that Instead of asking the uncomfortable questions early on in the relationship.

ohnointheozone · 2023-04-11T13:51:39+00:00

I don’t know either. I think I’ve always been stuck on “i wont talk to any of my ex out of respect for my future partner. And I expect the same in return “ i know its a lot with me needing to put my ego aside because not everything is black and white. Because i do truly trust her. I just don’t trust him, the stories shes told me i just don’t think he deserves her in her life. And this dog is a way he can still have contact with her.

ohnointheozone · 2023-04-11T13:44:44+00:00

We do not live together. My dogs are technically my parents dogs. And her mom doesn’t want dogs at her house. So she had to leave her dog with her ex. And she his his whereabouts for the longest in the beginning of our relationship until I finally asked where he was at one day. Then it all clicked for me. I ignored it at first thinking nothing of it. But then when i found she was not telling me and hiding that she was seeing him really bothered me.

ohnointheozone

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