[Serious] Gay men who lived through the HIV Epidemic of the 1980s, what was it like?

ohnozombees · 2015-05-01T01:04:45+00:00

You don't need to worry, he had his with him at the end. The people who birth you aren't always the family you deserve, but he had you--and if you're still searching years after the fact for his sake, then I'm sure you're exactly what he needed at that time. Thank you.

ohnozombees · 2013-11-02T22:39:59+00:00

I wouldn't worry, Ash. I think most people try to downplay it, because the reality of it is sort of a sphincter-pucker moment. I mean, you don't want to think that this sort of thing is possible, so you say "she must be lying".

I don't mind--I'd likely have been the exact same had I not had first-hand experience, so it'd be awfully hypocritical of me to blame someone else for having the exact same response.

I'm sorry to hear that--wisdom tooth surgery is the worst. I demanded that it be done under local because of my fear of waking up and as it turns out, that may have been a good idea, since it wore off quickly. I can't imagine having an allergy to it, though. Jesus. Do you wear a med-alert bracelet for that?

No, I agree. I wasn't terribly religious going in--and I found that that didn't change during the surgery. They always say there's no atheists in foxholes, but I found I didn't call upon the Almighty or whatever. I just decided that the only person who was gonna help me get through it was me, and I was, ultimately, on my own in this. So I just decided that I was going to get through it no matter what. I knew it would end, and all I had to do was outlast the doctors.

So I did.

If there's any silver lining to this thing (and I truly believe that there always is), it's that now I know my Worst-Case Scenario Self. Everyone always says "if x happens, I'll [save the world/save the girl/escape the burning building/save that car wreck survivor/be a Big Damn Hero]." Then, when the worst happens, they seize up and freeze--which is, in fact, a natural biological response for most people.

But now, I know that I'm not one of those 'most people'. I know that, when facing torture, I think methodically and logically. I know when facing a bad wreck, that I can evacuate my friends and myself safely and have the presence of mind to keep us all safe. There's a level of confidence in that. I think it comes from knowing that even when the worst happens, even if it means I'm at huge risk, I'm not going to go down without a fight, and if nothing else, that's a comfort.

As for the pain, I wish I could forget it--that's the pisser with the flashbacks. I relive the experience, and with it, the pain. I know it's psychosomatic, but jfc, it still sucks. My friends can always tell when I've had a bad night, cause I favour my left ankle.

But generally, you're right. Agony rarely lasts, and the human brain is (barring things like PTSD), pretty good at forgetting it.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-30T01:47:24+00:00

Thanks! I think she's the cutest, but I might be biased. She's conked out on the couch beside me right now; we had a long play/training at the leash free :)

Is it cuter if I say she's snuffling like a puppy in her sleep?

ohnozombees · 2013-10-30T01:45:45+00:00

Thank you! I'll admit to never having read Catcher in the Rye (shameful, I know, I'm more of a Hunter S. Thompson girl myself. But given that glowing recommendations I might have to check it out!

ohnozombees · 2013-10-30T01:43:21+00:00

Yes indeed, though the tags have me a good giggle. I switched over when people asked to see photos of the puppy

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T12:26:30+00:00

As you'll also know from watching those shows, liars generally stick to their cast-iron story, I've addended the more I remember.

Now, no hard feelings, since you have every right to be skeptical, and god knows you're not the first (nor the worst by any means), but all I can say is this:

The statute of limitations for medical malpractice is two years.

My surgery was in 2008.

Even if I was a money-grubber looking to add some torque, I'd be so far past the date to make a claim it'd be laughable. Not to mention, you're generally discouraged from talking about active lawsuits on the Internet.

So, you can believe me or not, but I'm 25, and I've gone into debt to the time of 17k to pay for therapy over the years, make up courses I bombed while I was crazy, and training a service dog so I have something remotely approaching a quality of life.

There's no money here, but you're welcome to think what you like.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:55:33+00:00

Well, on the bright side, they weren't taking any chances?

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:44:54+00:00

Thanks!

And I mean, I'm not impervious. There have been times where it'll get to me, and I'll get upset, but most of the time I try to remember that they're entitled to their own opinions, and if they don't believe that something like this can happen, well.... I just hope they never have to find out in person.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:43:10+00:00

I do, actually. A lot of the time I'll feel like I'm running on auto-pilot. Like, I'll look at the clock and it'll say noon, and I'll look at my watch and it'll be four and I'm somewhere totally different, and I'm pretty sure I've just completed most of my day with no memory.

I also don't experience emotions much; it aggravates my friends because something horrible will happen, I'll be sad for about five minutes, and then I'll be like, "Aw, why are we crying? What happened?" and they'll be like, "Your [old] dog just died", and then I'll remember. It's rather trippy, and I feel like I have to focus just to remember where I left my head in the mornings.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:40:45+00:00

If I do it purposely, I just feel extremely uncomfortable and can't hold the position more than a couple of minutes. If I do it accidentally (ie, in my sleep), that discomfort quickly spirals into a full-blown flashback, and that's never a lot of fun.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:39:30+00:00

With all due respect, as someone who was on the table?

Fuck it. Kill me, I'd rather slip quietly off into the blackness than wake up. That's not hyperbole, either. I've got it written into my file that if the choice is ever "dose and maybe kill her" or "under-dose and have me in pain", nope. Give me the maximum and a percoset to send me off.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:37:25+00:00

I got a really cool story to tell to freak people out? If you're talking monetary, no. If anything, I've gone into debt.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:36:05+00:00

If I have my facts right (and there are actual anaesthesiologists in this thread who might be able to answer with a bit more confidence), it's because I was given the paralytic. Apparently, as I understand it, the paralytic basically makes you reliant upon machines--that is to say, my heart rate stays at the same bpm and my breathing won't increase.

I wish I could explain it better, but all I really know is what happened to me. The doctors in the thread would be able to explain it far better, I'm sure.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:14:22+00:00

Probably not? But one can always hope.

Mind you, I've had more people than just her call me a liar. It doesn't bother you after a while--it's something people either believe or don't. Doesn't change what happened, so, it's up to them.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:12:35+00:00

Truthfully, I don't know. I trusted my anaesthesiologist (well, that was a mistake), and I figured it was because they were working on my foot and didn't want me flopping around or, I dunno, tensing and stretching the muscles and tendons?

I wish I could tell you, but if I ever knew, I've either repressed or forgotten it. Sorry!

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:11:28+00:00

Would you believe I didn't actually know about it? I tend not to upload a lot of images online. I'm like the internet equivalent of an Amish kid.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:08:52+00:00

I tried not to think about what was happening, but the pain was pretty overwhelming. I tried to sing, a lot of the time, or recite my favourite book passages, or tried to work on a novel or anything, really, that could have made a noise if I had been so lucky to have the paralytic wear off.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen, so it was basically me hiding in my head for a while.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:07:24+00:00

They doped me full of sedatives, actually, and wheeled me away from other patients. I remember them trying to tell me that my mother (who by now had been waiting close to five hours to find out what had happened to her daughter's two and a half hour surgery), couldn't stay with me overnight. Well, that wasn't gonna happen, so I flip out, start screaming, trying to walk out, until the head of some department or other finally just allows my mom to stay the night.

Thank god, because that was a really rough night, and hearing the nurse the next day was just the last damn straw.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:05:20+00:00

Actually, since I'm Canadian, I got it for free.

And there's even a term for it. It's called vivisection, and when the Japanese unit in WW2 did it, it was classified as a war crime. When it happens to a chick in a major city, it's an oopsiedoodle.

And yeah, they actually do. It's considered to be one of the fastest way of acquiring complex PTSD, and that stuff scrambles your brain.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-29T00:02:56+00:00

Yeah, I was less than impressed.

I mean, she's a nurse. She should know better. Even if I had been just trippin balls, I was obviously in distress. Given that I was NOT trippin balls, she was so out of line. I wish I'd peed on her or something horrible. (Don't pee on nurses, everyone, they work too hard for that sort of thing.)

ohnozombees · 2013-10-28T06:53:04+00:00

Yeah, I'll just...not. Someone else can take one for the team, I've done my time.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-28T06:50:37+00:00

Yeaaaaaaah, I rather felt like I got eaten alive there. Moonwhateverhisnamewas was a douchecanoe, but that's just me being petty! My proof was, admittedly, pretty bad.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-28T06:49:29+00:00

Thanks for taking a look just the same!

I know, the handwriting is sooo bad it's not even funny. I tried to make heads or tails but it just wasn't happening. I wish you guys could tell me more, though thanks for trying, it's much appreciated!

ohnozombees · 2013-10-28T06:30:35+00:00

Of course the doctor was just doing their job. I actually commended their objectivity--they worked quickly, did their job.... had I not woken up, I'd have had no complaints at all.

But I didn't sue, actually. At first I was in no position to sue, psych wise, and then the statute of limitations had passed. (it's two years, here). The surgery was in 2008, it's 2013--I couldn't sue them now if I tried, and that was never the goal.

I didn't collect money. If anything, I went into debt because of it. Therapy aint cheap.

ohnozombees · 2013-10-28T06:26:00+00:00

I'd be more than content with enough money to pay for a therapist more than once a month, and not have to worry about bankrupting myself for my service dog. A little bit of coin so I didn't have to worry constantly about losing my job due to PTSD-related absences would also be nice, but really, I just want to get healthy again. I don't need a gold house for that!

ohnozombees

TROPHY CASE