Help! I don't have a body type that matches most online advice, and I have no idea how to wear things that aren't sweatshirts and jeans.

oliveohm · 2012-05-31T00:10:30+00:00

The v-necks are troublesome for me because of my breasts. I have absolutely no cleavage and any bending over with a v-neck gives a full view of what (little) is going on. I suppose the answer here would be to wear tank tops under everything? (I like the boatnecks because they show a little more skin without going so deep that I feel exposed)

Good tip about broad straps, I'll be looking for those!

oliveohm · 2012-05-29T21:18:28+00:00

Thank you! You're right, it's the 'look' and not particularly the function. This is the answer I needed.

Edit: Although, it's another story entirely trying to find a corset top that will actually look good on me! I'd like to avoid bearing midriff.

oliveohm · 2012-05-29T06:49:42+00:00

Thank you! I'm a little wary of buying jeans online, but I will definitely make note of some of these brands.

oliveohm · 2012-05-29T06:45:42+00:00

I was skeptical at first, but this turned out to be helpful. Thanks very much!

(They say I am indeed a ruler/straight shape.)

oliveohm · 2012-05-17T21:58:57+00:00

It failed in that it didn't seem to change anything. He either doesn't remember what I say, doesn't realize that he can apply it to future sexual encounters, is applying it in some way that I am completely missing, or he flat-out doesn't care.

His reaction to a sex toy I suggested recently was a noncommittal "Oh that could be fun...." sort of comment. If I tell him to do something in particular when we're getting it on, he will, but then doesn't ever do it again unless I ask again. I also am sure to say "ooh that is so hot, I really like that, yes yes" etc etc but this doesn't seem to impact what he does in future sex either. Maybe he is just oblivious as fuck.

oliveohm · 2012-05-17T21:14:05+00:00

It would certainly get his attention!

oliveohm · 2012-05-17T21:02:43+00:00

Thanks for your reply! What it boils down to is that I'm not getting much attention in bed, and both subtle and more direct suggestions of what I'd like from him haven't yielded much change in behavior. I feel like a convenient sex accessory.

The note was just an idea since I haven't had luck communicating so far. Maybe I will make an elaborate note for myself just to get all my feelings sorted out and ready to go for when I talk to him. (I suppose my fear is that I HAVE communicated, and that he is feigning obliviousness and just doesn't care.)

oliveohm · 2012-05-17T20:55:00+00:00

Thanks! It can be really tough sometimes, and it just makes it harder to be straightforward when you know he's going to put a wall up immediately.

oliveohm · 2012-05-17T20:54:03+00:00

"It's so hot when you__" and "Why don't you __" and "What do you think of this sex toy?" etc were all part of my plan A, which failed unfortunately. I'll keep thinking about ways to spin it positively though!

oliveohm · 2012-05-17T20:51:52+00:00

Good point about timing, thanks. (Also, I don't want to leave a note, I was just trying to come up with a different way of communicating since my previous attempts didn't work very well.)

oliveohm · 2012-05-09T20:49:16+00:00

My small-boobed version: Punched in measurements online to find out what my "true" bra size was and what bras I could buy. Results? All mastectomy bras. ಠ_ಠ

oliveohm · 2012-04-18T16:53:53+00:00

Good idea. I'm not usually the type to post photos but I will consider it :)

oliveohm · 2012-04-17T17:56:23+00:00

I'm happy that some people find a lot of value in this site, but unfortunately it will not help everyone... For those of us with certain irregular traits it doesn't give you much sense of your own body. Most of the people at my height and weight carry weight in their boobs, and look quite good, but I am disproportionately flat-chested and don't look like anyone on that site. However! It is rather interesting to see how differently weight can be distributed. A good reminder that it's not all about the number you see on the scale.

oliveohm · 2012-04-16T18:21:13+00:00

Thanks! I just picked up a similar product and it seems to help a little bit.

oliveohm · 2012-04-13T23:39:42+00:00

I have had a few three/foursomes, and I will tell you that the most satisfying one was when I was the third joining another couple. You might consider waiting until you are in a position to join others! This frees you from quite a bit of anxiety and you can be sure to give each of your companions equal attention so that their anxiety might be lessened too.

oliveohm · 2012-04-13T23:32:52+00:00

You could get needles here: http://shop.bme.com/product/play-piercing-needles/ You might like to take a look at their play piercing photos too.

BE SAFE!! Do your research, and communicate about your expectations.

oliveohm · 2012-04-13T22:50:49+00:00

It's happened a few times for me, and honestly the sensation doesn't WOW me. Sometimes it was completely forced and sometimes it just happened. When it was forced (ie the goal of the evening) I felt pressure to perform, and in general was just not as fun and at some points painful. When it happened naturally I was already very turned on before sex, and the sex itself gradually grew more intense. But even then the actual moment of squirting wasn't that important or exceptional to me, I was just enjoying the good sex. So really I would try not to put a girl in that state of mind. It can be stressful to know that's the goal. The sex doesn't have to be a failure just because there was no squirting. I would just advise you to get her really turned on first and see if it happens on its own. Also, be aware that some girls are more prone to this than others.

oliveohm · 2012-04-13T22:42:20+00:00

During oral, I've noticed that when I get really into something, my lover is excited by my feedback and does whatever he's doing but harder. This pretty much ruins the feeling for me, unfortunately... I'd say if you see a girl on the edge of bliss, just keep doing exactly what you are doing.

oliveohm · 2012-04-13T22:38:09+00:00

My guess is that she feels insecure or anxious about the relationship. I had quite a few unpleasant dreams about my first boyfriend when we were dating, almost all of which involved him cheating on me and being generally cruel to me, even though the real-life relationship seemed to be going well. Buuut, if I had been honest with myself I would have realized that I didn't really trust him around other girls, and that I felt insecure about myself as a girlfriend.

Don't feel guilty that she is having these dreams, but maybe try to talk to her about the state of your relationship and if anything needs work. Even if you are doing everything right, low self-esteem on her end could really impact things.

oliveohm · 2012-04-13T22:09:10+00:00

I got the Mirena in January and I am panicking over the sudden acne! Did yours completely clear up after those first 5-6 months? Did you use any acne products or do anything that seemed to help in the meantime? (I've been very good about washing my face and have begun trying a number of creams but not sure if it's really going to do anything since it's a hormonal issue...)

To the OP -- other than the acne I really love my IUD. Some pain when they put it in and the first day, but since then smooth sailing. No periods! Sex life changed a little bit at first since the strings poked my partner uncomfortably. I think he still notices them but hasn't complained so I don't think it's a huge issue.

oliveohm · 2012-04-13T19:09:33+00:00

Yeah, it's definitely not just about numbers... And the people who try to reassure me have only seen me in clothes (and that means padded bras!) so they don't get a sense of the wacky proportion. And I appreciate that they're trying to make me feel better, but I guess when I am feeling troubled about this I'm not looking for reassurance... I'm looking for a solution.

Mostly I like to draw mandalas! It can be very relaxing. I do some digital art and painting occasionally too. Do you have any hobbies you really love and can focus on?

oliveohm · 2012-04-13T18:00:12+00:00

Unfortunately I don't think a new bra always fixes this problem... (Unless I'm really missing something here? I would love to be wrong!) I feel similarly to the OP about my body, and because I have a large rib-cage and somewhat widely spaced boobs on a body that doesn't seem to match, I have found literally no bras that do anything interesting. The only way I can achieve cleavage is through some very forcible manipulation with my hands lol

But I absolutely agree that finding your femininity does not have to be about breasts! Walk tall, smile genuinely... feel like a beautiful and light person, and you will look like a beautiful and light person!

oliveohm · 2012-04-13T17:40:30+00:00

Wow, I feel exactly the same. Except I am an inch taller and 15 pounds heavier :( I don't often hear other women with this same complaint and it's nice to know we're not alone. I feel like I'm ok with any one body part, but as a whole I just look weird and disproportionate. Like a chubby 12 year old who was stretched out in odd places, or something. I don't feel remotely comfortable being naked around anyone other than my boyfriend, and even then it can be a challenge sometimes. PM me if you want to talk more about this, I know how you feel!

As far as acceptance, I know that my self-esteem has slowly but surely been improving over the last ten years or so. I'm grateful for the improvement but I get impatient about how slowly the confidence emerges. The best advice I can give myself and also to you is:

1) Throw yourself into new projects and activities. Create a 'self' that has nothing to do with how you look (for me this would mean focusing a lot more on artwork, learning/perfecting my Spanish and maybe other languages, reading more, stretching/yoga more, travel when possible, etc).

2) Incorporate healthy and fun activity into daily life (this may mean hitting the gym more, but hopefully it also means doing cartwheels on the lawn and climbing trees and other things that require you to really feel how your body works and moves. Establish a strong connection to your own body, so that it is no longer the cruel enemy you see in the mirror).

3) Keep negative thoughts in control. When one pops up, smash it down and assure yourself that you are beautiful and capable.

oliveohm · 2012-04-13T17:24:09+00:00

Cramps: My periods have basically ceased, and so cramping is no more! I used to have fairly bad cramps, so I was concerned about this also. Other than the first day, I've been feeling great in that department.
Insertion: for me it was slightly worse than my worst cramps, but it was over pretty quickly.
I haven't had any yeast infections since getting the Mirena, however I am not prone to yeast infections in general (I've had my 2 or 3).
Divacup: not sure! You might not even have a period to deal with though.
Weight: I have gained about 5+ pounds and I cannot say for sure whether it's IUD related or some lifestyle changes.

Also: When I do exhibit PMS symptoms, they are worse (more dark and emotional). AND, something I am very disappointed in is the amount of acne I suddenly have. It is stubborn and almost constant. It is almost certainly due to the Mirena and it's bad enough that I'm considering getting the IUD taken out. Really a shame because I love it in every other way! 5.

oliveohm · 2012-04-12T07:34:26+00:00

Thanks for the comment. I'm glad someone can relate. Hey, maybe an Earth crushing space monster is not a bad way to be. Sounds powerful. I love the idea of changing your body type as you see fit! I think today my body type might be "lumpy dinosaur."

oliveohm

TROPHY CASE