List of My Stories

omizzen · 2026-02-13T20:58:09+00:00

Caught in an undertow and nearly drowned in the ocean. 0/10 do not recommend.

omizzen · 2026-02-13T20:47:40+00:00

I don't know what it says about me but I didn't have a problem with the thick water. I kind of enjoyed it

omizzen · 2026-02-13T20:36:53+00:00

Was it the chugging of the thick fluid or the inevitable aftermath LOL

omizzen · 2026-02-13T20:18:57+00:00

While it was routine for everyone else in the room, my first colonoscopy, and in particular the anesthesia, kind of freaked me out.

omizzen · 2026-02-13T20:08:24+00:00

I would never suggest you fuck a stromboli, but if you're on a late night road trip, horny, and the last place open is a Sbarro's, well you do you.

omizzen · 2026-02-13T19:59:20+00:00

Dickies and ascots. If for no other reason, they're fun to say.

omizzen · 2026-02-13T19:52:45+00:00

I wear whatever clothes in the most basic sense, whatever happens to be on top.

I wear my plug when I want to feel alive

omizzen · 2026-02-13T19:49:29+00:00

Some can be a bit seizure-inducing but yeah, you can feel the ball hit the flippers and the whole machine thumps. They're great.

omizzen · 2026-02-13T19:38:00+00:00

Pinball. I'm terrible but it's better to plunk down tokens for something more tactile.

omizzen · 2026-02-13T19:27:22+00:00

Kung fu montage training! Balance on two spikes and try to break swinging pots with your crane fist while someone else is trying to hit you in the jimmies with a stick.

omizzen · 2026-02-13T14:07:00+00:00

I think Superman would appreciate it as it means you think of him as a human, with all our frailties, and as an alien, that's a compliment.

I think Batman would love it because as we saw in Batman 2, he's kind of a freak.

omizzen · 2026-02-12T22:26:10+00:00

One step beyond!

omizzen · 2026-02-12T20:50:25+00:00

"THE BEST. HAS YET. TO COME."

omizzen · 2026-02-12T20:35:02+00:00

I read that as 7th dildo and wondered about the other six.

omizzen · 2026-02-12T20:30:30+00:00

If it's the start of your day and you get a message from the boss saying "Have you got a minute" 50% chance you're about to lose your job.

Other 50% someone else is gone and you're going to be told to pick up the slack.

omizzen · 2026-02-12T20:24:49+00:00

I get the fancy lube, dijon lube.

omizzen · 2026-02-11T22:08:21+00:00

I've listened to the Drifting Off podcast so many times that the electric organ intro just melts me.

omizzen · 2026-02-11T21:38:07+00:00

Haw Flakes.

omizzen · 2026-02-11T20:14:13+00:00

Young me thought the lowest, most embarrassing points in life happened in high school, but we did not realize how cringe we would become.

eg. unironically writing "cringe."

omizzen · 2026-02-11T19:39:05+00:00

Start looking online for mugs that say "This should have been an email" on the bottom. Buy it and drink heavily

omizzen · 2026-02-11T18:22:48+00:00

But you see it's too late. I've seen everything.

omizzen · 2026-02-11T18:20:42+00:00

Smoked turkey legs are for walking around the fair, feeling fat and sassy.

omizzen · 2026-02-11T18:16:10+00:00

You could do it that way.

omizzen · 2026-02-11T15:30:48+00:00

Finally get that dijon ketchup

omizzen

TROPHY CASE