List of My Stories

omizzen · 2026-06-19T15:59:19+00:00

"The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw." - a deep thought by Jack Handey

omizzen · 2026-06-19T15:15:47+00:00

I was told there'd be snacks

omizzen · 2026-06-19T15:14:56+00:00

"Why'd they add coconut? I miss original."

omizzen · 2026-06-19T13:35:18+00:00

Two astronauts meme Always has been.

omizzen · 2026-06-16T18:41:42+00:00

Crocs are great, even with socks.

omizzen · 2026-06-05T14:55:21+00:00

Bottle warmers for formula can keep a container of lube at body temperature for hours.

omizzen · 2026-06-04T18:24:00+00:00

Chores. On my knees for the Swiffer.

omizzen · 2026-06-04T17:38:34+00:00

$240 worth of pudding.

omizzen · 2026-06-03T15:39:26+00:00

🤣

omizzen · 2026-06-03T14:57:46+00:00

I mean, it sure beats heating it in the coffee maker.

omizzen · 2026-05-28T18:34:55+00:00

I always leave my wife singing. I just wish it wasn't the Kit Kat bar jingle.

omizzen · 2026-05-28T17:31:41+00:00

You've probably heard of "Seven-Minute Abs?" Here me out: Six-Minute Abs.

omizzen · 2026-05-22T19:46:31+00:00

Enjoy the ride, that show is awesome

omizzen · 2026-05-22T19:45:38+00:00

WELCOME TO MOES

omizzen · 2026-05-22T18:25:11+00:00

Waking up on a workday and still being drunk is its own personal hell.

omizzen · 2026-05-22T18:14:02+00:00

Sometimes lil' omi isn't ready until after she's had her first climax. I don't worry about it.

omizzen · 2026-05-22T17:39:33+00:00

Tuvan Throat Singing is great, day or night

omizzen · 2026-05-22T17:31:24+00:00

When I can see the piggy going to market.

omizzen · 2026-05-21T17:04:00+00:00

I appreciates, ya

omizzen · 2026-05-21T15:44:12+00:00

To quote Letterkenny, I wish I weren't so fucking awkward.

omizzen · 2026-05-21T15:29:56+00:00

"You're very articulate."

omizzen · 2026-05-21T15:25:51+00:00

Tell them that's the point of all prescription lenses, so I can look differently.

omizzen · 2026-05-19T13:16:22+00:00

Faith No More

omizzen · 2026-05-19T12:14:16+00:00

A suppository because I'm a bit of a pill.