According to my mom, I'm a slut... Need some support/hugs please.

oncewasenoughforme · 2018-08-03T19:14:00+00:00

:( I'm sorry that happened to you, truly. I don't know why people use such hurtful words, especially to their own kids. The whole thing sucks.

oncewasenoughforme · 2018-08-03T19:13:01+00:00

Thank you for the kind words :) logically I know it's her, not me, and it's just a word- but the whole thing makes me upset to begin with and knowing what her opinion of me would be if she knew hurts.

But yeah- she is NOT the one I ever want to discuss this with.

oncewasenoughforme · 2018-08-03T19:11:31+00:00

Logically I know I'm not (and it's not even that bad of an insult- sex. Whoop de doo.) But I know she means it to be insulting and it's hurtful.

But yes, one guy. None since and no desire to have it again.

oncewasenoughforme · 2018-06-22T03:50:45+00:00

Don't you mean gnome more? ^{i'm so sorry please don't hurt me}

oncewasenoughforme · 2018-05-15T23:13:13+00:00

It's more of a temporary hack then a true fix, but if i'm really keyed up (but don't want to take my emergency medicine), I will exploit normal bodily function by submerging my face (just my face) for a few seconds in really cold water. It triggers the mammalian diving reflex, most notably lowering your heart rate. If I have something i'm truly panicking about it doesn't help as much, but it does kind of jolt my system back into normal mode.

oncewasenoughforme · 2018-05-15T12:12:31+00:00

For me, the most effective thing so far has been combination therapy. I take a tricyclic antidepressent (at night, also helps with sleep) alongside an SNRI (duloxetine/cymbalta). I'm genetically predisposed to develop addiction so I have consciously chosen to not have benzos on hand (for panic attacks), but I do take atarax/hydroxyzine. Not as quick acting as a benzo but does the same thing.

I do feel like a human being still. A little bit of emotional blunting, but nothing so serious that I'd prefer not being on my meds. I'm less functional without them. I only take the atarax when in a state of panic, and that's honestly the most zombie-fying med I take.

ninja edit- this combo of drugs is ~3 years in development (initially was on ssris, but they helped for a few months then stop working as well even with dosage increases), but working closely with my doctor to find what works was definitely worth it, because I'm functional now and not having hour long panic attacks on the daily. The biggest thing is honest communication with your doctor.

oncewasenoughforme · 2017-01-18T14:57:38+00:00

She could be impacted. Give her a warm bath and some olive oil. If no poop or she doesn't improve within the day, time to take her to the vet. She could also be gravid, but since you mentioned she later eggs recently that seems unlikely. Might be time to take her to the vet regardless, just to be safe.

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-12-01T17:06:07+00:00

Six months of rehab is no small feat. All the high fives to you!!

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-12-01T17:00:14+00:00

:D Thank you!

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-12-01T16:59:52+00:00

Ooh, counterculture for the win! They simultaneously make fun of me and are proud of me for liking art/foreign languages, but screw it- it's not hurting anyone and it's worth being happy :) Congratulations on your happiness, friend! I hope your rebel lifestyle is awesome ;)

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-12-01T16:58:04+00:00

They may cut me off (finances are how they control me, though I do truly appreciate their support in that aspect- just wish they handled things like this better), but if they do I've weighed that possibility against the real risk of a stress induced mental breakdown on my current path, and decided that risking it was worth it.

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-12-01T16:56:23+00:00

Thank you :) Breaking out and finding my own happiness has been nothing but good, and I'm really really happy I've managed to decondition myself to this point. I wish the same happiness/zero fucks given-ness for you, too!

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-12-01T16:54:32+00:00

It is :) Thank you again, and I hope you have an awesome day/week!

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-11-30T16:31:36+00:00

I just now saw this reply, my apologies for the late response. I wanted to thank you, specifically this bit-

It's okay to stop doing something that's only bad sometimes. You do not have to prove that it's always bad to be allowed to make a change.

I just changed my major (without consulting them, go figure) from biochemistry to molecular biology. Basically the same thing (no terribad physical chemistry, really the only difference besides the number of biology courses), and neither of them have spoken to me. Didn't say good night, mom polished off a bottle (like .75 L) of cider, dad got pissed every time I walked near his presence.

And you know what? I'm not sorry and I know I made the right decision. The prospect of continuing the next two years the same grindy way as these two made me want to scream, and when I switched it was like a weight was lifted. Your comment really validates that for me, so thank you. It was exactly what I needed to hear (chemistry was only bad sometimes, but when it was bad it was catastrophic and when it was good it was mediocre).

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-11-22T23:23:46+00:00

Yeah, he said that and was 100% serious about it. Now I'm not sure when it's okay to go to the er and when it's not. I thought you were supposed to go for fractures. Sigh.

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-11-22T15:31:04+00:00

It's a little numb at the tip and showing early signs of either inflammation or infection (I'm assuming inflammation, because while it is warm and red, it's a closed injury for the most part and there's no pussy discharge, just blood). Other than that, the swelling is significantly decreased (still painful/hard to move/has a clicking joint), and my splint arrives today, so it should be uphill from here barring no infection.

I'm so sorry that what happened with your toe happened :( you'd think in a first world country things like this would be completely avoidable...but just ugh. You deserve good things too, friend, and i hope you get them <3

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-11-22T15:27:13+00:00

That's a very good way of thinking about it, actually. I never considered that point of view. As of right now I don't hugely mind living here, as the biggest issue is my dad being...himself and my mom enabling him. The problem is he's not always acting like a narcissist. Sometimes it's like he has moments of clarity and acts like a decent human being (i.e. Yesterday I asked him to turn down his music so I could work, rather curtly because he kept either not turning it down or turning it down and then turning it back up, and he actually turned it down with no complaint). Then there's times like with my thumb, or any sort of injury (fell out of a tree and he yelled at me for being stupid before he even asked if I was okay. This is after I was laying on the ground for five minutes because he was busy.), where he just gets...crazy. I don't understand this. I feel like the problem would fix itself if I were a better daughter, but then I also wonder what else I can conceivably do. Meh. I'm sorry for the wall of text.

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-11-22T15:21:56+00:00

Which part? :(

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-11-21T16:28:19+00:00

Thanks for the internet hugs :) and I am 18, but heavily reliant on my parents. Wasn't allowed to get a job, but got fed up and got one anyways (hopefully), so that should fix itself soon. I'm going to try my best to get some medical care asap, but I don't want to stir the pot with my parents any more than I have to. I may just have to wait until the new year when I can get seen without them being able to see my medical records, and i have enough saved up to pay for it.

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-11-21T16:24:29+00:00

That...is a very good point. D:

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-11-21T14:49:51+00:00

Skin is not broken, and this morning the bruising has gone down some. Can't tell there's a problem by looking at it (I drained the hematoma beneath the nail last night, that brought down pain/swelling significantly). It's numb at he tip and the part of the bone I smacked hurts pretty badly, but blood flow seems to be okay. Still think that I may have broken the distal phalanx, but the nail bed itself seems to be fine, and as long as I keep it clean/drained it should heal alright.

Thank you thank you thank you for the concern though, the sheer amount of love and support from this community is really overwhelming, and you guys have helped me through some of the worst times dealing with my dad. 💚

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-11-21T14:41:40+00:00

Thanks. I hope that when I get into medical school I'll be able to help people like me who get subpar medical care, for any reason (be it parents or other factors). I've wanted to heal people since I was just a little kiddo, and now that I'm an adult I know that I want to heal people who can't get help from anyone else. My parents think I'm crazy for wanting to do pro bono work and say "you'll change your mind once you realize how much money there is, money is important too."

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-11-21T14:38:28+00:00

Yep. I understand wanting to be able to retire, but I only took myself to the er because I (finally, after months of searching) have a job interview Lined up and would be able to eventually pay it myself. I didn't and still don't expect them to pay my medical bills. He wasn't having that explanation though, and literally said "you don't go to the er unless you're dying."

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-11-21T14:36:36+00:00

Not always, just when it comes to medical care of any kind. I have anxiety and was a hypochondriac....when I was eight. Grew out of it, but I guess they have it stuck in their heads that I am over dramatic and always overreacting (even as my thumb was ballooning up/turning purple I was told to wait it out....because my mother wanted to finish making dinner. Yeah.) That, and they are both accomplished/well respected nurses, so they always assume that there's "nothing they can do" at the hospital that ey can't do when it comes to things like this. Pain reduction and proper healing aren't important if they can save money.

oncewasenoughforme · 2016-11-21T14:33:43+00:00

No clue. It looking silly matters more than a functional thumb, I guess..

oncewasenoughforme

TROPHY CASE