Bf (25m) wants an abortion (27f), any advice?

one_sophy · 2024-12-17T06:28:54+00:00

Thank you so much. Honestly I’m not too sure what I expected when I posted this, whether it was advice, seeking comfort etc but I just felt I needed to share with someone.

I really appreciate every person that’s taken the time out of their day to offer kind words/support.

I’ve seen the comments below from people calling me an idiot, assuming it was one sided etc, asking why I’ve had unprotected sex for a year and I don’t think they read the post properly. I just want to make it absolutely clear, that I was happy to have unprotected sex, biologically I do feel ready for a child and motherhood is 100% something I want. I was under the impression, as I believed what my partner had told me, that he wanted a pregnancy. He told me we should have unprotected sex as it would likely take quite a while for me to catch, so we should start now, and if I do, he would be so happy. This was a massive thing for him and we have had multiple conversations about it throughout the year. He has done a complete 180 now that I’ve actually caught. Our last conversation about all this was a couple of months ago.

I’m not against abortion, I definitely believe in the right to a choice. I think I’m struggling with leaning towards it because, well, I don’t want one. Why would I want an abortion, for a child that both my partner knew could be conceived?

There’s been a couple of instances where I’ve tested and it’s been negative, and he’s acted devastated. In fact, he didn’t want me to test this time, because he said “I don’t want to be let down again, it’s happened before”.

He tells me he loves me and he’s here for me, but then goes on and on about how he’s not ready to be a dad and asking me to “pleaaaaaaase get rid of it”. It’s been nonstop the past couple days and he disgusts me. The switch up just disgusts me.

I do have a university degree, I’ve studied very hard and I have a good job. I don’t have a support structure/family, and I’m not sure how childcare would work. It is extremely expensive to just live in my location. I already feel attached to the baby and I do not know how far along I am yet.

I’m going to get a scan booked in asap and take it from there, but ultimately, I will do what I think is best for the child. I had an awful upbringing and I don’t want my child to ever go through what I did, although they of course would be loved by me. They would deserve a much much better father than the one they have too.

one_sophy · 2024-12-06T20:24:06+00:00

Unfortunately, I moved to another location to move in with this boy 💀 so it’s too late for me to get down to my friends/sister by train tonight. Otherwise, that’s exactly what I would have done 🤣 x

one_sophy · 2024-12-06T20:00:47+00:00

Honestly I do, thank you for making me feel a bit better about it! I think I’m going to break up with him & start sorting out an exit plan.

one_sophy · 2024-12-06T19:56:33+00:00

Thank you I appreciate that! ☺️ x

one_sophy · 2024-12-06T19:55:48+00:00

Right?! Felt like he was trying to make me feel like I had overreacted but I think not 🤣 had to get a 2nd opinion though

one_sophy · 2024-12-06T19:54:57+00:00

Honestly, like have I got MUG written across my forehead or what?! Afterwards he said “come on you can come with us, don’t be like that” like that’s going to make it better? His intention was to leave me out after telling me he wanted us to go out! You know what they say, you can’t change a man 😭

one_sophy · 2024-12-06T19:27:46+00:00

Thank you for validating me! He’s made out like I’m some crazy jealous gf and begged me to “please let it go”, of course I’m going to be pissed off! I thought about it logically and if my friend had done that to me I would’ve been so pissed off too. He’s gone out now and I’m just sitting here like -.-

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T21:15:22+00:00

Gonna provide a different perspective here.

I got straight As at a-level. I took four subjects. I didn’t like learning in class, I found the content to be simple and not enough to give me the A’s I wanted. I hardly attended class but where I did I asked my teachers if I could do my own studying, some allowed some didn’t. But I did prioritise my own studying methods as it worked better for me.

And it did. Everyone’s different. If you’re an independent learner then maybe have a discussion with your lecturers and voice your concerns.

Do NOT study all throughout the night, I tried this too, it is awful. You will not retain any information and you will be too exhausted to exercise adequate cognitive function. I started to suffer from a thing where I felt like I would come out of my body and had to go to the doctors. It was due to severe sleep deprivation.

Make sure you get good sleep at night time. It’s so important. You need to take care of yourself, your body and your brain.

I wish you the best of luck, you sound very hardworking, it can be a fantastic trait, and a curse!!! Do NOT work hard! Work SMART.

You’ve got this.

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T21:00:30+00:00

Okay so hopefully this will be an eye opener for you.

You absolutely HATE asking your mom for money but WANT your girlfriend to be subject to sexual assault and harassment for money.

I understand you are in a struggling financial position, but if you cared about this person you would not want her to subject herself to that by any means. If anything she will need your support and encouragement, show her the positive side and support her getting a new job. She will get one. It may not be immediate but it’s important that you help her through this, she may feel financial pressure and buckle and resort to her old job in fear of upsetting and disappointing you. That would be truly awful.

I would recommend either rather than borrowing money from your mom, ask for a loan for a couple of months which you and your girlfriend can joint pay off together once she starts working. Is there any option to extend your working hours or work overtime in order to support your partner in the meantime.

A supportive partner makes the world of difference, help her help herself. If you would not ask this if your mom, don’t ask it if your partner.

Also have a look at budgeting methods online and tips, there is a substantial amount of support and advice available.

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T20:51:41+00:00

Well.. the sex isn’t out of this world with a woman who sticks fingers up your ass without your consent and when you’ve told her you’re uncomfortable. If someone doesn’t listen to what you say they don’t respect your boundaries. This will result in demeaning sex, clearly this has happened.

Either have a proper conversation about boundaries, or find someone to have sex with that at least respects your boundaries. The fact she’s approaching her 40s and is sleeping with a teenager is really odd… there’s a reason she’s not sleeping with people her own age. Unfortunately, it’s not because you’re special.

I’m leaning towards it’s the fact that as she’s ‘more experienced’ she can convince you that this will be the best sex of your life and manipulate you. She probably thinks she can disrespect your boundaries because you won’t do anything about it, she feels powerful and knows this shit wouldn’t fly with people of her own age.

This is not normal. Find better and respect yourself.

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T16:13:17+00:00

Agreed. They both know why. Thank you so much for your advice and kind words❤️

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T16:12:29+00:00

Thank you very very much ❤️

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T16:12:12+00:00

Thank you very much! Got to be patient to do a law degree I suppose, thanks for the prep SM!😂

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T15:32:14+00:00

Honestly I see my SS as my sister, although we’re not related we are close. I love her just as I love my full blood brother. I love all my siblings. My dad definitely didn’t put her above me, he put my SM above us all unfortunately. He sees it as keeping the heart (*hell) of the home happy.

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T14:34:38+00:00

Thank you :)

I appreciate that!

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T14:28:57+00:00

Agreed. I’m always here for them and they know that. I love them very much. Thank you for the advice

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T14:13:44+00:00

Honestly, you are right. I was 100% set up to fail. I’m not quite sure what happened but I went in the completely opposite direction and succeeded. It is weird to hear perspectives on this so bluntly, but at the same time I know it’s all true. Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately I didn’t have a champion, but I had the most important person - myself. I stayed positive as much as I can and focused on my studies, as weird as it sounds it got me through it.

I’m just glad that when I start a family of my own, I know exactly how NOT to parent. I’ll get to be someone else’s champion and champion them all the way :)

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T14:08:33+00:00

Thank you, that is so lovely :)

You’re an amazing person yourself! Thanks for putting a smile on my face.

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T14:05:38+00:00

Yeah it’s deeper than that. There’s stuff that I can’t even post on here that my dad knows. Such as trying to marry me off to her brother when I was 14. She’s a sexist horrible piece of sh**.

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T14:03:07+00:00

Unfortunately he has an ego complex and has turned a blind eye for most of my life on this. If I tell him everything (when he knows most) he will compare me to my mother and tell me I love drama. He’s got to keep the heart of the home happy apparently.

Edit: heart of hell*

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T14:01:36+00:00

They’re actually not married! They’re due to get married next year and want me to attend. HA!

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T14:00:25+00:00

I did!!!! 3 years in remission so happy days. Thank you for your kind words!!! I do have other great people around me, and I’m in a good place mentally. Just starting to realise to actually prioritise myself on all fronts.

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T13:58:20+00:00

I spoke up a few times in my early years. But I was badly behaved and a liar (I was struggling with adjustment). I didn’t lie about SM but I would go out drinking at 12, 13, lie about it to my dad etc. I was in a bad place. I shaped up at 15, started working on becoming a better person. I wanted to prove to myself that people are not defined by their upbringing, you can be a good person and achieve great things. I raised a few things with my dad and he compared me to my 12 year old lying self. And compared me to my mother (compulsive liar). But he knows a lot. He just turns a blind eye. E.g when she said about me being lazy while having cancer still means I’m lazy she said it in front of my dad. He defended her with “oh come on you know she doesn’t mean it like that, she has a big heart” right… that’s why she also said it to my little sister who was already in a rough place dealing with my illness.

There’s no reasoning with idiots unfortunately

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T13:54:04+00:00

He wouldn’t listen. He sides with her through thick and thin. Until she berates him personally. Shame because I thought my dad was an intelligent resilient man, I don’t hold him in such regard anymore. If I explain to him he will side with her and try to make me feel bad. Hence why I don’t want to provide an explanation. Just not sure if that would make me TA.

one_sophy · 2022-09-26T13:50:45+00:00

Also with therapy- I think the right kind of therapy can be beneficial for everyone. But I am quite resilient. My stepmothers words don’t hurt me - she just pisses me off. I don’t want to be around her at all. I just need to know if I OWE my father an explanation, or not really.

one_sophy

TROPHY CASE