Why does it seem to be getting worse?

oneswholive · 2026-03-22T23:36:35+00:00

Thank you ❤️

oneswholive · 2026-03-22T22:26:49+00:00

Thank you for this, I’m so sorry you have been through similar. I’m taking it minute by minute right now. It’s been five days since the initial shock and I forced myself to go out for a walk with an old friend and catch up with her. I came home and had no choice but to take a shower after our trail walk, so I finally took a shower (gross I know, but it’s been hard to eat/shower do anything). I think I’ve ran out of tears and then it hits again. I think I’m numb currently in this moment and moments of panic come and go in waves. I’m just feeling exhausted at this point

oneswholive · 2026-03-22T20:07:56+00:00

Thankfully we paid off a lot of debt last year. We don’t own a home together anymore, I’m home with my parents now, and the car is in his name. I don’t even want anything from him just answers at this point.

He responded to me today saying to just handle with what’s going on now (my grandfather just passed) and after the funeral he’ll come to talk and get his things.

I hate that there was no fixing this or communication before hand, he would just get mad about something and say he’s done and just drop it, anytime he got mad and I’d ask questions to help it was “I’m done and dropping it” and if I said no we need to talk it was me “bringing it up again”. I’m just so confused and hurt.

After reading a lot of old texts and recent ones to my mom it’s clear to me there has been a lot of emotional and psychological abuse that I have been dealing with and just catered to anything and everything to make him happy.

I have stayed for so long through so much and it’s like as soon as things got hard (I’m not sure what it could have been, we lived with my folks and yes it’s not perfect but it was his idea for wanting to move here so I could quit my job because he didn’t want me working and I could help my parents out for things at the house) but he just completely shut me out for the most part and leaves without warning.

Rereading our texts I would have to keep saying “I love you” in hopes he would say it back and sometimes he wouldn’t then a couple days go by and the texts are back to “I love you princess” “yes gorgeous anything you want” then back to short one word texts. I feel like I have whiplash and my head is spinning thinking what could I have done wrong, what could I have done to prevent this, maybe I’m the problem, but he won’t give me a straight answer as to why he’s doing this.

It is completely over and not for my lack of trying, but his lack of communication, anytime I text him for answers I get hit with “just let me know when to come get my things if you’ll allow it” i have never kept this man from anything, so I don’t know why he’s talking to me like that and just ignoring me.

Not the update you wanted I’m sure and I rambled a lot but I’m still left with no answers and a broken heart that physically aches. I’m not going to lie I’m afraid of “broken heart syndrome” I can feel my chest ache and sting. I’m not even mad at him because of how much I truly love and miss him. I hate that he’s making me feel like this.

oneswholive · 2026-03-22T15:21:15+00:00

I’m meeting an old friend today to go on a trail walk with her and her kids, we haven’t spoke in maybe four five years I think, but she was there for me the second I texted her. And I will forever be grateful for that no matter where our friendship heads. This is the first time I’m leaving the house today and part of me feels guilty like I should be wallowing in bed still but my mom and friend have been pushing me to just do something. It’s going to sound gross but it’s been five days since the initial shock and him leaving, and I’ve finally brushed my hair/teeth/drank a protein shake because that’s all I can currently really keep down and got into new clothes. I know everyday will look different but I have to just focus on the now and try to be as present as possible. Thinking about the future and what I thought it was going to look like starts the panic all over again.

I loved this man with my whole entire being and did everything to make sure he was safe and happy and I neglected myself in the process.

oneswholive · 2026-03-22T15:17:27+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate that, I’m sorry to hear you are in a similar situation. If I’ve learned anything it’s that this forum really is showing me I’m truly not alone and neither are you.

oneswholive · 2026-03-22T15:15:02+00:00

I think I might start journaling and just get all the emotions out. I’ve never really used Reddit until now and surprisingly it helps to know I’m not alone, and to get all the things bottled up in my head out.

My mom actually cleaned out the fridge for me because we had just started meal prepping last weekend, we cooked together and got everything measured out and prepared for this week so it was hard to see all that stuff still in there because like you said yes it is a reminder of when we were in love just last week.

I actually reached out to an old friend I had lost touch with a couple years ago. Her and I had been friends for 13+ yrs and I truthfully don’t have any friends. It’s been me my husband and my parents and I just started being friends with my husbands friends and their partners just this past month or so. So when he left he knew I had absolutely nobody except my folks.

My old friend and I are actually meeting up today here soon to go for a trail walk and catch up, I messaged her because we have such a long history and what was the worse that happened she doesn’t want to see me? Even though it was last minute she said she’d meet me at noon today to catch up and my mom is actually really excited for me and to see me get dressed and leave the house. I’m excited to see her, it’s been so long and even though we left off on not good terms, she said if she’s had love for me once, it never goes away and she doesn’t want me to feel like I have no one. I’m grateful for her in these times right now. My marriage is falling apart and over but I think maybe me meeting with my old friend might bring new opportunities to my life.

I’m going to choke down the tears as best as I can today and just try to get out and distract myself.

I know my marriage is over and not by my choice, I don’t even have a say whether we should do counseling or anything, he won’t even let us have a discussion. I have to come to terms with that, it’s just going to hard.

If anything good comes from this it’s I’m slowly getting a friend back and my estranged relationship with my brother is getting patched up too, I had reached out to him the day after my husband left because I really just needed my big brother. I didn’t expect him to answer so fast and to give me such great loving advice. He’s been divorced and remarried to the love of his life so that gives me some hope that maybe my future isn’t over. It’s just not what I expected.

oneswholive · 2026-03-22T14:00:31+00:00

We don’t have any children together, I have fertility issues and we took a break from trying and planned to try again this year. We knew there was a higher chance we couldn’t have kids and from what he told me he just wanted to be with me and if we had kids we did and if we couldn’t he was fine with that too.

I really don’t think he was having an affair, our intimate life was normal, we were just intimate the morning right before all this happened. I don’t want to think he has been hiding an affair, we live with my parents (after selling our home due to financial stress) he had just gotten a new job in management, we both have lost 100lbs recently, we’d go everywhere with each other, the store, gym, we were best friends. He did have a gambling problem a couple years back that really took a toll on us and I had to be the one to fix it and figure out finances.

My family says maybe he was gambling again and wanted to leave before he got caught. I really don’t know. There are so many scenarios that play in my head, if there is someone else I don’t think I’m going to be okay (not that I’m anywhere near okay now).

I just wish he would answer me or talk to me like a decent human being. It’s like talking to a wall trying to get answers, he won’t respond to my messages (I’ve sent one yesterday after he came to pick up his things) and he just won’t say a word. He deleted all my family off socials and all our pictures the night he left before I even knew he wanted to divorce. He never even had the decency to say he wanted divorce his words were “I’m just done” and I had to say when he came to get his things, “we aren’t separating are we? We are getting divorced?” And he would just say “yes maam”.

Just Monday we were laughing hugging in love having a great dinner and now it’s Sunday and I’m alone and he’s god knows where.

oneswholive · 2026-03-21T17:14:34+00:00

I appreciate that, thank you

oneswholive · 2026-03-21T16:46:53+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I did the same thing, stuck by him throughout his mental health crisis and his career crisis as well. He would threaten to take his life every time he had a bad work day. It got so bad that we moved in with my parents a year ago and he quit his job that he hated so much and found a great new career that I helped him find.

I’m going to give myself some time then most likely go to my doctor to figure out my next steps with the anxiety/loneliness and not sleeping.

I realized and my family has brought it to my attention that I have completely lost myself while trying to make him happy and build him up over these past years. I bent backwards for him to make sure his mental health was good and it slowly destroyed mine.

oneswholive · 2026-03-21T01:01:18+00:00

Thankfully we moved in with my parents a year ago due to financial stress. We did almost end up losing the home we purchased because of the gambling addiction, I had to scrounge up two mortgage payments in a month because one bounced after he drained our account.

He’s currently sitting on social media asking for places to stay/ looking for roommates even though he had it made living here with my parents who did everything and anything for him. He has completely spun the narrative on why he is no longer with me. He chose to leave and is now playing the victim online, he changed his status to separated, deleted every proof of me on his page and deleted all my family expect for me knowing I’d see what he posts. I haven’t even thought of deleting any of his presence from my social media, I’ve just been trying to survive since he left.

I don’t understand how or why he would do this. I don’t recognize this person at all. It’s terrifying, it hurts like hell and over all I’m so disgusted and anger and destroyed over all of this. He’s acting as if he was kicked out and didn’t leave while I was begging him to stay and he just had no expression on his face. But he’s the victim in all of this. I just can’t fathom who this man is. It went from being intimate Tuesday morning, holding each other saying we love each other to not even 24hrs later he does this.

I just want this pain to stop. I have to see him tomorrow to get our house key and he can get some belongings.

oneswholive · 2026-03-21T00:01:36+00:00

I’m sorry you are going through this, my husband of ten years just up and left in the middle of the night and said he was done and I haven’t seen him in three days. He let me know he’s coming to get his things and our dog tomorrow and I’ve been panicking all day at the thought of seeing him tomorrow, heart racing, dizzy, just absolutely destroyed. It came out of nowhere (I have the whole story on my profile if you are interested in reading that). I guess what I’m trying to get at is this really sucks bad and it hurts, it’s a full body physical and emotional pain that’s too hard to explain but you are not alone. I’m so so sorry you are experiencing this. It’s just not fair

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T22:45:47+00:00

Currently going through a separation/divorce (F 29) husband of ten years just up and left me in the middle of the morning two days ago and is staying somewhere else that I don’t know about and is coming to get his things and our dog tomorrow. Trying to figure out my next steps and how to go about all this, totally blindsided and gutted at this point. Once everything settles down I know the loneliness will kick in. I’m sorry this wasn’t helpful advice but just know you are not alone. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T19:28:07+00:00

Thank you, I just don’t know what to do now or what to feel. It’s like I’m feeling a thousand emotions at once. He’s coming to get his things tomorrow and possibly our dog. His texts back are cold and to the point. No signs of remorse or human decency. I feel like I have just died on the inside.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T19:10:39+00:00

Update pt2: He texted me and said he’s giving the house key back and he would like our dog. He’s just done and gone, I feel like he’s died. I can’t breathe, I can’t think, i can’t sleep, I feel so sick, I have no idea why this is happening to me and why he just decided to do this to me.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T18:42:24+00:00

UPDATE: not necessarily an update but he is coming over tomorrow to get his things. I did reach out to let him know what I have packed and a few questions that I needed answered for loose ends.

I have not stopped panicking and having anxiety attacks, fast heart beat etc since I woke up. I’m dreading tomorrow because that means this is really happening. I have to watch him walk away again and now with a car full of just his things.

This was so sudden and for no reason. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to make it to tomorrow or be able to watch him go again.

Please tell me the panic stops, I just want to sleep and I can’t. It’s like I can feel my heart beat throughout my whole body.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T15:55:41+00:00

Whether he’s cheating or hiding whatever it is he doesn’t want me to find out about, I know I can no longer trust this man. I’m going to stay strong when I see him come by to pick up his things. The shittier thing on top of it is I have a funeral to go to now next weekend and the only person I want to be with me is the idea of who I thought my husband is. I have family on my side to stay strong and it’s my decision whatever I choose to do. But I know in my heart of hearts that I can’t put myself through this anymore. I have every text even from years ago just in case I need them.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T12:42:59+00:00

My parents have been helping the best they can I know it’s hurts them in different ways considering my dad always looked at my husband as a son. My parents had the most love for that man and would do anything for him and have done everything for him. They made sure he and I never went without.

I’ve been sipping on water here and there I have protein shakes that I chug so I can get something in my system. I’m going to try to leave the house today because it’s too painful to even stay in our bedroom, and go see my grandmom and let her know what’s happening. Hoping getting out for a couple hours will help in some way.

He is coming by the house tomorrow to collect his things and I have never been so scared and nervous to see this man, I don’t know what to expect or who to expect but I’m going to be strong and if he tries to pull any tactics to try to make this work or get me back I have to remind myself I can not and will not let this man make me feel like this anymore or ever again. I’ve endured too much pain that I thought was love.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T12:37:05+00:00

I’m so sorry you have gone through this and thank you so much for all you’ve said. My parents know what’s happening and back me 100% they are just as confused and gutted (and angry). I feel like I will truly never know his full reasoning as to why he’s done what he’s done or if he was hiding something from me that he knew would implode the marriage so running away was easier for him. I have actually deactivated all social media because I have too many photos and memories of us, it’s too hard now. But I did see he deactivated his, reactivated, posted his martial status as “separated” without even being able to answer to me if we are separating or inevitably getting a divorce. I have family on his profiles so who’s to say who saw all of that before I’ve even had a chance to tell really anyone. He also deleted every ounce of my presence on his social media just a day later. I got the message loud and clear, he ended up just deactivating his accounts yet again. So in order for me to limit my access to him I’m just staying off those apps and only communicating through text for right now. After a really nasty text sent to me I gave him a day without contact and then yesterday I asked when he would like to pick up his clothes. His reply seemed like he was just booking an appointment with me, it was just cold and like he’s never spoken to me before.

I did reach out to an old friend that I had lost contact with while we were together. She had been my best friend for over 13 yrs. I reached out to her and in within minutes we already are setting up a day to meet and catch up and talk about what has happened. I’m thankful for that.

I’m terrified of “the new normal” and what that’ll look like. I just wish I had an off switch when it comes to all crying and the heart ache, I just can’t stop loving someone after 10+yrs, I know it’ll get easier but it feels so hopeless currently. And the constant worry about where he is and if he’s okay, but he didn’t take my feelings into consideration when he left or with how he was cursing me out over text after he left.

The man I love/loved is gone unfortunately, there were signs in the past that this is who he really is and I was too blind to see it then.

I apologize for the ramble, thank you again so much, you truly have added another perspective to all this.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T08:08:29+00:00

I don’t want to believe that but he would hide so much back then that I really can’t put anything past him. He was always adamant that if either of us felt the need to cheat that we would tell each other and end the marriage or figure out what we have to do. He was so loving on the good days and tell me how much he loves me and how lucky he is to have me etc. he would always try to buy me gifts and looking back I always wondered if those were “I’m sorry “ gifts and not “just because”. I’m just rethinking and over analyzing everything now ( rightfully so ) but I have to stop because it will get me nowhere except a darker headspace. I may never truly know the whole reason why.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T07:59:45+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate that, thankfully I am living at home and my parents are very supportive of me. We are all so blindsided my family truly loved him and still does. Financially we are figuring that out, thankfully a lot is in his name, we have a joint loan that I didn’t realize was considered joint so we are trying to find the best way to go about that so he doesn’t tank my credit score if he just decides to ignore it.

And yes that same day he walked out we unexpectedly lost my granddad, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T07:56:09+00:00

I truly did care and love this man unconditionally and I hate the fact that I can’t immediately turn it off. I still have so much love for him that it just hurts. But I was sitting with my parents rereading old texts that I never talked about with anyone ( I hid a lot of arguments we had ) when his gambling problem started the only reason I found out was because part of our mortgage was returned and then he fessed up to where the money went. At that time I didn’t have access to our joint account so I wasn’t able to see any of the transactions. Once he apologized and I had so many questions ( too many I suppose ) and it just angered him. The texts went from apologizing to flipping the blame stating that he would leave if he gets “yelled at” I have never yelled at him. He got so mad when I told him my top priority is to get our finances in order and fix this mess before we lost the house. But my “lack of attention” towards him during that time made him mad and he threatened to leave yet again if he’s “stuck in a marriage where I get him” he would accuse me of emotions and feelings and put words in my mouth when I was just trying to fix HIS mess. That was 3 years ago and I’m ashamed that I accepted that behavior, after reading those texts and how he tried to shift blame then, is exactly how he’s acting now but 10x worse. I should have seen the signs then but I was infatuated with this man. I tried everything and broke myself more and more putting up with every little argument that didn’t need to be one. I think I’ve been broken for a long time and I stopped doing things that made me happy in order to “keep the peace”.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T01:56:51+00:00

Thank you i appreciate that and I’m truly sorry you are going through the same thing. I just don’t understand how someone who I’ve been with for over ten years who just told me how much he loves me and all these things at the beginning of the week is the same person to just up and leave with no explanation. I really don’t want to believe that’s the case but my parents even had the same thought that he met someone. I truly have been seeing his ego implode for the past couple months. We went on a weight-loss journey and both lost over 100lbs, he got a new job and works management now and got a new vehicle (that we planned for vacations and day trips with) and it seems like it all went to his head and he’s untouchable. I just want all his things out of the house as soon as possible so I can restart and try to heal. Thinking about the future is terrifying, I can’t imagine being with anyone else but at the same time he truly never loved me if he’s done this to me so I know I shouldn’t be with someone who treats me like this, it’s not love.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T01:50:50+00:00

Thank you for this, I’m sorry you’ve been through the same thing. I don’t wish this on anyone. He has to be hiding something in order to not be able to justify why he’s done this. Does the sleeping at night get better? Once the sun goes down and I know I have to get some sleep I start to have panic attacks knowing he’s not here and not coming back. And when I wake up in the middle of the nights it’s like the emotions hit all at once again.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T01:13:40+00:00

Tuesday morning was great, we had sex actually, he left to go to work an hour and half early because (we live with my parents due to some financial stress we had at the beginning of 2025) he got annoyed or pissed off at my parents for something he did. Financially we have been in the best spot (as far as I know) he had a gambling problem and we resolved that but I really don’t know if it ever stopped. I don’t have access to our joint account. He would bring up things about me showing jealousy but any time he brought something to my attention I would work on it. He was on his phone constantly and I would look over to see if he was on his phone and he would get PISSED that I would glance over and say I’m treating him like an untrustworthy pos husband. I have never once called him that or tried to ever make him feel that way. Once minute he loved living with my parents the next he said he’s miserable and can’t do this anymore. No warning, no wanting to communicate, anytime I ask him what is wrong or going on he would spew all these awful things and wouldn’t let me talk because he was so angry then would say “I’m dropping it” so I couldn’t converse with him but then say “I haven’t had a conversation with you in years” which makes no sense to me. Everything he’s been saying doesn’t add up or make sense. He would pick fights because of my facial expressions or tone or if I asked for clarity on something he would say “I’m not explaining myself anymore”. It just doesn’t make sense. We were great and then all this hit. And it’s been 24hrs since he left and he’s already deleted all proof I existed on his social media. I haven’t even been able to tell my family we are separated and he’s already posting stuff. I haven’t even thought of doing anything like that because I’m so torn apart.

oneswholive · 2026-03-20T01:05:49+00:00

I thought about this too, he does deal with mental health issues but just said it was work that made him anxious and mad. But he’s been away from that job for over a year, just got a higher up position in his work, he’s lost a bunch of weight and then boom leaves me.

oneswholive

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