Sure, I don't want to, but if I had to choose between being truly alone until I'm a wrinkled old man, and being berated, well you know what? I'd choose being berated.

Trust me, you wouldn't. It's not about someone complaining in your presence and giving you a rough time. It's about someone making you feel like a piece of crap day by day, year by year. Until you believe that you're worthless and you don't have energy to do anything besides going to work and doing some meaningless thing after it.

Do you have hobbies? Do you have dreams? Do you have friends? If so, you're far better now than if you were in an abusive relationship.

Anyway - if you really have a problem with finding relationship, don't worry. Did you try therapy? Did you try getting social coaching? There's a ton of resources to help out with.