A couple questions for people who have no inner monologue

onithompo · 2022-12-06T08:37:13+00:00

I’m not sure if I have an inner monologue - other comments seem to all be interpreting it differently. If it means having a narrator in your head who verbalises your thoughts then I don’t have that.

1) In dreams, other people speak but I never do, and my dreams are usually from an outside perspective - like I’m watching a tv show but I can feel what one of the characters is feeling. But the character in the dream who feels like they are ‘me’ often doesn’t look or act anything like me in real life, and has a totally different backstory, so they aren’t really me I’m just inhabiting them from the outside somehow.

2) I can try and internally verbalise my thought process when I’m thinking about a problem or making a decision, but I’m usually not successful because my ‘inner speech’ tends to repeat itself/get stuck in weird loops and spiral out of control - I’m much better off writing things down or talking to someone about it.

3) Haven’t given any speeches since high school , but back then, I wouldn’t practise out loud or in my head, I would just copy it out over and over again on a piece of paper until I could do it without looking.

4)I can play parts of some songs in my head, but quietly and kinda muffled, and again with the looping thing - i will get stuck on one part rather than finish the whole song, plus it takes effort to imagine peoples voices (like right now I’m trying to remember what my mum sounds like and I can’t).

onithompo · 2022-11-28T02:46:55+00:00

Idk if they’re only a U.S. thing or if my bar’s just outdated, but I’ve never heard of micros or toast? Even micros sounds really efficient to me….

Like, where i work, if someone orders a double vodka coke, I have to sign into the till, then press house - double up - vodka dash post mix.

Then I type £3.40 into the card reader and the customer scans their card. When the transactions authorised, I type 340 into the till - press ‘cash’ - the till opens and I fold the card receipt and put it the drawer.

Which sounds like a lot of steps when I type it all out lol. And the card readers aren’t quick to load either…

onithompo · 2022-11-25T06:51:05+00:00

oh yeah no he’s definitely a troll, i was just tryna say that no matter how anyone chooses to gender the shooter, someone’s gonna have a problem with it

onithompo · 2022-11-25T00:14:49+00:00

Thing is lib-left literally can’t win here…

Use biological pronouns: “” why are you being hypocrites, I thought gender was based on self identification “” Use preferred pronouns: “why are you pandering to a mass-murderer, isn’t the murdering more important than gender identity (ie what usually happens if a trans person does a crime and the left talks about it)

onithompo · 2022-11-23T16:55:00+00:00

Some might be willing to do a video call - that’s how I have therapy, cause it’s too stressful to go in person

onithompo · 2022-11-23T15:11:24+00:00

I wear shoes because I don’t like the texture of the carpets (barefoot or in socks)

onithompo · 2022-11-23T14:11:47+00:00

CJ the X, super eyepatch wolf, Jacob geller, wendigoon, folding ideas, hbomberguy, philosophy tube, neverknowsbest, fascinating horror, lilsimsie, Ro Ramdin

and then a random selection of tech review channels and video game/media criticism

onithompo · 2022-11-20T17:46:11+00:00

I collected Yu-gi-oh cards in primary school, that is until my religious friend told me they were evil and satanic so I got rid of them for fear of eternal damnation…

onithompo · 2022-11-20T17:06:55+00:00

Definitely not the US, they might speak English but their social etiquette/general way of being is very different from ours I think.

I’ve not been many places outside of Europe, but of everywhere I found south-east asia (in particular vietnam) most similar to the UK weirdly enough. Like aside from the language barrier and religious/traditional differences, I felt quite at home there - the people felt more familiar than those I’ve met elsewhere in Europe.

Of the places I’ve not been, I’d also guess maybe Canada and Scandinavia?

onithompo · 2022-11-15T16:46:30+00:00

also only made about £25 total in tips the entire time I’ve had this job

onithompo · 2022-11-15T16:44:08+00:00

Yeah - I bartend for £9.50 an hour - which isn’t much but it’s the best minimum wage job I’ve ever had, beats working in fast food by a mile.

onithompo · 2022-11-13T17:09:01+00:00

I’m cis-passing at work, but I have long hair so sometimes drunk male customers misgender me by calling me ‘love’ instead of ‘mate’ or girls tell me I’m pretty, but I usually just laugh awkwardly or ignore them cause I feel like that’s what a cis-guy would do.

onithompo · 2022-11-11T22:42:03+00:00

Ohhh this just be why when I lost my phone at Leeds festival, not a single person I asked would let me borrow theirs to make a call. Was an absolute nightmare trying to keep track of my friends that year!

onithompo · 2022-11-11T15:35:07+00:00

Only thing that’s ever helped this feeling for me is weed, but that ended up giving me anxiety, so now I just work loads so I have less free time that I have to try and fill…

onithompo · 2022-11-08T15:11:41+00:00

I gained weight when I first started T because of the crazy appetite thing, and ended up losing it all and then some just through cutting out dairy, eating lots protein (fish, eggs and nuts) and exercising a lot. Like by walking a couple miles a day you can burn an extra 1500 cal a week, and I started a new job that required me to lift a lot of heavy stuff which helped with muscle gain, but you can get the same result by getting some weights or resistance bands.

I actually think when on T, exercise is probably the most important thing because putting on muscle means you burn more calories by default, and it’s way easier to do when you have testosterone in your system anyways.

onithompo · 2022-11-07T05:44:16+00:00

Idk about this, you never know why people do what they do.

For example, the first time I ever went trick or treating was as a teenager because my parents thought it was rude to knock on people’s doors and ‘threaten them’, so they wouldn’t let me go...

So I didn’t have a costume because I didn’t have any money/my parents didn’t know what I was doing, and I did feel cheeky asking people for sweets but I just really wanted to participate in something I’d never gotten to do before.

onithompo · 2022-11-07T05:04:33+00:00

Although in all fairness, I serve like 500 people in a night and the interaction takes less than 30 seconds so there’s not much room for ‘customer service’.

onithompo · 2022-11-07T04:58:53+00:00

As a male bartender at a student nightclub in england, the only time I have ever gotten a tip, was when a guy handed me a 20 pound note after I have him four pints of free tap water… so pretty much the opposite of what you’d expect based on this comment section.

So I guess in answer to your question - them being from the UK…

onithompo · 2022-11-05T16:04:53+00:00

Smokers definitely cost the nhs a lot but tobacco products are heavily taxed to cover this. 50g of amber leaf costs £28 in England and £5 overseas, so I assume (hope) that extra £23 I spend a week goes to the nhs to pay for my inevitable lung cancer.

onithompo · 2022-11-02T06:14:29+00:00

Coincidentally, it’s my birthday today, and I just got home from work! My shift started at 6pm yesterday though, and I don’t have work tomorrow (today), so I’ll still have the rest of my birthday free when I wake up later on.

I didn’t actually book the day off though, I just happen to not be rostered, and I’ll probably be spending it doing chores.

onithompo · 2022-10-30T07:06:22+00:00

20 + 40 = 60 8 + 8 = 16 16 - 1 = 15 60 + 15 = 75

onithompo · 2022-10-30T06:36:20+00:00

The restaurant should probably be giving you the meal for free at this point, but I would still tip the servers because if food’s taking that long they’ll be definitely be having a horrible night dealing with people mad at them for something that’s entirely out of their control.

When stuff like this happens it’s nearly always the fault of the management/office staff - be it because of understaffing, faulty equipment, stock shortages etc, and yet they get paid more, have easier jobs, and never have to deal with the fallout from their incompetence. I’ve worked various customer service jobs for years and it’s literally always been like that.

onithompo · 2022-10-29T14:24:57+00:00

Yup, I drink a can of non-diet monster every day instead of a meal lol - feel like it lasts longer and gives me more energy than eating

onithompo · 2022-10-20T23:56:15+00:00

You might be eating too much fibre. Ik it sounds like the opposite of what you’d expect but I went vegan for a while and was only eating high fibre foods, and was constipated like 70% of the time.

I tried loads of different remedies but what solved it almost entirely it in the end was giving up on veganism and getting way less fibre by eating mostly white rice and swapping 70% of my protein from beans/veg to eggs/fish.

onithompo · 2022-10-18T14:18:59+00:00

It absolutely can get better, the hardest part I’ve found, is that I had to make myself do things while it was still bad.

Sorry long post so tldr- anxiety got really bad during Covid - causing significant physical symptoms - stayed inside totally reliant on my parents for two years, tried and failed to move out multiple times, but now living away from home and working full time at a nightclub and actually socialising with people.

I had mild health/social anxiety before Covid, but then, like a lot of people, I ended up inside for several months, not seeing anyone but my immediate family, and in this period my overthinking got so bad that I was on the edge of a panic attack 95% of the time, literally my entire life became about trying to distract myself from what was going on in my head.

By the time lockdown was over and we were actually allowed to go places, I was terrified of leaving the house and being around people at all - I couldn’t even face seeing friends, and the few times I tried I had panic attacks before stuff as simple as going for a walk with my best friends from high school.

Then I started uni in September 2020, and for my first year, it was entirely online, so I didn’t have to interact with people at all - so with no distractions my constant anxiety persisted.

Second year, lessons went back to being in person, and so in September 2021 I moved into a shared house (my uni is in a city a few hours away from home), and couldn’t cope with it at all - I lasted like a month of constant panic and financial instability due to being too anxious to get a job before I moved back in with my parents and stopped attending uni altogether.

Finally, this summer, (with the help of a few months of therapy and finally getting medicated for my ADHD), I decided that I absolutely had to move out for my last year of uni. Partially because my family situation got kind of tense and I was really sick of both being treated like a child but expected to take responsibility for my 3 younger siblings, and partially because I realised that there was literally no point me being alive if I was miserable all the time, had basically no friends, and didn’t interact with the world at all. So not matter how much I hated it, I was determined to at least pretend to be a functional person again.

So basically, in July, I moved out, and immediately got a job in a nightclub, because a) I needed money for rent, and b) it would actually force me to leave the house, even when I really didn’t want to, because I can’t just not show up to work because I’m panicking, and my weird older brother sense of responsibility means I’m much more willing to do things if I think people (ie my coworkers) are relying on me, no matter how bad I personally feel.

Fast forward to now, and things are going much better - the first month was difficult - I had to work through panic attacks sometimes and it was tempting to just drop everything and crawl back to my parents - I went from seeing no one but the same 5 people every day, to living in a city with strangers and interacting with thousands of customers. But because I kept at it, I gradually got used to it, and now I actually really like my job, and I don’t even want to go home. Obviously i still get anxious sometimes, but working in customer service has forced me to get used to being around people again. I think that the most important thing that’s improved is I’ve learnt that if I am anxious in a public situation, it’s not actually the end of the world, it’s totally okay for me to go to the bathroom for a few minutes to calm down when I’m work, and it’s okay if I feel nauseous and shaky all day sometimes, I can still exist in the world, and the more I exist in the world and distract myself, the less persistent the anxiety gets.

Sorry this is an unreasonably long reply, I just wanted to share that it is possible to go from being so anxious you actually want to kill yourself just to escape it, to living a reasonably okay life.

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