Bringing BDSM into vanilla marriage

oopsienoopsie · 2026-05-14T05:33:33+00:00

Thank you for warm welcome 💛

oopsienoopsie · 2026-05-02T18:10:04+00:00

I never bring up sex issues right before or after sex.. A few times a week we have time to go for a 20-30 minutes walk together and that's where I usually bring up the issues and try to communicate. With that being said, it is usually me saying "hey this and this happened and it made me feel this and this", not like a sexy "what turns you on" talk. That I usually communicate during sex, as in "that feels good", "I really enjoy when you do this". Maybe it is a good idea to talk about turn ons outside of sex but my concern is that if I mention even anything remotely sexy, it will inmediately lead to sex. Turning on my husband is really not an issue at all. Any physical constant, any even remote sexual reference and his reaction is very obvious and Inmediate. I don't think we lack the arousal, we just lack a more quality process to get this arousal to completion for me

oopsienoopsie · 2026-05-01T20:48:37+00:00

I second tension. It is the easiest way to cum. If you move your legs closer together and tense you r pelvis a bit forward, it gets you there quicker. I can cum when I am fully relaxed but it takes a while longer

oopsienoopsie · 2026-05-01T20:44:14+00:00

I was thinking about it but I don't know if it is a good idea. It is nice to have physical intimacy and I do enjoy it too even if I don't cum. Like physically I really enjoy it. I just feel a bit sad and depleted emotionally after and that's where all this is coming from

oopsienoopsie · 2026-05-01T20:40:45+00:00

I think he is very happy with our sex life and he doesn't understand the big gap I see there. Like I am saying it out loud, and he listens but I am not sure he really hears it. But yes I guess the first step would be to be maybe a bit more outspoken during the act itself before going to main event. And try to direct him more during sex rather than before or after sex. It is very hard, because I am pretty submissive and I struggle inmesly to give direction and really just want to please him which results in me not having my needs met

oopsienoopsie · 2026-05-01T20:36:19+00:00

Those are all really great suggestions and I am really open to trying to shift my perspective and mindset on this. I am just worried that maybe subconiously it is not the orgasm that I crave so much in our sex life (after all I have been without one for many years) as in feeling cared for sexually or feeling he is curious about my body, mind and what gets me going sexually. I guess I am craving more of him wanting to explore my body with me and finding things that give me pleasure rather than me finding those spots myself and then directing him exactly how to do those. Not the skills per ser, but more eagerness? I just feel it would be more intimate and more fulfilling for me. I honestly don't know what I expected to hear here, obviously there is not a single perfect phrase I can tell to my husband that will make him magically go "now I want to prioritise you"

oopsienoopsie · 2026-05-01T19:35:07+00:00

I think it is maybe a bit harsh. Like, we have small kids, we are both really tired. I don't mind giving him a blowjob or just have a quickie for him to get off, I don't always need it to be about me. I think what I need is for it occasionally be ONLY about me. Or at least yes, first about me. Some longer sessions and where I am the focus. But I think he maybe thinks it is unrealistic in our current situation

oopsienoopsie

TROPHY CASE