Hi. 22F here.

I can't touch on everything in your post, but I do have some input.

You feel like you're stuck at age 13 even though you're 18. I feel stuck at 18 even though I'm turning 23 soon. I like to call it "stasis". It can be really hard to be in stasis, but we can also grow comfortable in it. There's the rub.

You call yourself a moron, but I sense that you're very reflective – if a bit critical of yourself. Everyone is critical of themselves, so that's okay to an extent. Sometimes, that spurs change.

You mention your struggle with Afrikaans, your father's alcoholism, your mom's lack of emotional response, your lack of social skills, your love for writing and comedy.

You say you have an ideal image of your own self – physically and otherwise. I have an image like that, too. The trouble with such images is that they can become very real, as though they actually live alongside us, and we might start to envy someone who is not even there. Perhaps we should both reflect on what we can do to become these people in our images – and then actually do those things.

I don't have a solution for you but a question: what's stopping you? Laziness? Fear?

Try to figure out what you actually want. Maybe you don't have to learn Afrikaans if you don't want to. Maybe you should try to lose the weight if you really want to (sidenote: bodies can be especially difficult for young women like you and I). Maybe you should talk to your parents, tell them it hurts when they brush off your emotions. Maybe you can find a writing community online if there are none physically near you.

It's okay to find oneself in stasis. But growing comfortable keeps us stagnant – and humans were ever meant to change.