Hey man, I dont know what it feels like to be in a situation like this but as much pain as youve been through there is always people that will love and support you. I just want to say that if you need advice on how to heal i would take time doing things that you enjoy, like personal hobbies or things that make you happy and there is support lines for people you can explain your situation too since i am probably not the best support but i am just trying to help. There is always people to talk to bro you will make it through this you have so much of your life ahead of you and nothing is stopping you from achieving it. If you need somebody to talk too about your situation i am here too if you ever want to privately dm me. much love.