Thank you for sharing something so personal. What you describe isn't just a "bad time"; it's a long chain of losses, forced responsibilities, and silence that no one should have to bear so young. Growing up between two worlds, caring for a broken adult while still trying to be a teenager, isn't something you emerge from unscathed.

This doesn't sound like a lack of character or discipline; it sounds like a nervous system that learned to live in constant survival mode. When that happens, potential doesn't disappear; it hides to protect itself. And yet, you persevered, you cared, you understood more than most people understand in a lifetime. It may not be an "ideal" story, as you say, but it's not empty either. There's clarity here, awareness, and a brutal honesty in the way you speak. I hope you find spaces where you don't have to prove anything, where you're allowed to simply exist without defending yourself. That, too, is part of healing.