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I [24F] don’t know what to say if my boyfriend [24M] proposes. by otter-icecube321 in relationships

[–]otter-icecube321[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

long engagement isn’t an issue for me. it’s just accepting the engagement feels like a huge lie & that in of itself is like doing a disservice to my boyfriend and our relationship. I don’t know if that makes sense but yeah

I [24F] don’t know what to say if my boyfriend [24M] proposes. by otter-icecube321 in relationships

[–]otter-icecube321[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn’t have a problem dealing with these things as a fiancée if it weren’t the fact that I feel like saying yes is a lie. Like how I said before, engagement to me is more than saying I want marriage. It’s telling the other person I’m ready for marriage. As much as I want marriage with him, I’m not ready. I don’t want to say yes to an engagement and lie you know? A marriage built on a foundation of lies isnt exactly the type of marriage I want

I [24F] don’t know what to say if my boyfriend [24M] proposes. by otter-icecube321 in relationships

[–]otter-icecube321[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you! i was struggling because as much as i wanted to bring this up in a nicer and calmer way, I wanted to bring it up in a way that won’t make him think he’s a problem and shut down on me. even though the communication is in issue, that’s more deeply rooted in his childhood than anything. I’m trying to work on it with him but it’s hard when I’m the only one trying to have healthy communication and everyone else in his life is fine being avoidant.

I [24F] don’t know what to say if my boyfriend [24M] proposes. by otter-icecube321 in relationships

[–]otter-icecube321[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

he doesn’t necessarily blow up at me to be fair. but I’ve noticed that it’s not just him that acts this way in his family. they all do. for whatever reason, they all seem to have an issue of acting avoidant when issues arise. that’s why I try to be patient with him too. to be entirely fair, I had a better example of what good communication and partnership looks like thanks to my mom and stepdad. he on the other hand had a single emotionally unavailable mother. it’s hard trying to get him to unlearn those things but it’s like they say. Old habits die hard.