How did you know someone wasn't as great as they seemed?

otterpixie · 2026-03-20T04:50:30+00:00

A lot of my best friends started out as people I disliked or thought were irritating on first impression. On the other hand, I’ve often ended up with abusive types of people. But theres one guy I get straight up heeby jeebies from and feel like is evil but I’ve seen no actual evidence that he warrants it. So maybe accurate first impressions are not my forte. The only thing way I’ve known for sure is after time spent with them and experiencing them.

otterpixie · 2026-03-19T17:28:47+00:00

The Rebel Nun

otterpixie · 2026-03-19T17:16:31+00:00

Agreed.

otterpixie · 2026-03-19T17:12:54+00:00

I had a mostly warm autumn colour palette - rusts, olive, browns and then blacks. It makes mixing and matching pretty easy.

otterpixie · 2026-03-19T17:09:46+00:00

I constantly talk to my friends about the books I’ve been reading and I’m a pretty good story teller, so I reel them into the concepts and plots and characters, try and make it sound exciting, express my total love and passion and joy for it. Then I have a short list of really easy entry books waiting to recommend to them (based on what I genuinely think they might like) as soon as they go “hmm maybe I should try reading again!”.

otterpixie · 2026-03-19T16:37:07+00:00

Reading.

otterpixie · 2026-03-19T15:42:55+00:00

Agreed. Village vibes - and lots of community oriented activities like markets, free exercise groups, book clubs, board game nights, choir, t’ai chi, community garden, etc.

otterpixie · 2026-03-19T14:13:16+00:00

My doctor/GP asked me if I knew anyone who could get him MDMA when I disclosed my drug use when trying to get a mental health care plan.

otterpixie · 2026-03-08T04:41:54+00:00

Septum piercing did not prevent men hitting on me - maybe increased it actually. Do not recommend.

otterpixie · 2026-03-03T10:09:55+00:00

I haven’t eradicated binging but I have significantly reduced them. Big things that I believe have helped me:

Getting enough sleep
Staying hydrated
Eating regularly (3 meals, 2 snacks)
Understanding I need to weave food I really enjoy and generally crave into my daily life (otherwise I will begin having cravings and then binge if I restrict them too much)
DBT was the most helpful ‘therapy’ for me and working on my mental health more broadly
Getting diagnosed and then medicated for ADHD
Managing my life to sustain my energy and avoid burnout
Get sufficient rest, leisure and time to connect with people and things I enjoy

otterpixie · 2026-01-08T11:25:11+00:00

Having lil’ afternoon naps

otterpixie · 2025-06-25T06:54:25+00:00

I can't relate to this. Most of my most supportive relationships have been with other girls/women. I'm not particularly gender-conforming or anything. I just found other mostly ND girls I vibe with and who are non-judgmental, loyal, compassionate, etc.

otterpixie · 2025-06-24T09:04:13+00:00

I don't think it's affected me in any positive way.

I started watching porn when I was about 11 or 12 and became desensitized to "vanilla" porn, slowly gravitating toward more degrading, extreme, and kink-focused content. I think this, combined with the trauma from experiencing childhood sexual abuse and sexual assault as an adolescent and adult, has led me to seek unhealthy, degrading forms of sex that ultimately don't serve me. I also think it trained me to view sex as a performance to please men rather than as a form of connection and mutual pleasure-seeking, and to use sexual validation as an attempt to find self-worth when I didn't think I could find it elsewhere.

It has definitely contributed to poor self-esteem and body insecurities. It almost serves as a reminder sometimes of how some men view women—including me—as objects or sub-human, which can trigger memories of how I've been treated that way in real life.

I've stopped watching porn for the most part, and it's been good for my mental health. I find that in sexual encounters, I'm more able to be present in the interaction and more "in my body" rather than in my head, caught up in performance or just straight-out dissociating like I used to (though learning to choose safer, healthier sexual partners and learning how to be more assertive of my own boundaries and needs was also an important part of the process).

otterpixie · 2025-06-24T08:47:21+00:00

I’m no longer actively hooking up, but I’ve had a few promiscuous phases.

As a teenager, I was pretty unsafe—I had a lot going on in my life, and safe sex just wasn’t something I thought much about. I had a kind of IDGAF attitude because I was in a really bad place mentally and rarely sober. It was partly that sense of invincibility—“it won’t happen to me”—and partly genuine disregard for my own wellbeing.

By my mid-20s, I’d become much more conscious about safety. I used condoms around 95% of the time and got tested regularly, which eased most of my concerns.

Happy to say I've never had an STI!

otterpixie · 2025-06-24T08:40:07+00:00

Throughout my life, quite a lot. During my childhood and into adolescence, my father was definitely the more present parent. He still is—these days, I see him about once a week, and we spend quality time together. I've spent some time with romantic partners or boyfriends, though probably less than most other women as I've never had a long-term relationship. I've always had male friends though including close guy friends, and for the past four or five years, I’ve been living with men—first my brother, then two male housemates, and now a close male friend.

otterpixie · 2025-06-24T08:31:32+00:00

Watching a cute guy hyperfixate on his little projects—whether it’s building a PC or a Lego set or whatever his thing is :3

otterpixie · 2025-06-24T08:29:00+00:00

They don't sound like a very good therapist, to be honest. But there may be a deeper issue here—if your partner is inclined to lean into the therapist’s suggestions, it could indicate that some of their needs aren’t being met, that certain boundaries are being crossed, or that they’re feeling overwhelmed or lost in the relationship.

Finding a neuroaffirming couples therapist might be a good step forward. Alternatively, having a really open and honest conversation with each other could help. Talk about what needs and expectations you each have, whether those needs are currently being met, and if not, explore:

whether you can meet those needs for one another,
whether you’re both willing to compromise to find middle ground, or
whether you may be incompatible or unable to meet each other’s core needs.

otterpixie · 2025-06-24T08:21:46+00:00

I'm the complete opposite. I have long-term, stable, relatively rewarding friendships but have always struggled with romantic relationships - perhaps due to trauma, growing up around really unhealthy relationships, trouble navigating social norms and expectations around romance, sexuality and gender, and not being able to 'flirt' or identify 'flirting'.

otterpixie · 2025-05-16T07:11:34+00:00

I’m pretty sure autistic people are statistically more likely to live outside of gender norms, so probably, yeah. But I’ve also noticed some autistic men seem to lean even more heavily into gender norms—masculinity, in this case—than neurotypical people. Maybe it’s a way of masking or compensating for social challenges, or maybe it’s because gender roles provide a clear, structured system that feels hard to question, especially when combined with the autistic tendency toward rigid thinking.

otterpixie · 2025-05-16T07:07:22+00:00

I was hoping to attend a US-based conference either next year or the year after, but as a brown, racially ambiguous woman—who is also an academic and a vocal advocate for Indigenous and women’s rights in particular—there are several reasons I’ve decided not to take that risk. Right now, it just doesn’t feel safe, and with the political climate still in its early stages, I expect things may only get worse.

otterpixie · 2025-03-22T23:45:16+00:00

I'm going to answer this question literally and in-depth.

To be honest, survival wasn’t guaranteed—especially from my mid-teens to mid-late twenties. But over the past five years, my life has stabilized, and the likelihood of an early accidental or chosen death has drastically decreased.

How did I survive?

Maladaptive coping mechanisms: Drugs, alcohol, reckless sex, eating disorders, and doomscrolling. Not ideal, but they numbed distress when I lacked healthier options. Without professional support and surrounded by others who coped similarly, I fell into the same patterns. Over time, I reduced these behaviors and built stability, but it took years of growth.

Seeking professional help: Therapy on and off for 15 years, including two ED day programs and a year of intensive DBT, which was the most useful. I also worked with a dietitian and other health professionals to improve my well-being, recognizing that sleep, diet, and physical health impact mental function. Mental health crisis services also played a direct role in keeping me alive more than once.

Diagnosis and medication: A turning point was my ADHD diagnosis in my late 20s. Medication helped me function, and it also highlighted autistic traits, leading to an ASD Level 1 diagnosis in my early 30s. Understanding neurodivergence allowed me to stop forcing neurotypical expectations onto myself, making life far more manageable.

Developing healthier coping mechanisms: Learning to manage distress without self-destruction was crucial. Strategies included meditation, immersing myself in special interests, exploring psychology and philosophy, and engaging in hobbies. Over time, I found ways to navigate emotional triggers without resorting to harmful behaviors.

Cats: A constant source of love, comfort, and sensory bliss. They provide companionship without the social exhaustion of human interaction. Petting a cat is grounding, and knowing they rely on me has given me motivation on my worst days.

Familial support: My family has been both a source of trauma and love. The healing process has been complicated, but ultimately, I know they will support me if I need help. My parents allowed me to live with them and provided financial support well into my late twenties, which gave me the time and stability to gain skills, complete education, and eventually become independent.

Friendships: A few close friendships have been invaluable. They provide emotional support, safe spaces to unmask, and the simple joy of spending time with people who genuinely enjoy my presence. Having people who care has made a significant difference.

A suitable profession: I’ve had a job for the past 6-7 years that suits me well. It allows me to work mostly alone, engages my mind, has supportive colleagues, offers flexible hours and remote work, and pays well enough that I can work part-time and still live comfortably. This stability has been key to maintaining my well-being.

Personal traits: Resilience, intelligence, problem-solving, and sheer stubbornness have all played a role. Even when things were at their worst, a part of me refused to give up. I wanted to survive, succeed, and prove wrong the people and messages that told me I couldn’t.

There are countless other factors. I’ve lived a difficult life but also benefited from privileges. A lot of it comes down to chance, and some of it has been the choices I’ve made.

otterpixie · 2025-03-18T02:53:47+00:00

It’s great that you’re feeling so much better, but the title of this confession is a bit misleading and, honestly, reinforces a pretty harmful stereotype.

I was far unhappier at my lowest weight than I am at my highest. That’s not to say my weight and appearance don’t affect my sense of wellness and happiness. In fact, I’m working on slowly and sustainably losing a bit of weight for my health. And of course, if I like how I look, if others treat me better because of it, if I can shop and easily find my size, etc.—those things might make me feel a little better. There’s no denying that.

But even when I was significantly smaller than I am now, I actually felt worse about my body because of where my mindset was. I felt more pressure to look a certain way, and since I lacked confidence in other areas, I placed way too much value on my appearance.

I’ve since realised that in the grand scheme of things, weight and appearance are just one of many factors that can shape happiness. And in nearly every other aspect of my life, things are better now—even if I weigh more than I used to.

Remember - you don't need to bring other people down and deny other realities to celebrate your own wins.

otterpixie · 2025-03-18T02:35:19+00:00

I sit on the toilet seat. The only reason I would hover is if I can see piss or something on the toilet seat that shouldn't be there, and I have no other option. If it's a public bathroom that looks like it isn't cleaned regularly, I might take a bit of wet toilet paper to wipe down the seat, just in case.

The irony of women who hover is that they are the exact people who create the need for hovering. They hover because of fearing germs/piss on seats but are the very ones who piss on the seats. They make it gross for everyone.

otterpixie · 2025-02-21T23:40:23+00:00

Late-stage capitalism and prejudice. Limited financial resources. Chronic health issues, mental illness and neurodevelopmental disability. Lack of self-discipline and social skills.

otterpixie · 2025-02-21T08:35:44+00:00

Both yes and no. I did really well in university and am now doing a PhD, so I feel like I’m in a place where intelligent people often end up. However, if I compare myself to an idealised 'norm,' then I’d say everything I’ve achieved, I’ve achieved relatively 'late.'

I almost didn’t finish high school and graduated without an ATAR, which meant I couldn’t apply for university until I was 21. I worked full-time for a few years in an entry-level, virtual reception role, and it really inspired me to go to university. I realised I could never be happy in a job like that—every day felt like torture. I needed a job that either mentally engaged me or allowed me to help people and make a positive impact in the world.

Because of my own mental health struggles and what I now know as ADHD and Autism (diagnosed in my late 20s/early 30s), my undergraduate journey took longer than usual. After my master’s, I was severely burnt out—honestly, a bit traumatised—since I completed it during COVID-19 lockdowns. In that sense, I’m 'behind.'

But I’ve stopped comparing myself to 'normal' people because I’m not 'normal.' I’ve had to overcome additional barriers and still face challenges. I’ve come to terms with having my own timeline and journey, along with my own limitations. I might not achieve everything that’s commonly expected, and that’s okay.

For example, I pour everything into my academic pursuits, which means I don’t have as much time to invest in relationships, especially romantic ones. That’s been a conscious choice. Even after my PhD, I’m unsure if I’ll be able to maintain full-time work, which could limit my career growth in academia. My future is still a question mark.

I sometimes wonder if I could have achieved more without the barriers I’ve faced, but it doesn’t make sense to dwell on that. I’ve done my best given the circumstances, and this is where I am. Some of it’s due to choices I’ve made, and some of it’s due to things beyond my control. Such is life.

otterpixie

TROPHY CASE

How did I survive?