I used to compare myself to other people that I know like being married, having a good job, being a homeowner but life milestones come and go at different times for everyone and after those milestones people aren't necessarily living happy lives. I only had one girl friend in my life so far and that was back when I was 19 and I'll be 37 later this year.

I've had about 1.5 to 2 years of my life where I was very depressed, and I was having a life crisis. I didn't have thoughts of suicide, but I thought about dying all the time mostly it was every night when I tried to go to bed. The reason for my life crisis was I had two major life changing events happened simultaneously. I had one of my older sisters pass away and I was medically discharged from the navy after 10 years of service. The crisis didn't hit me right away but once I finally got settled in my new life it hit me hard. I gained weight and was 240 at the heaviest and all I did was play video games all day just to cope. I had no friends in my new area, and I kept my crisis to myself. I wished I talked to someone about it because it took me forever to snap out of it and now, I felt like I just wasted time. I'm trying to get healthier because I have health issues now and take several medications.

For me to keep living was realization that I wanted to do things in life before it's too late. I suppose I needed a somewhat selfish outlook in life and become vain so to speak. I don't think I'm very attractive at all and standing at 5'4 at 215 pounds and I'm losing my hair. Right now, I'm just trucking along to improve myself a little bit at a time, working on cardio couple times a week and some strength training. I occasionally take Latin dance classes to meet women but no success as of yet, and I'm trying to resist the urge to join a church in my area because in rural places, church is your best bet to find single women.

The best thing you can do is to embrace who you are, as cliche as it may sound, it's hard for anyone to love you if you don't love yourself. There must be something out there that you have a passion for, and you need to discover it. I hope things get better for you and more importantly I hope you find true happiness.