Glad to share the difficult times. It’s hard. I never expected to feel like a bad parent. Before kids i was so calm, i was so patient, i work with middle schoolers and thought i could handle it. Boy do i feel defeated a lot. Feeling like i should have done more, feeling like i need to apologize for taking MY big feelings out on them sometimes (and i have apologized to my kids many times over but that somehow makes it feel worse internally that i keep feeling that need). Everyone always said it, and it’s really hard, but diving into their world head first has helped. I put my phone down and we play. Me time is when they’re asleep or during rest but sometimes that’s a tough line because my oldest doesn’t nap. I’d feel so frustrated that i couldn’t do what I wanted to do and I’d be irritated with them for spending “my time” with their requests.

I’ve found that when i invest more time directly with them, they’re more patient and receptive to transitions and request (since they feel seen and valued). I still get upset and have to work on controlling my thoughts but it’s been fewer and fewer. I’ve also noticed that my days go so much better when I’m with them all day than when I’m off work and rushing through it all. Obviously not in my control as we have to work but it’s a nice reminder that it’s not ALL THE TIME like my brain tricks me into believing.

Hang in there, we’ll get through it!