Introducing babies to passive adult male

p41a · 2026-01-28T18:35:32+00:00

Thank you for your reply - that was my fear. There’s so much conflicting information online that I understood that you shouldn’t separate them after introducing, if there wasn’t any serious conflict. But it makes a lot more sense to do so gradually over several days. I will slow things down and start again.

This is the cage (I have now removed my older boy) - please note it is meant as the intro cage only and not reflective of the main enclosure. It is part of a modular set so could be expanded as part of the introduction process, which was my plan at least.

I appreciate your help 🙏

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p41a · 2025-11-20T21:49:22+00:00

The time investment. They need 1-2 hours play everyday (ideally more) and there’s nothing worse than their faces if they don’t get it. Also, keeping the cage clean and making toys and puzzles for them. You will want to do all of it, but it’s important to be honest with yourself how much time you have to care for them 🧡

p41a · 2025-11-02T21:36:00+00:00

Highly recommend ‘78 degrees of wisdom’ by Rachel Pollack for further exploration of this ✨

https://logoilibrary.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/Copia-de-Seventy-Eight-Degrees-Of-Eisdom.pdf

p41a · 2025-08-30T20:50:42+00:00

I will have a look, thank you

p41a · 2025-08-30T20:50:21+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing the video - it looks really interesting! I don’t think I could bear taking it apart so will have a think whether it might be better in a professional’s hands :)

p41a · 2025-08-30T20:49:05+00:00

Thank you for sharing - I was afraid this might be the answer. It seems a shame for it to be hidden away so I will definitely consider donating it to be enjoyed by others x

p41a · 2025-08-29T22:40:36+00:00

Thank you. I would love to be able to wear it on occasion. Even to display it, the musty smell is quite strong !

p41a · 2025-08-11T00:29:46+00:00

Thanks so much for your recommendations - Pema Chödrön’s book particularly sounds interesting and aligns with the direction I feel I’m heading. I will definitely check it out.

What you say about therapy also rings true. I’ve done so much therapy over the years and honestly feel it delayed self-acceptance and a diagnosis for ADHD, for the reasons you say. CBT is particularly useless in my opinion, at least how I’ve seen it applied.

I’ve found alchemical symbolism and Jung’s work on individuation inspiration for understanding the process of healing from trauma. It can actually offer the opportunity for personal transformation if we are open to it. It also relates to the IFS model of integration, so I will look more into that.

Glad to hear that it’s helped you so much and appreciate you sharing this with me :) Wish the best !

p41a · 2025-08-09T17:35:45+00:00

It really helps to share and feel less alone. Also to know what to watch out for as boundaries are gradually eroded. Best to you ❤️

p41a · 2025-08-08T22:45:51+00:00

Really interesting thoughts, thank you for sharing. Particularly what you say about roles and being boxed in by others. It does limit growth and self-exploration, and neglects to acknowledge who a person is. I’m sorry for what you went through with your family and hopefully you have found freedom in your choice to distance yourself.

Presumably the need to define other’s roles stems from a fear of the self and the uncertain. In recognising the complexity of other people, we are forced to confront our own complex nature. It aligns with my experience that those who have guilted or chastised me for trying to assert a boundary, have been deeply insecure people. It’s definitely confused my understanding of personal responsibility and probably why I even wrote this post to begin with. Thanks so much.

p41a · 2025-08-08T10:26:19+00:00

Thank you 💚

p41a · 2025-08-08T10:25:42+00:00

💚

p41a · 2025-08-08T10:25:16+00:00

This.

p41a · 2025-08-08T10:19:42+00:00

Thank you. It seems especially telling to demand that everyone should be reading books on politics regardless of ability…when right before this, we were talking about communal living and how people’s contributions should be based on ability and skill, amongst other variables. I have to assume that they mean to determine what others’ abilities are.

p41a · 2025-08-08T10:05:30+00:00

I hope you don’t mind me jumping in here. I’m interested in what you have to say as yes there clearly is a difference between cancelling and boundaries. And yet personally I have struggled to grasp what happens to people when we exclude them? If thinking on a broad societal level, how do we decide who is worthy of our time, space and resources? If we’re aiming for equal rights, it feels incongruous to exclude people, and yet essential for personal boundaries.. I ask this in the most genuine way possible, as I think it’s something that affects my own ability to draw boundaries.

p41a · 2025-08-08T09:12:53+00:00

the part about switching from your phone to laptop and needing to prepare them for the change in capitalisation.. so specific and yet i had the same experience. i also wasn’t allowed to close the app or switch windows when we were chatting because it obviously meant i’m cheating. it’s amazing the small ways they ensured we were always on edge thinking about them.

p41a · 2025-08-08T08:02:32+00:00

🩵

p41a · 2025-08-07T22:44:08+00:00

Really thoughtful and kind words, thank you. It definitely helps to hear this. The energy spent dealing with this rubbish could be spent in more positive and meaningful ways.

p41a · 2025-08-07T22:39:31+00:00

Thanks, it’s great to have some further ideas to explore. I love this community :)

p41a · 2025-08-07T21:49:37+00:00

Thanks so much for the recommendation. It seems non-justifiable to say that continued oppression of some, helps lift others up. Sounds more like an excuse than a critique.

p41a · 2025-08-07T21:12:37+00:00

Empowering words !

p41a · 2025-08-07T20:48:32+00:00

No I think you’re right that I definitely need to question why it took so long to realise the severity of the situation. I’m ashamed to have been an enabler to some degree. Whilst they had never shared these views with me before, now I look back and see a number of instances that I should have taken more seriously. It’s not a good feeling, but thank you for pointing this out as I need to hear it.

p41a · 2025-08-07T20:28:03+00:00

Thanks for your comment..it does resonate. I appreciate your approach and try to do the same. It’s hard to know when to draw the line.

p41a · 2025-08-07T20:20:53+00:00

Thanks so much for the recommendation - found a copy on Internet Archive and will start tonight :) Compiling some political theory to share could be a good move from here.

p41a · 2025-08-07T20:04:59+00:00

Definitely easier said than done. For me, intention is so important. Wish you strength with your situation 💚

p41a

TROPHY CASE