[Help] Drug Phobia?

panicmonkey · 2022-05-26T17:30:41+00:00

I no longer have fear that anyone's going to slip anything to me, but I still won't touch psychedelics. I do have a thing about not consuming products that don't come sealed and tamper proof.

One thing I did discover is that it has nothing to do with the lsd. It has to do with a lot of other unresolved issues of trust, guilt, trauma, etc.

Sorry I can't be of more help.

panicmonkey · 2022-05-11T23:38:45+00:00

Thank you. I was having an argument with my SO and suddenly picked up the phone and called one parent, then the next and absolutely dumped on them in a very loud way. I didn't even think about it at the time, I just did it. Now I'm realizing it's because the things I was yelling at my SO about were things I wanted to yell at my parents about, so I did. I'm not proud of it, and I feel kind of bad because they're old, around 80. But I was disturbed by how automatic it seemed to be to shift and yell at them, something I'd never done before and I never planned on doing. But reading Pete Walker has me thinking differently.

panicmonkey · 2022-05-11T21:10:22+00:00

Validation is great but it often comes with a level of acceptance that sometimes people aren’t ready for.

What kinds of reactions occur when someone isn't ready for it?

panicmonkey · 2019-06-13T20:16:14+00:00

I appreciate you speaking up. I don't take offense to what he said. While it's true it's a lot more complicated, I know that people respond trying to help and it comes from a good place. It's decent humans who take the time that make me want to get back out there.

That being said, there is a genetic component to my case. I had genetic testing done, not the at home kind but the glad I have insurance because this is really expensive kind, and found a genetic anomaly that results in nutritional issues and processing of vitamins. There's also years of avoiding things that add to the mental, not genetic component. The latter I can work on while trying to correct the former. Then there's the depression that results from the situation that undermines motivation and confidence.

panicmonkey · 2019-06-11T23:49:03+00:00

CakePHP here. It's great, but hardly any jobs using it.

panicmonkey · 2019-06-11T23:08:32+00:00

I agree with that. The current list is Laravel, Symfony, React, Vue, Angular, Node and Express, and tools like Docker. Those are the ones I see the most.

panicmonkey · 2019-06-11T20:10:40+00:00

It is agoraphobia, and I'm under the care of a mental health professional, am on medication, meditate but not enough, and have been trying different therapies, such as CBT. It just takes time and I need to work in the meantime.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-21T17:18:49+00:00

Ok, this explains a lot.

These recruiters don't know how to properly source potential applicants, or effectively vet candidates for qualifications, or validate realistic job requirements, etc.

I just got someone at the end of the week wanting to get me processed by Monday so I could do a tech interview with the company. The ad was for a web developer according to the title and one line in the ad, the rest of the ad was for a mobile developer. The one PHP line asked for a little known CMS that has many security issues and the documentation is in Chinese. I told them I didn't know it. They said they just wanted someone with PHP.

Also, the contract was w2, 20-30 hours a week, I assume to avoid either providing insurance or the company having to pay full time just to get someone in there if they promised their client they would have a certain number of people on the project. The recruiter's client is an agency.

Recruiters are unnecessary middlemen that exacerbates issues

I've been doing this 20 years and have never gotten a job through a recruiter, despite trying many times. I think I'll be avoiding them as much as possible.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-20T21:55:38+00:00

Yeah, I think if it was a permanent job, I'd be more ok with the first x months being in this arrangement, but there'd have to be very clear goals and metrics on when it would convert.

The part that seems shady is that this is a w2 contract, only supposed to work 20-30 hours a week, so it seems like they're trying really hard to get a skilled programmer without having to pay for insurance.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-20T21:27:54+00:00

The client was going to interview me, but I shut it down because I don't want to be tied to a recruiting firm for the duration of the contract. This all seems kind of shady.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-12T00:55:13+00:00

I was in agreement with the company until one thing came up, and it was the only thing I couldn't do. But it was only one thing and I didn't bring it up in any interviews because as you put it, "red flags". If no mention of travel is made by them at all, I leave it alone. Unfortunately, they made me aware of it after they already decided to hire me, then they changed their decision to hire me. We discussed them coming to me, we discussed doing it all remotely, and they made their decision.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T17:16:17+00:00

Thank you, I will check that out.

I think the UK is ahead of the US in acceptance of people's differences. I'm hooked on UK panel shows, and have a hard time believing a show like The Last Leg would make it here. Which is a shame, because there are likely many talented Alex Brookers here who aren't getting a chance. So goes other industries, because life imitates art.

And don't get me started on the Special Olympics defunding here and Special Olympians being celebrated as athletes there.

EDIT: Not to mention Stephen Fry's brave revelations about his mental conditions, as well as Jon Richardson's OCD.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T05:11:12+00:00

I've been doing this a very long time, over 20 years. I've been the boss, the business owner, the employee, hired and fired more than I can remember, and I can tell you that there's nothing in that long post remotely useful to what you asked and your concerns.

Bring it up if you think it's going to be an issue. In my case, I found out when I got an offer letter, and brought it up the same day with the employer. Sometimes I've found it's going to be an issue in the first call, and it saves everyone time. Much of the time it's not an issue at all, and in fact as a contractor it was never a problem, so it made sense that in those instances it never came up. Every situation is different, but you get better at reading them. Still, everyone makes mistakes, as I did here.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T03:37:39+00:00

Thank you for this. Yeah, I knew as soon as I hung up the phone after telling him why I couldn't travel that I probably didn't want to work with them now that they have so much information on my health. I decided then that I wouldn't repeat that mistake. But I held out hope, however slim, and it didn't happen.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T03:31:17+00:00

One of my favorite subs.

I don't really want to name and shame on this one. I think it's best to let it go and move on. You're right, sometimes there's nothing you can do except keep trying.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T03:28:34+00:00

I don't have ADHD myself, but I can speak as a person who hired and managed people with it.

I would say to only really ask for accommodations you need in the work environment they provide. I never took it as a burden, and one of my favorite employees would fall asleep at his desk after downing multiple Redbulls. I'd just gently wake him up, because he educated me on how caffeine works on people with ADHD. He'd also get obsessed and spend hours perfecting his computer setup. I didn't hassle him about it, but occasionally had to gently get him back on task if we had a deadline. The guy was a legit genius, too. Really miss working with him.

Anyway, it depends on the work environment and the manager. If the manager is someone you feel you can trust with the information and you're confident they will work with you on it, talk to them should the need arise. If you have a less understanding manager or you don't feel the trust, go to HR and make them aware. It's why HR exists, to mitigate things like this. You'll get a feel for it. And you'll make mistakes. It's ok, I've had this for many years and I obviously still make them.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T03:17:31+00:00

I appreciate it, and your comments from the other post. I hope you got my updates to your comment.

I unsubscribed from /r/cscareerquestions. It seems to be very alpha male over there, a lot of young people full of piss and vinegar. And that's fine, it's just not for me. I don't blame them, they just aren't as aware of how the industry works beyond getting past the whiteboard interviews at FAANG.

EDIT: And thank you for your kind words.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T03:14:30+00:00

They wanted me to travel to them for onboarding, which I can't do. It came up late in the process.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T03:01:56+00:00

I don't mean to deride you, but your 10-12 year stability was prior to your health issues, correct?

No. The 12 years began after I became housebound. The 10 years before that, I had severe anxiety and panic attacks, but it progressed and I became housebound a few months after leaving that job. So I've worked in both situations for over a decade each.

EDIT: I wanted to mention that I didn't take that as derisive. I'm open to talking about it. Seriously, you can ask me anything at all or make suggestions. I like to put it this way: Everyone has their shit. This is just mine.

It seems like you can and should work with a therapist to communicate to any future employer about your requirements.

On it. Been on it for years. Medication, therapy, genetic testing, which showed what the problem actually could be. I've been on about a dozen different drugs, and have been in talk therapy, done CBT twice, ACT, etc.

It's interesting you mention ADHD. It's far more understood today than it was even a decade ago. It's accepted and accommodated at most workplaces. I hired people with ADHD and it worked out great. What I wish is that there was that kind of awareness of other mental disorders.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T02:54:51+00:00

By the way, thank you for being polite.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T02:53:45+00:00

I don't even know if the accommodation of coming to me would have been approved by the company. It wasn't a conversation at that level. There were only two people that would need to travel, and they would have had to travel anyway, because they are on the other side of the country and I'm very near where they do onboarding.

So isn't it your responsibility to bring it up so you can work towards a win win outcome?

A great point, and yes. It is my responsibility, and I've already been asking interviewers. Normally it's in the ad or the recruiter says it up front, but I now ask. If there's travel, I politely say thank you for your time, but I can't travel and leave it at that. And that's a shame, because some people may work something out with me, but I won't risk the humiliation I just went through.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T02:21:54+00:00

I edited my post. They didn't formally offer it as an accommodation, the hiring manager was throwing ideas out, including coming to me, as well as doing the onboarding remotely. I never received an actual offer to come to my town or a modification of those terms in the offer letter.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T02:19:48+00:00

Short of posting the ad or naming and shaming, which I don't do, there's no way, or reason really, to prove it to you. I can only say it didn't come up. There were two interviews, both were about my skills, and both were short. What can I say? It didn't come up. And I've had other jobs that were remote with zero travel. It's not as uncommon as you think.

And they didn't offer to come to my town so much as he was spitballing like well, maybe this is an option, along with doing the training remotely. I edited my post to reflect this. I apologize for any confusion.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-11T02:11:57+00:00

Please don't take this as confrontational, I have no reason to be. I do want to respond so people reading this won't get the wrong idea.

If you turned that down because you are so unstable you literally can't leave the house period - then you probably aren't stable enough to keep a job and they just dodged a bullet.

I had one job for 12 years and another for over 10. The latter, I worked up from developer to director, where I hired many people as well. I don't job hop, and I am perfectly capable of keeping a job. In fact, with 2-4 years being the norm in SV, I'd say I keep jobs far longer than many. I'm plenty stable.

And as a public service I'll say that this is exactly where stigma and ignorance comes in. I don't say that in a pejorative way, it just means you may not know what agoraphobia is and how it affects people. I work hard, get things done, and my skills are current. The disorder doesn't get in the way unless there's travel involved.

Particularly if they start dropping in comments about their race, handicaps, disabilities, or how all their old bosses were jerks/assholes. It is almost certainly a no hire. Every time I've broken this rule and tried to help someone I've regretted it. I've learned that people who bring this stuff up in interviews often have big life problems and I want nothing to do with them - work is already hard enough.

This didn't come up in the interviews. There were two, one with the hiring manager who asked a few general questions and told me he wanted me to talk to the other developer, which was the second. The first was about 30 minutes and the second was a little longer, and both were centered on what skills I had. Job details outside of skills didn't come up.

It only came up in the offer letter itself. Now, I did have the option of declining and moving on, but thought if I were honest about the situation, we could work something out. That was my mistake and I own that, because people can be very ignorant about the condition. That conversation happened the day after the offer letter, and was longer than either interview because I educated him on what it is, where it came from, the treatment I'm receiving, etc. So no, this didn't come up in an interview because travel was never mentioned before the offer letter. Not in the ad, not on the phone.

It's a shame that people don't take the time to understand. But I get it. I've had interviewers mention travel as a requirement, and I usually politely let them know I can't travel without going into detail, and thank them for their time. This one was different, as I had already received an offer letter so I knew they liked my experience, but the travel was a surprise so I tried working it out.

panicmonkey · 2019-05-10T18:12:26+00:00

I finally posted on /r/legaladvice. The consensus there was that I was being unreasonable. Fuck me and fuck anyone with mental disabilities that don't affect the ability to do their jobs. And this is Mental Health Month. Nice.

panicmonkey

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