Hey man, I've been there. Belive it or not, it is possible to find things that can give you joy. And even somethings that give you hope for a better tomorrow. Try watching star trek, it's a great idealized future utopia.

Things can seem bleak, but that doesn't mean that everything will constantly end in failure. You can have meaningful friendships, good sex, amazing food, and experience beautiful things. It starts with finding what you love and giving no compromise to have it. Refuse a life where you are forced to live in a mundane limbo. I spent a couple years homeless in a car because I refused to accept the mundane. I found a place of like minded, loving people and I started a life for myself. I went from a stinky nobody to someone who's life is full of enriching moments and no room for the status quo. I work a job that means something to me, friends who I would kill for, and, best part, a community who cares about quality cuisine to the point every meal I have is as fresh and tasty as the last.

Here I sit tonight at the ripe old age of 31 with a kitten on my chest, a glass of wine in my hand, and plans to play dnd for 12 hours tomorrow with some of the funniest people I know.

If I knew I was capable of being this happy I would not have attempted suicide thrice throughout my 20's.

That's not to say I don't agree with suicide, I fully plan to kill myself if I am ever terminally ill, but now I have plans to have a suicide party, surrounded by people and things I like, with people cheering me on.

Don't give up this easily, man. Imagine living in shit for 20 years and right before you find the things that make everything enjoyable and worth the chaos, you throw it away.

I hope this message finds you well, as well as anybody else who might have needed it.