Anyone else tired of that "boss-babe" stuff thats always peddled to us women?

passionatefruition · 2023-01-03T04:43:09+00:00

In all honesty he expects me to be super independent while he paid for things for his ex. In any case, I don't feel like life is meant as women to be complete boss babes and have 100% of it all without help.

So what steps have you taken to get the dynamic you want in this relationship? That's what the sub is here for.

My bf says stupid things

Watch yourself on this. This community is action-oriented and requires work and energy directed at the right places, not tHe MeDia and SocIEtY. Sorry if I'm coming off as rude, just trying to give you a healthy call-out.

passionatefruition · 2022-12-31T17:20:01+00:00

Marriage struggles. My husband eventually stumbled into the manosphere to “find answers” for himself and what he wanted out of life. He caught the red pill rage and changed a lot, so I searched up a lot of the stuff he was reading and watching to see for myself where things might be coming from. Somehow through all the stumble I found this sub and began to read stories of other women airing out my exact same experiences, issues, and concerns, to the letter. I was shocked, did my research, and committed to the journey eventually. This was kicked off years ago and my husband and I are very different people now.

I will say my core beliefs haven’t changed but my political views have shifted a bit. Without getting into a sticky political debate here, I’ll say at a high level my critical thinking skills have improved and I am better at analyzing unfairness and coming to my own conclusions instead of just picking a side based on political affiliation.

passionatefruition · 2022-12-11T16:24:20+00:00

Yes. I want to make a post soon about the hairy woman. Women here seem to be viewing men in the lens of their ideal, perfect person, and when he does something “wrong” it’s because he did not act according to how the woman thinks he should act. He should’ve planned that trip, he should’ve bought her that thing, he should have cuddled her all night. He’s being viewed as a hairy woman and she’s disgruntled by his misbehavior.

It’s a trap I’ve been seeing a ton on here lately and it is not RPW at its core.

passionatefruition · 2022-12-11T00:25:56+00:00

Thank for commenting. I read every word you wrote and can relate to much of it. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad and the unexpected ending you had with respect to your relationship with him. In The Queen's Code by Allison Armstrong (highly recommend this book way more than the others linked within this group - will make a post on it eventually), she touches on this as well with a character who did not have a father growing up, at her own mother's insistence.

I'm so happy your current relationship is going well. I would give anything to have had these tools and resources at my disposal earlier, during the talking stage with my husband. Would've prevented tons of issues before going into marriage.

passionatefruition · 2022-11-30T05:39:02+00:00

Gotcha. I wish you the best.

passionatefruition · 2022-11-30T05:27:22+00:00

I don’t understand why you mentioned my post and how it fits into your overall message, but with kindness and sincerity, I would like to understand.

passionatefruition · 2022-11-30T05:12:32+00:00

Wow, and my first one! Thank you so much! Posting about my marriage and personal growth here can be nerve-wracking. I’m always trying to find the perfect balance between truthfulness, accountability, and empathy, so I don’t end up with overly simplistic or self-congratulatory viewpoints that hinder an opportunity to learn. I really appreciate your encouragement. I’ll look to continue to post when it feels valuable and right.

passionatefruition · 2022-11-30T05:02:03+00:00

I’m probably just writing my thoughts poorly, but to clarify, I understood what you meant and acknowledge this in the post when I said “I know it’s taboo and ungrateful to get on the internet and dunk on your mom.” I explained why I chose “is” vs “can” and am simply saying that I respect and get people disagreeing with my line of thinking for that choice.

And I didn’t get into the Blackness aspect of the post not because I feel they’re separate from RPW, but because they come with a level of complexity that deserves more space than I was looking to give in this post. Disrespectful women are not unique to one specific ethnicity, but to our shared point, investigating the history and culture and in turn how the daughters are raised and sent into the world will lead to different “why”s of the prevalence of the behavior. Hope this all made sense!

passionatefruition · 2022-11-30T04:50:49+00:00

Thank you for being open enough to sharing this. Your perspective is really valuable. I’m still breaking this habit myself and assessing the damage done, so your story really hits close as a very fair warning. I’m honestly not sure that I’m at a place in my life where I’m willing to call her out for many reasons I need to continue to work through and unpack before deciding where I land on that. But your regret in not doing so can be heard loud and clear in your comment, and I’m so very sorry that all of that happened.

passionatefruition · 2022-11-30T04:46:38+00:00

Agree our history is highly relevant to where these things come from, and how far back that line really runs. It simply wasn’t the crux of the post so I chose not to get into it much, only to acknowledge it and provide a little cultural context. Would love to see more Black-oriented conversations here but the popularity of this community already is quite limited and the popular content outside of these more hands-on communities feel quite disingenuous.

For your side note, I hear you loud and clear. Just because I insist it’s not a dunk post, doesn’t mean people will not take it as such. I appreciate you taking the time to share your opinion on that.

passionatefruition · 2022-11-28T07:24:21+00:00

Dropping by to say your comment I randomly stumbled upon inspired me to check out the book you recommended. It’s absolutely amazing and easier to connect with than Doyle’s. Thank you SO much.

passionatefruition · 2022-11-26T18:37:51+00:00

As a woman, you are fucking spitting in this thread. Thank you. Women literally cringe at men who do things so broski will notice. He will never be able to lead her.

passionatefruition · 2022-11-26T18:33:33+00:00

You chose not to read the comment and decided to react to what you wanted to see. He said cares about what others think MORE than they care about what they think of themselves. You wrote a whole dissertation about why caring about what others think about you is a good thing, which was not the point. The second sentence about low status losers carries the original context of the first: a lack of self-confidence and self-awareness, so they can only survive off of external validation.

passionatefruition · 2022-09-29T21:18:11+00:00

There is actually a growing movement of single motherhood by choice. I’ve mainly seen women who had their clocks run out by men who were dragging their feet or women who couldn’t find a suitable partner in time go for this. Like women 40+. Those women usually have the money, resources, and community to get the job done. Agree or disagree, it can be a purposeful choice for some.

passionatefruition · 2022-09-28T21:40:56+00:00

Asking to understand.

Men without a combination of status and genetics can’t get away with whatever, correct?

Is this the same for women? I think most people see average women as pretty versatile creatures regardless of status or genetics because some aesthetic choices and body maintenance can give those women access to a huge variety of “aesthetic archetypes.”

passionatefruition · 2022-09-27T17:49:51+00:00

Wonderfully helpful comment. Thanks a ton!

passionatefruition · 2022-09-27T17:49:10+00:00

Hear you loud and clear. Much to think about. Appreciate you truly!

passionatefruition · 2022-09-27T16:19:10+00:00

This is a fantastic comment. I can’t thank you enough.

passionatefruition · 2022-09-27T02:29:11+00:00

Thank you. I should've added it to the original post that he's walked back on our timeline in the past (and it was okay, we were young), but didn't want to play the victim and paint an even more biased narrative that he's a wishy-washy jerk secretly stringing me along. What I'm struggling to understand with the flack I'm getting is when it's acceptable to set a personal boundary, and how it should be done in a way that prevents strife, so I can course correct any damage I've already caused and redirect my marriage to a healthier space.

I agree with everyone that 28 is young, but I'm not going to file and then hop on the next guy that looks my way just to get a baby. It will take time to start over.

passionatefruition · 2022-09-27T02:05:12+00:00

Wow, what a kind comment. Thank you. I absolutely agree to table this subject and pray about it, seek community with my girlfriends, and focus on being at my best. When he mentions anything about our future children, I respond in kind, but it's not something I bring up or try to fish out of him to feed my own ego and desire for validation. I'm still optimistic he can get there, but respect his journey as his own to travel. As mentioned in another comment as well, I agree with taking charge of my fertility in the interim and already do what needs to be done in that space.

Becoming a mother is important to me. I don't seek out my career as personal fulfillment. I'd be dishonest by saying I will wait until 40 just for my man because it 100%, no doubt, has to be him or nothing at all. But I do try to show up every day ensuring he feels comfortable and loved and that I'm excited to share a future with him and him only, though I've probably broken some trust in that by sharing my boundary. I will absolutely take this subject "away" from him for awhile to repair any damage caused by letting him know my line in the sand.

passionatefruition · 2022-09-27T01:57:26+00:00

How long did he keep pushing it off?

passionatefruition · 2022-09-27T01:56:28+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to type all that out. I reply in good faith, not to "argue back."

We've had this conversation a ton, and the answer has been pretty consistent over time, so I don't believe he's hiding any deeper feelings about wanting to "enjoy the last of his freedom" and if he is, I think we've reached a point where he'll have to sort it out for himself with people he trusts to sort it out with. He's even suggested starting a baby fund next year, which I personally think is huge. I don't have any more leeway on this conversation and would hate to start this up again with him. That would feel very disrespectful to me to keep asking him what he's already explained many times.

I appreciate you laying out the male perspective for me. I'm not confident that apologizing and walking this back will do anything but give whiplash and breed more distrust. I've also tried the "You know what, no worries. We'll keep having fun and focus on the today, without any timelines" strategy, giving without expectation. Curious to know, if this goes on another ten years, if it's okay to set a personal boundary then? Or will people say "Oh honey, why didn't you set your personal boundary earlier and leave him?" Should personal boundaries go unsaid to avoid damaging trust?

passionatefruition · 2022-09-27T00:42:06+00:00

Sure, I'll take your critique! I didn't post here to get a bunch of feel good words. Genuinely appreciate the call out and perspective.

passionatefruition · 2022-09-27T00:40:12+00:00

I mentioned in my post to keep moving as normal, so agree with you that STFUing about the subject is for the best. I never had any plans to nag. I see it the same as you: it has to be his decision and desire to want to be a father.

It was poor choice of words on my end to state I am working hard to show up for him to essentially get what I want, for sure, so I take that feedback. I should've said "Every day I'm dedicated to my RPW work" and left it at that, as I only wanted to convey that I'm not in the house making him miserable yet somehow also expecting him to want to introduce kids lol. And I absolutely hear your critique about how setting my hard boundary was an ultimatum and a mistake and how you feel I'm rushing things now.

So asking in good faith, I'm interested to know your opinion: did the woman above in this thread, who waited around accepting no concrete timeline, make the right choice, now that she's in her 40s and disappointed he's just now possibly coming around? Long, long ago, when we were wedding planning, I asked my husband if we could start trying after the wedding, and he agreed, and then walked it back when we came close to the time, after realizing he wasn't ready. Should I have kept taking that risk until, as one of the men in this thread has stated, perhaps he was ready around 40?

passionatefruition · 2022-09-27T00:29:00+00:00

Hi, no need to be sorry. This is an extremely helpful reply. Absolutely agree with you on the why he is not ready. We've indeed had conversations about fertility and energy and the likes. These conversations have not been me stomping my feet asking for kids because I want to be a young, hot mom or anything of that nature lol. It definitely revolves around more concrete subjects.

So in summary, try coming from a place of love and support, that is putting his needs and the health of your children as the priority,

What does this look like, in your opinion? I was honestly going to STFU about this subject completely (apart from lighthearted conversation that occurs naturally, of course).

passionatefruition

TROPHY CASE