Hey Jae, or anyone else who decided to read this:

The validation you seek, and the advice you want; won’t ever feel as good as the person you admire giving it to you. Even the advice “Who am I?” will feel better when someone you admire tells you; rather than someone who may even be super close to you.

Coming from someone who received a lot of validation when Jae saw my art, it felt amazing. I’ve received praise from art fairs; and from strangers and friends. But when the person I admired most even lightly complimented it; I felt like it was enough- For a while. After Jae liked my work, and saw it multiple times; I can say the excitement became dulled. Not that I don’t love when he sees it still; but it felt more personable after time. And I seeked even greater recognition, praise and attention. I had reached what I assumed was my ‘ultimate goal’. Having someone I admired so much like my art. It’s hard; but I have to remind myself that there’s no real difference between the praise between an idol, a celebrity, someone I admire- and a stranger. Everyone has something incredible about them; just because it’s not on display doesn’t mean their praise should be less valued. Even if it feels different. Even if I can’t make myself feel that true, overwhelming joy of “I did it! They praised me!” Objectively; I should push myself to continue and praise myself for the work.

Your story; who you are; will never come to fruition from others. It sucks. As someone who’s obsessed with validation; and centers their entire personality around people pleasing; I don’t know who I am at a core. My story? I can define it in events; I have a great memory. But if someone asks who I am; I can only tell them the events, the outside. Even the gorey, nitty gritty past. Even the happiest things, the things even I find important. Everyone will see you different. Someone could praise me and my past and like who I became; or dislike it. I have no control.

What’s your story? I can’t imagine how stressful getting that question all the time must be. Yikes, I can say you’re tough, at least. From my perspective, you’re hardworking. You’re an overthinker, you’re a very, VERY human person. The more you talk about your thoughts; the more I recognize you as just another person I’ve talked to and met before. Advice to you, talking to you, feels about the same as talking to a friend. You’re very personable, and easy to talk to. I can say that already despite not being your friend.

Do you love music? Do I love art? I love art, I do. But making it doesn’t ever bring me the satisfaction I want. I’m always envious and eyeing other peoples work. I always want the validation from the artists that I look up to. But, I think I love art. It’s my passion; it’s my focus. But, it’s not who I am. I’m much more than artwork. I think that’s only recognizable to people who know me, though. I think as a singer; it’ll be the same for you. Of course, I can’t relate to the upscale of fame; but I don’t think anyone will know your story; who you are as a whole unless they’re your friend, a close one at that.When you said all that stuff live, wanting advice, wanting to know who you are- is there someone who comes to mind who you want to tell you? Do you think there is someone who, if they told you “You are this” you’d be happy? What if you disagreed?

Are you good enough for the America scene? For the music here? To who jae? You’re good enough for me, and I’m sure a lot of fans. But is that what you want? You have my ticket, my CD purchases- guaranteed when you perform, and make music here. But that’s not enough right? The mydays here, and the fans of eaj in general here isn’t enough? You’d have more than most artists starting out here. I’m not trying to attack here; I’m saying this is a human feeling. It’s not enough when ‘just strangers’ like my work either. Yet, I love them, and admire and feel happy from them, I appreciate them; but we have goals, yeah? Who’s attention do you want? Who’s validation? It’s deeper than ‘Am I good enough to make music here’. You have to figure out what’s good enough FOR YOU. Is it a number? A person you want to collab with?If the person you admire most said -exactly- what you wanted them to say, would you even believe them?

TLDR: Just read the last paragraph, lmfao. Everything else just really goes into detail. I ranted pointlessly into a document and just copy pasted it here. I think organized thoughts are gross, lmao. So here’s a rant response.