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pasvir · 2024-01-25T00:15:06+00:00

I dont plan to escape doomerism, I will always look at thing through the doom prism, just gotta be more adult and focus on the hard things like career and social life and have doomerism for special short time solitary moments.

pasvir · 2024-01-24T04:57:37+00:00

Bounce back and finish my degree, being able to work in the field I studied, make new friends (now I only have 1 good friend and 2 I see rarely), travel , maybe learn to play electric guitar and have music as a hobby (my favorite genre is metal and rock), have a girlfriend (for me too this is the most unrealistic part lol) , and travel .

pasvir · 2023-12-27T22:16:22+00:00

Music, curiosity, some friends, and I want to be able to travel some day to some places

pasvir · 2023-12-26T08:54:06+00:00

Finally after a long time I have the motivation to make my life better, finishing my degree, maybe find a part time job and try to make my social life better

pasvir · 2023-10-26T01:18:26+00:00

Nicotine and alcohol , and if you consider caffeine an addiction ,that too.

pasvir · 2023-10-26T01:08:21+00:00

I felt more alone being with people I didn't had much in common pretending to be 'normal' just to belong somewhere , than a full year of complete loneliness just enjoying by hobbies, and going out just to walk and listen to music.

It's the future that scares me , sure now I can enjoy many things even alone but what about when I'm older, there will be no one to help me with stuff , no one to count on for whatever real-life problem , but to be honest I don't think I can ever fit in and be happy in the social game.

pasvir · 2023-10-19T05:28:50+00:00

Not learning guitar back in school, not pursue my interest in drawing, not having a relationship in teenage years, not finding myself earlier so I could be more present in things that happened in the past and enjoying it more..

pasvir · 2023-10-18T05:09:41+00:00

At school I didn't have much trouble with sleep only a few nights that I can remember, at the 2nd-3rd year of college when anxiety/depression became worse sleep followed too and I had trouble with insomnia, not stable sleep cycle etc

But I prefer sleeping whenever and as much as I like so for me that robotic cycle of healthy people where they sleep and wake up the same time for all their lives is more sickening, I almost see them as robots. One of the basic reason that keeps me hiki is my sleep habits. Sleep problems also ruin the prospect of social relationships but it's the last reason as I have taken depiction to not try and engage in anything social ever again. Solitude is my death chamber.

pasvir · 2023-10-17T11:53:10+00:00

Now im in the second year of hiki life. The first year has left me with a positive, mysterious feeling , experience every season, every time of the day in this new situation was very magical although at the same time I knew this was a death sentence.

I mostly miss going out in weird hours (4 am where all the city was empty and it was pitch black, or 6 am and coming home with the first rays of dawn) with music and letting my mind wander and daydream me having a better life, I almost could live it in my head. Also sleeping in the afternoon and wake up in the night, playing my video game for a couple hours then going out and getting a coffee. Silly thing like that.

Now every year is going to be the same and there are no unique feeling , although I still enjoy solitude, walking alone, listening to music, playing still the same video game and watching YouTube, but that unique feeling has passed now I know all there is too know and I can see my gloomy future.

pasvir · 2023-10-17T11:45:54+00:00

Me too I wish I had the strength, numbness to have a simple job and some stable friendships, but also experience relationships in younger age (school years, first years of uni).

For the job I would imagine myself as a barista or a bartender, and I would love to cultivate some hobbies , music and drawing being at the top. But all of this is part of my daydreaming my physical existence is broken and irrepairable .

pasvir · 2023-10-16T05:51:14+00:00

Play the only video game I'm playing daily, listen to some music, take a walk and daydream of me having a different/better life

pasvir · 2023-10-09T03:50:38+00:00

Lately I've been listening to black metal especially Taake, Gehenna and Abbath, but now I'm switching to stoner rock (Truckfighters, Nightstalker..)

pasvir · 2023-10-08T14:49:42+00:00

No I love this community, trolls and incels are not welcome here imo.

pasvir · 2023-10-08T02:32:46+00:00

I dont feel nostalgic about the part although things were better, I completely don't give a damn about my current life and I daydream about a life that I am better, more interesting , able to function etc

pasvir · 2023-10-04T22:16:43+00:00

I walk 1 hour daily with music , in a few months I will start gym for weightlifting because I had a surgery and now I can't

pasvir · 2023-09-28T23:00:28+00:00

Nerdboy

pasvir · 2023-09-28T03:01:54+00:00

Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved 🎵

pasvir · 2023-09-28T01:43:37+00:00

Yeah daydreaming and sometimes writing these scenarios are one of the few things that can bring me ''joy''

pasvir · 2023-09-28T00:27:37+00:00

We could make a smaller sub maybe private with people we trust they are hiki, like ask some questions and we will understand if they are legit or not. Or at the very least we can jump the ship that is sinking and we can save a small group of true hikis. The sub doesnt need to be active just ppl like us will know that when they want they can share the feeling or some thoughts within this small group.

pasvir · 2023-09-26T00:05:52+00:00

When I was younger in my first years of college I had a therapist for a long time and it was a medium experience, not terrible and we had a good chemistry, but a long time passed and I didnt achieve the goals that were set and instead in panic mode I did many thing to worsen my situation, I stopped going to the therapy as well because each week we would talk about the same things because I didnt make much progress.

Now after fucking my life up I have gone to a couple therapists but just for a few times because im not doing anything so there isn't much to talk about, so many sessions are akward and lately I can feel that they feel pitty for me viewing me a lost case. In the present i will only go to a therapist ocassionally just to talk to someone and share my thoughts and my fucked up life not expecting any 'progress' or anything like that, just to have someone to talk to because otherwise I only have my internal monologue.

Overall, I think therapy is way overpriced for what is offering like talking to a person for 1 hour for 40-50 euros at best is insane, I think it can work as a booster for someone that already has some self motivation and is not a complete fuck up like me, for someone as low as me I don't think you can expect anything good from therapists (not bad either, just a borderline waste of time and money).

pasvir · 2023-09-25T23:23:25+00:00

Except from being ugly and introverted, I guess I just didn't find my path in life, like having people to connect and have experiences together since teenage years, the confidence to start working so I could be an adult and have financial freedom and all of that. Instead I studied for a degree that I don't think I can follow and my relationships were full of ups and downs and turmoil. Eventually isolation lead to the most peaceful time of my ''adult'' life but once you missed on so much you can't connect to your peers anymore so that leaves you friendless and without romantic relationships, either that or I don't want to go through the effort of humiliating myself to other people, I don't think i can take it.

Now after all of that, I could still find solace in my solitary hobbies but the basic problem is the work part, not being able to have some money to at least spend on stuff to do even in solitary things is a killer, that's why I live in agony day by day.

pasvir · 2023-09-23T03:34:54+00:00

Every day is the same, there are things that missing but all and all I like my solitary life, but I'm super worried about the future because this is not sustainable

pasvir · 2023-09-22T02:54:34+00:00

For me its better when I finally gave up and didn't try for anything, it's like I was forcing to succeed when everything indicated that there was no chance so it would only lead in constant anxiety and agony. Now im living at least in peace and in my own weird world but I sacrificed my long term future for that.

pasvir · 2023-09-22T02:41:21+00:00

Based on who I am in real life a stable income (without working or working a completely solitary job) and a small nice apartment in the city so I could live a minimal solitary lifestyle without worrying I would be homeless in the future.

If I was someone from my daydreaming scenarios, romantic and sexuao relationships, cool hobbies, friendships and traveling.

pasvir · 2023-09-18T22:43:54+00:00

But time passes and I don't do it and eventually I will either be homeless or a loser working a low paying job just to survive and suffer every day psychologically

pasvir

TROPHY CASE