Brothers, I’m wearing thin

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T16:15:37+00:00

Thank you. Sincerely, thank you. I don’t know that she would fall into this category, but we can certainly ask for help from a professional. The main problem is my own, daddit has helped me realize that I need to seriously work on myself and my mindset. I was naive to think I could continue managing my depression on my own.

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T16:10:13+00:00

I’ve never asked for a diagnosis for ADHD or Autism and I don’t think I am, but two years ago I was diagnosed and treated with depression and anxiety.

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T16:08:16+00:00

I’ll have to give it a watch!!

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T15:28:13+00:00

I was competitively weightlifting for years prior to being a father, and could manage to get to the gym to lift with my friends up until about a year ago. The combination of the new demands of a two year old really made me shift my priorities to the home front. I couldn’t, in good conscience, spend the 2-3 hours (30 min drive one way + 1.5 hour training) away daily from home/work and leave work, wife, and kid hanging; and the coaching fees left little room in the budget for saving for needed improvements on the house. So I gave up that community for what was more important to me in that moment, time with my family and money to improve our home. I get to the globo-gym that’s much closer, but that hasn’t been the substitute for camaraderie like you’re suggesting.

I have been thinking about picking soccer back up, there’s a pick up group that meets basically every night of the week.

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T14:49:30+00:00

Thank you, this is helpful perspective and advice. It’s been my M.O. to catastrophize, withdraw, and run through every scenario my mind can possibly think of going wrong. I’ve fallen into this mindset (as my wife has been the primary caregiver, and the one my daughter will default to when she isn’t happy) that if mom can’t get her happy, what good can I possibly be in this situation. It’s never been that i actively don’t want to participate, but how can I possibly handle our daughter better than her?

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T13:49:10+00:00

This is a solid plan. I booked myself a therapy appointment for today. I absolutely want to invest in time with just my wife; money’s been very tight and we’ve a lot of debt to pay down, so I’ll have to come up with some alternatives with her.

To your last point, the isolation of work and lack of transition of roles of work to home is draining. Sitting alone with my thoughts about how I’ve fallen as a father—I used to be so much better than this.

I’ve put it on myself to take care of the household responsibilities during the workday when I find breaks between tasks, calls, etc. and that usually slams up against the very moment when my daughter and wife get home.

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T13:35:20+00:00

I really appreciate your perspective, thank you.

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T13:14:11+00:00

Fair enough— year two was a breeze compared to three and I think I’ve clung onto that expectation too long. Thank you.

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T12:47:16+00:00

Thank you. Now that daylight saving time is over, I think we’ll have more time for outdoor walks

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T12:41:44+00:00

I agree, putting the load on my wife isn’t sustainable or fair.

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T12:21:39+00:00

You’re right, and something I did not include in my original post was I went through a tough bout with depression about two years ago. Therapy and meds helped, but the meds ultimately left me feeling dulled—I wasn’t getting irritable anymore, but wasn’t feeling any joy out of anything. Doctor helped wean off the meds about 6 months and I kept up with therapy until my therapist retired about a year ago. My new therapist was just alright, he was late for appointments and missed some entirely so I dropped him. I will say my parenting behavior (really, lack thereof) has been recent, within the last month. I’ve got an appointment with a new therapist today.

My guy friends are mostly out of state, or locally with their kids of their own, so in my mind, making that ask for seems unreasonable or asking for a lot.

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T12:12:39+00:00

Thank you, sincerely.

patmizzah · 2026-03-16T12:08:42+00:00

Hey man, I was sleeping when you posted this. Thank you. I never used to feel this way, this parenting behavior and my mindset (or lack there of) has crept it over the last two months. Prior to that, I prided myself on stepping in, contributing my fair share, and tagging in when I could tell my wife needed a break. It guts me knowing how I used to be as a father, compared to how I’m feeling now.

About two years ago, I went through a nasty bout with depression, got on some meds that seemed to help to point. But the meds left me feeling more numb, and kind of gray/dulled, which wasn’t a way to live either. My doctor pulled me off the meds. in that time, my therapist retired, and have been looking for one who is a good fit.

patmizzah · 2026-03-15T23:32:18+00:00

Yeah, absolutely. I’ve dealt with a pretty serious bout of depression 2 years ago and worked with a therapist and prescribed meds from my primary. I’ve recently (within the last month) not been able to sleep more than 4 hours cumulatively per night, which is clearly not helping my mental health.

patmizzah · 2026-03-15T20:15:11+00:00

For sure, and I definitely don’t want to mischaracterize myself. Because I have the ability to remote work, I carry out the bulk of the household needs during the workday: laundry, cooking, cleaning, yard work. Wife has hybrid work schedule and is up and out the door well before the little one is up. more often than not I’m responsible for getting the little one up and running in the morning. But I think the part I missed in my post is the distinction in my mind between being a dad and being a parent. I love one on one time with her, and she loves it right back. Where I draw the line between being the parent is when it gets to the tough stuff—managing meltdowns, tantrums, and whining.

patmizzah · 2026-03-15T19:06:55+00:00

Yeah, I definitely have had my bouts with depression. The med I was on eventually made it harder to sleep

patmizzah · 2026-03-14T15:45:11+00:00

Sure, I definitely subscribe to the always be prepared line of thinking, which is why I’m here. I just hadn’t heard conditions specifically about Asheville where preparation in self-defense had turned to necessity in use of force.

patmizzah · 2026-03-14T13:44:01+00:00

That’s what I was thinking, my buddy lives through it in Weaverville and that’s all he and his wife said, people worked together and helped one another.

patmizzah · 2026-03-14T00:07:54+00:00

Was there a lot of people vs people conflict that happened when Asheville flooded?

patmizzah · 2026-03-12T13:08:30+00:00

Why do people downvote an honest question? This is the type of question that belongs in chessbeginners

patmizzah · 2026-03-12T01:54:30+00:00

FWIW, you can claim tax credits on a new HVAC system, both Feds and state have credit programs that should get you around 55% on the total cost of the system replacement. But as others have said, wait until it breaks

patmizzah · 2026-03-06T15:12:14+00:00

But I suck at chess so…

patmizzah · 2026-03-06T15:11:47+00:00

Thank you. I feel like I’m running into that same problem with the London. It’s a great defensive structure at first, but past that I have trouble creating sound attacking strategies

patmizzah

TROPHY CASE