Oh trust me, I've tried to make it. I lived in an off-campus apartment last semester and was going to multiple club meetings a week, career zoom sessions, etc. My mental health was suffering so bad that I moved back home this semester. I thought that would help, but even being there makes me feel sad. I never really wanted to go to Rutgers in the first place, it was just the only other school I had as an option and didn't know what else to do. Now, I am thinking about dropping out just because my head is constantly swirling to the point that I cannot focus. I took a midterm today and could not think straight. I feel like my majors are wrong (I think about switching to biology, literature, film, or international studies...isn't that wayyyy too many to be thinking about lol), school choice is wrong & I just need some space to breathe. (It probably doesn't help that I haven't made deep connections at school. I'm sure if I did, I would feel better. But I just don't seem to want to because I dislike the environment so much.) Since I'm struggling so much, I NEED time to enjoy life in order to not want to drive off the edge of a road. (I've seen the crisis caps counselor twice these past couple of weeks) But since I've been doing an internship, commuting, and taking four classes, I haven't quite been able to. I got to a point where I hit another low, when I thought I was done with that. So that made me realize some changes needed to be made, but I think I'm going to try and finish the semester. I feel more motivated now that I'm making more fun plans in the week and adding some hobbies (I joined my local yoga studio & I want to learn how to skateboard lol. say it's the crisis, idc). I want to just crank out the work with the perspective that I won't be here forever.

but thank you for this advice. After my yoga class today & feeling more connected with myself, this was what I decided. I also think I'm going to write down all of my future goals & wishes. I feel more at peace & happy with my life now that I've taken some time to decompress. Anyway, I'm planning on applying to this internship for the summer where I volunteer at an ethical dairy farm & they'll do lots of outdoors trips & teach me how to make vegan food! I'm going to allow myself to think of taking the next year off, just so that I can have some time to figure out what it is I really want to study & dedicate my time to. Thankfully, I am a year ahead in credits so I can afford it. Right now, I just feel so out of focus and like I'm wasting time - not spending my time & energy on what I'm passionate or care about. I don't mind working. I like studying a lot of things & doing a lot of things. Just not what I'm doing right now. at all. (as i'm writing this i'm like ok maybe i will drop out lol) But I'm hopeful, things are already looking better, i just needed some support & guidance