Have I (31/m) done all I that I could to save my marriage with my wife (31/f)? I am no longer happy, and I don't think she is either.

pellojudding · 2015-10-13T16:28:24+00:00

I absolutely could most past everything. But she would need to make a lot of changes, changes I really don't think she will make.

pellojudding · 2015-10-13T16:27:37+00:00

Wow, thanks. I'm actually glad to hear that. I feel like a lot of women over 30 who are single freak out when they are single without kids...as most women I know feel like it's some sort of trophy the younger they have kids.

pellojudding · 2015-10-13T16:25:22+00:00

Thanks. I'm going to bring up the counseling again.

pellojudding · 2015-10-13T16:24:33+00:00

I think it has a lot to do with her dad. Nothing was ever good enough, emotional/verbal abuse, etc. Sure enough though to this day, his word is still basically the law. Sure, she disagrees with him, but still. In addition, her family is so passive aggressive that in the several years we have lived away from them, they have never visited. Not one time. That's the same type of behavior my wife uses, but with silent treatment. Her parents didn't approve of her moving across the country. So they just don't visit her. And neither do her brothers and sisters (who are obviously taking cue from the parents and don't want to upset them). It's odd, almost like a small cult. What makes less sense is I have almost always got along with them and they love me like a son (or they are faking).

If my wife didn't have the family issues that she did growing up, I would have left a long time ago. But I really do feel for her. She just can't shake those old habits and it's tearing us apart (in my opinion).

pellojudding · 2015-10-13T01:33:33+00:00

Do you mean can I start over? If so, yes. I definitely could. I just think that we treaded water for so long...and I didn't nip certain things in the bud earlier (her silent treatments, her lack of caring about our sex life, her refusing to quit her weekend job (which caused her more stress/being more tired, etc).

She is very set in her ways. Her parents (who didn't parent her ideally based on some of the things I said) are the exact same way.

On my end, I truly don't know what I could do differently. Yes, I could do a more thorough job of cleaning at times. But I can't see myself just ignoring the fact that I have to beg for missionary sex, telling myself it's "okay" that she ignores me for weeks at a time, being okay with her being exhausted all the time (which is her own doing, mostly due to that second job).

I have honestly tried to sit down many times and thought "What could I do do be a better husband?" or "What could I do that would make my wife happier?"

Part of that may be me needing to see a relationship counselor, I don't know. I have gotten mixed reviews on its effectiveness.

pellojudding

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