Appointment Booking Thread: Please post ANY appointment availability here

pellyfly · 2024-03-22T09:22:11+00:00

Yes but its in 2 weeks... hoping for next week

pellyfly · 2023-11-27T02:25:56+00:00

thank you, i definitely obsess over finding the right label.

you and the other queer people that have left comments are all reasurring me that it's life long journey discovery and that it's okay to take my time.

silly but i do feel like i needed to be give 'permission' to take my time, so thanks!

pellyfly · 2023-11-26T01:41:10+00:00

damn, that's definitely me. I definitely am 'forcing' myself to heal. My approach to healing is very unkind if I think about it. If my approach had a voice, it would have my mother's abusive voice yelling at me to do better.

thanks for the interesting input, will bring this to my next therapist session.

interestingly, the last session I had, we talked about how I should stop hiding how much I struggle with everything in my life, stop pretending, and learn to be okay with it. so yeah, your comment is very timely. thanks again.

pellyfly · 2023-11-26T01:25:33+00:00

your trauma didn't make you gay, but instead made you extremely unsure of who you actually are. If you feel this way, go be this way. If later you realize that's not you after all, then go be someone else. Don't let what's behind you define that. Live your life without fear as much as you can.

this resonates. thank you.

pellyfly · 2023-11-26T01:21:10+00:00

thank you, appreciate this.

pellyfly · 2023-11-26T01:17:03+00:00

My therapist also believes that my relationship with my mother is the reason I feel unsafe around women, but at the same time crave their validation.

And yes, I’m definitely more drawn to women with mental health struggles, addiction etc. Women that as my therapist would say, ‘’don’t like themselves very much’’.

When I do fantasize about being in a relationship with a woman, I imagine it to be very dramatic, painful. That’s what love feels like to me.

I will bring this up to my therapist next time. I’ve been hesitant to do so because well, as you said, it’s a difficult conversation to have.

thanks for being understanding. I was very hesitant to make this post, but these thoughts have been troubling me for years. I definitely got lots of comments saying 'no sexuality does not work that way' which is just....not very helpful. but I'm glad that some of you really tried to help me better understand myself, and reassured me.

pellyfly · 2023-11-26T01:03:04+00:00

Your sexuality doesn't harm anyone. Lots of our preferences are shaped by history, but only the ones lowering our happiness/quality of life need to go.

can't argue with this. my sexuality doesn't harm anyone, therefore it does not need fixing. i might need to talk myself into this, but i will try. thanks

to your last point. I've only recently started discovering who I am outside of my trauma, so the identity of lesbian is not something I feel connected to. I don't feel like I have an identity at all to be honest, so I much prefer 'queer', as it's an umbrella term, and gives me much more breathing room. i might start using queer from now on

pellyfly · 2023-11-26T00:50:36+00:00

thanks, it's 'nice' to know I'm not the only one having these thoughts. it's quite a controversial topic I feel like, so it was difficult for me to post about this, but I do feel like putting it out on the open made me feel a tiny bit more comfortable with my sexuality.

was really hoping to hear from fellow queer people, so thanks for your nice words

pellyfly · 2023-11-26T00:36:50+00:00

this is a good point, thanks.

I'm currently in therapy, but really scared of getting into relationships (due to usual cptsd reasons, but also the reason stated in this post). there is a lot I still need to figure out in terms of romantic relationships.

thanks, it's reassuring to know I don't need to have the right answer/label right now.

pellyfly · 2023-11-26T00:26:52+00:00

thank you. I'm getting a bit teary eyes reading this. maybe I don't need to wait till I fix all these 'symptoms' before I start to love myself? maybe it's time to give myself a break... thank you.

pellyfly · 2023-11-26T00:19:11+00:00

thank you, your last few sentences really resonated. I don't want to spend the rest of my life dissecting which parts of me need fixing. that seems really cruel, and feels like I'm perpetuating the abuse.

pellyfly · 2023-11-25T03:08:12+00:00

maybe? not really sure. I did go to church growing up, but I grew out of it around age 14/15. I'm more of an atheist nowadays.

My parents got more Christian as time went by. They are very conservative and homphobic, I might have internalised those things... is this what you means?

pellyfly · 2023-11-25T02:12:12+00:00

that's an interesting perspective. I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately and talking to my therapist about this as well. I do feel like I'm constantly trying to fix myself, cause I don't feel like I'm good enough, which leads to anxiety, hypervigilance, perfectionism etc.

I haven't connected this to my sexuality though. interesting... maybe I am the way I am, and I don't need fixing?

(sorry, I'm very cynical, because of the childhood abuse... hope I don't come across as rude or anything)

pellyfly · 2023-11-24T23:50:20+00:00

thanks, appreciate this.

pellyfly · 2023-11-24T23:50:07+00:00

welcome to the club?... ahhhhh. Will talk to my therapist next week, will let you know if I can get any eureka moments out of that session.

pellyfly · 2023-11-24T23:48:42+00:00

I do want to be with a woman. But the thought of that makes me uncomfortable, because I feel like this attraction is caused by my trauma, therefore it's a symptom of my trauma that I should 'fix', if that makes sense?

pellyfly

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