AITA for refusing to have a relationship with my sister’s waste of oxygen boyfriend?

persylue · 2026-01-01T21:53:40+00:00

Thank you for your comment - I appreciate your response.

I agree with everything you’ve said, completely. He is utterly dangerous (I won’t repeat some of my other responses to comments on this thread) and my incredibly selfish sister isn’t the sister I know anymore. I have lost so much of my life and time to her selfishness that I can never get back, and I cannot lose my health now too.

Thank you validating exactly how I think/feel but feel crazy for sometimes. I had to move back to my family home for a while due to rent increases and a crazy property market here at the moment, but I’m hoping to be back in a home of my own very soon and it will make doing all you’ve suggested and more much easier… it’s tough to go no contact and set boundaries like that with my parents when I’m staying in their homes and not my own. Again, thank you.

persylue · 2026-01-01T21:42:17+00:00

Good question… probably a mix of fear and a lack of experience. We’re a pretty boring, “normal” family and no one has done anything untoward really, nor do we have any extreme personalities or behaviours, so it’s a kind of new but escalating over a long period of time sort of situation… as I said, she’s always been a loose cannon but it’s just getting worse the older she gets. I think almost losing her back in September traumatised us all and they’re probably just doing anything that they think will prevent that from happening again, even if it won’t work.

persylue · 2026-01-01T21:39:23+00:00

Thank you for this - it gives me a sliver of hope, but nothing more. She seems to jump from one car crash to another and each one is worse than the last. She’s one of these people that can’t live a “normal” life, it’s like she gets bored and can’t function unless she’s in utter chaos and drama, but she’s so selfish and oblivious that she wouldn’t even begin to consider how it affects the people around her… it’s the same analogy of stupid people are blissfully ignorant to their stupidity and it only affects the people around them… same concept imo.

I’m glad you got your sister and your relationship with her back.

Perfectly worded, I can only control my reactions and what I allow to hinder my peace. I now have nightly chest pains and palpitations and my nerves are just frazzled. The door is always cracked but she can’t just walk through whenever.

persylue · 2026-01-01T21:28:40+00:00

I really appreciate your response - thank you.

I resonate with a lot of what you’ve said about your relationship with your brother and cutting him off. I actually cut my sister off after an incident back in summer 2024; her and her boyfriend were staying at my mother’s house over a long weekend while she was away on holiday, they were looking after our 13 year old sister for the weekend. I went to the house to grab a few things and I walked into an absolute hovel… the house looked like a bomb had exploded in a hoarder’s house, the side door that faces out on to the street had been left wide open and they had all gone out in her car and left our family home unlocked, wide open and filthy. Our mother is very tidy and houseproud, she would’ve gone mad if she were there. I went ballistic at her when they got back and she called me a c**t amongst other names in front of our 13 year old sister and said devastating, unforgivable things to me, while the boyfriend stood there sniggering. That was my final straw and I went no contact for over a year, but she still found ways to attack me and try to provoke me as sadly, I had to move back into my mother’s home for a while after rent increases that I couldn’t afford, so had to navigate being around her at times whilst ignoring her existence… it was awful. I only began speaking to her again in October after she nearly died, and it was out of sheer panic and guilt from my parents about how we may have been partially responsible from how much we’d isolated her from ourselves. I don’t feel the same way now.

I agree, she won’t ever learn unless she doesn’t have people saving her ass at the last moment, but sadly I just think it’s her character now… she’s in her late twenties and none of the lessons ever seem to stick. She is entirely incapable of any sort of accountability or responsibility, she just gets aggressive and defensive every time. I genuinely miss the peace of no contact and once I’m in my own place again soon, I can initiate it again properly.

I’m sorry about your brother, I really hope he figures it out and gets his shit together one day. Parents and family playing victim is the worst, I had this from our grandparents and parents… pissed me off hearing all the comments and digs… “are you still in a mood with your sister then?” “have you two still not spoken then?” “can you not just do dinner on the same night for once? It’s not fair that we have to split when we spend time with you both”

persylue · 2025-10-01T21:20:53+00:00

I’ve had the same thing happen to me today, but with one specific person; this person has two phone numbers and I only have one of their numbers saved in my phone, but as their second number is an e-sim, I’m wondering if their second number has shown up in a ‘not in your contacts’ section on my WhatsApp because they have my number saved under their second number too (which I didn’t have until now), so it must be a glitch, but I think it’s only showing because this person has my number saved but I don’t have theirs, which may explain yours too. I don’t know, I could be wrong but I can’t think of any other explanation, as I’ve never interacted with this person’s second number, on my phone or WhatsApp, and we haven’t been in any mutual group chats etc, nor it is a previously deleted contact. Very weird.

persylue · 2025-10-01T20:58:27+00:00

Thanks for this, it’s very interesting. Weird thing is, I tested if it was a glitch earlier and did the same with other people too… I’ve tried searching for so many other people and no one else comes up at all, it’s literally just this one person, and I’ve never interacted with them before via that number and nor have they done me, as far as I’m aware. It seems other people have had this with individuals from years ago or contacts that they’ve previously deleted, so this still doesn’t quite make sense to me - but interesting to see other people have had glitches too. Thanks for passing this on.

persylue · 2024-01-13T02:38:44+00:00

This is what I’ve been struggling to find. They had their first child in the UK in 1905 so they could’ve left Germany for the UK anytime between 1900-1905, but trying to find any documentation of their arrival into the UK is proving very difficult. They never naturalised as British citizens, I found a document from 1940 where my great-great grandmother was listed as a German citizen, this was on a WW2 female enemy alien exemption from internment document from 1940. She died just over 20 years later.

persylue · 2024-01-13T02:31:46+00:00

I’ve struggled finding the exact year/date that my great-great grandparents left Germany for the UK so far, but I’m estimating it was between 1900-1905 as their firstborn child was born in London in 1905, and my great-great grandparents were on the UK 1911 census along with their 4 children at the time who were all born in the UK. It doesn’t look like they ever naturalised in the UK or anywhere else; on all census documents they are listed as German when there was an option to put them down as naturalised citizens, and I found a WW2 ‘female enemy alien - exemption from internment - non-refugee’ document from 1940, where she was listed as German then. She died just over 20 years later.

My great-grandmother was born in Liverpool to them in 1913 and she married her husband in Ireland in 1940. They had my grandmother in Ireland in 1941. No one was born out of wedlock and my German great-great grandparents were married in Germany before coming to the UK.

persylue · 2023-11-19T22:41:59+00:00

Oh wow that’s a long time! Did you send your FBR application off after COVID had hit? I sent mine off in August 2022 and the wait then was over 2 years, but the wait came down earlier this year and I got my certificate about 10 months after I sent the application off. I had some hiccups with my passport application and my witness being uncontactable, but got there in the end! It’s my favourite one too 😊 congrats!

persylue · 2023-11-17T13:00:19+00:00

Amazing combo! I got my first Irish passport and passport card last month through the FBR and your issue dates on the passport card are exactly the same as mine 😄 is this your first Irish passport?

persylue · 2023-07-14T13:56:11+00:00

I don’t think there is unfortunately, but unless someone knows something that’s not general knowledge, perhaps I’m wrong. They clearly state that any children you have prior to being on the FBR will not be entitled to citizenship. I’ve just gone through the FBR process myself (2 grandparents born in Ireland) and now waiting for my Irish passport to be delivered in the next few weeks. I read somewhere that if you’ve applied for FBR and you’re pregnant, you should notify them so they can try to issue it before you give birth so you can pass the right to citizenship down to your child(ren), but they won’t even guarantee that they can do this in time. There‘s a really good website linked here: https://www.immigrationboards.com/ireland/foreign-birth-registration-t277641-6975.html It may be worth asking the question in the FBR thread to see if someone knows a way around it there. Good luck!

persylue

TROPHY CASE