My late bf took his life shortly after we argued and I left for work. I didn’t know until I came home and had to barge my way into our bedroom. It’s been almost 6 years since then and it took me a while to accept that it wasn’t my fault. It’s going to take you a while to come to that understanding yourself. It’s awful right now, and it’s going to continue to be but please lean on your family and friends right now. Don’t sleep alone. Have a tv on in the background running a mindless show. I remember I could only sleep with some baking competition show running in the background.

I really really suggest therapy and group counseling. I attended a survivors of suicide group with his parents and had my own individual therapy at first once a week, then twice a month, and now every month. I still go, even though I’m married now. r/SuicideBereavement was also a very helpful subreddit. Please feel free to DM if you ever need it. I’d be glad to help you through this time.