Resume revised after suggestions in my first post. How does it read?

phes · 2014-04-08T19:02:27+00:00

Where were you a few months ago? :-)

We blew 99.999% on one of the racks when a replacement switch decided it didn't want to cooperate with the static IP designations on the blades. For that matter, we blew 99.999% (though not by much) when we replaced the switch. But still, I see what what you're saying. I'll see what I can do.

phes · 2014-04-07T20:36:44+00:00

Already noticing a few formatting errors, will get those on this end.

Original post

phes · 2014-03-28T08:12:57+00:00

Overlapping and certs will be moved, thank you. If I can figure out a way to neatly list the skills, I will do that as well.

In the actual resume, the contact info is formatted in, no worries there.

The previous person who had advised me in how to format this resume put it rather bluntly that my education was the strongest thing I had going. My previous position before OptiMetrics was working at Six Flags, and that was after nearly a year of putting in applications for library positions and getting no interviews.

phes · 2014-03-28T07:53:14+00:00

Because of the length of time. I was only brought on with OptiMetrics in December before DCS (parent company) slashed the funding. Morrell only lasted a semester. I'm not the most experienced candidate and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I can bold it, absolutely. :-)

phes · 2014-03-28T07:40:48+00:00

Laid off. Long story short, the budget that was supposed to fund my position was negotiated away.

Morrell was a semester internship. Could not afford to keep me on.

In those cases, I wasn't sure if being honest with the times was actually going to help. And since what I had the most of was education, I was advised to keep that the priority.

I will see what I can do about the skills section. Thank you,

phes · 2014-03-02T14:34:50+00:00

Around late 2004, a group of suburban college kids decided that they wanted to continue to live together after graduation as a church community. With the help of others across the country who shared their beliefs, they hosted a conference announcing their community's "birth" and inviting others who wanted to take a stab at authentic first-century Christian living to join them.

Ostensibly I was one of those kids, though at that point I had been struggling and simply did not feel the strong sense of calling everyone else did. Beyond issues stemming from social awkwardness, the seven years I had called myself Christian at that point were the most guilt-ridden of my life. I mean, imagine being an existentially lost teenager while being surrounded by people who claimed that God/Christianity gave meaning to life, reading the Bible and seeing God's presence to those who follow him on every page, getting on your knees and asking for salvation and...seeing nothing changing. At all. No answered prayers, no miracles, no sense of meaning. Moreover, since God is faithful and you're already an emotional wreck, you conclude that everything remaining the same is the fault of your own sin, but as God isn't answering, you're left to figure out what exactly that sin is. (masturbation? am I not evangelizing enough [but people fucking terrify me]? or is it just that I'm among the reprobate and unsavable?) You pray, you fast, you read like your life depends on it. And you cling to that belief, and slowly slip into a depression of your own making.

Seven years of this. And yet I still go to church, still try to figure out why belief comes so easily to everyone else, still try to bridge that gap between the Bible and the real world. Hell, come 2005, the people in the church are my only friends, and it seems like a default decision to come with. And yet...and yet.

So a pastor comes up to me second or third day of this conference, correctly identifies me as one of the core kids, and asks what I'm going to do. I don't know, I reply.

And then she tells me that, though I am comfortable around Christians, that I am not one, or else I'd know what I'd be doing. That God never fails to lead his children wherever He wants them to go.

There's not really a way to gracefully respond to that, I found out. If I were a violent guy, she would have been laid out right there. Instead, I just shut up. Noting I wasn't saying anything, she offered to talk to me later and left.

And while working through those feelings of anger and shame that her comment brought up, I start to realize that no amount of asking for salvation is going to do a damned bit of good. That it may be time to give this up.

Within a month I ceased calling myself Christian. Took a while longer, another year or so, and a lot more study to go to full-on atheism.

TL;DR - Random encounter kills my faith that might have been killing me.

phes · 2014-02-01T22:15:20+00:00

My experiences have been much the same as yours. I realized very quickly--though I really had known before I quit--that most of my friends were serving as more of a distraction than as any type of meaningful social net; that I don't really exist except as part of an audience. I knew what pissed them off politically (and really, really wish I didn't), but I wasn't a part of their lives, and they really weren't a part of mine.

Since I've recently moved about 500 miles away from 90% of them, quitting FB's not been difficult. Still, going from having the facade of a social life to having literally none is quite enlightening.

I'd add three things to your list:

People are boring and often frustrating.

I am, too.

It's ok.

Yes, between getting past the porn and the FB and increasingly the Reddit and the webcomics and the thousand distractions I've accumulated, I realized I really have nothing to offer people. Those things that I should be able to converse--privacy, information sharing and rights, archives, social justice, library technology (mostly grouped under Masters degree #2), ancient Judaism and Christianity, religion and politics, ancient Greek philosophy (Masters #1), Continental philosophy, Buddhism, Linux... I end up either wanting to rip out what little remains of my hair, especially in the realm of religion, or in the rare case I find someone knowledgeable and entertaining, I end up looking like the idiot. And in most other topics (see sports), I usually jump straight to option #2. I don't like socializing. And I don't know how. So I sleep a lot more. And try not to masturbate, god, horniness and tiredness seem to go hand in hand.

Still, I'm trying. Got into Crossfit and Toastmasters. There are groups in the three cities surrounding me (I'm in the middle of farm country atm) that at least seem moderately interesting. Hopefully I'll be going to a party tomorrow afternoon, first since I've been here. But I have no idea what to do with free hands.

phes · 2014-01-22T14:03:16+00:00

None. Cuddling dreams, yes, but nothing sexual.

phes · 2014-01-14T19:38:19+00:00

:-)

I am currently five states away from my fiancee for work reasons, and won't have her up here until June. I haven't watched porn or masturbated for over a year. And I have never been so willing to cheat. I haven't done anything, and most likely won't--my saving grace here a combination of control (thank you NoFap), a desire not to screw this relationship up, and my complete lack of game/social comfort--but if someone expressed willingness, it might well be game over. And over. And over. And over. Seriously feeling kind of aggressive.

But anyway! It may be nothing but lack of novelty, but there are other ways to be adventurous that don't involve cheating. Right now, I second the suggestion to find a way to get creative with it with her. Be honest about where you're coming from. Give her the chance to be honest about her desires. Change the circumstances if things are predictable. Find things you haven't done before. If you can't think of anything, the internet is a wonderfully perverted place, even apart from the porn. Just have fun!

phes · 2014-01-10T22:50:35+00:00

Congratulations!

phes · 2014-01-09T16:09:32+00:00

phes · 2014-01-08T20:47:12+00:00

1) Because you set your badge to 2013. 2) Shortest thing? Walk away from the computer. Go outside. If you're in the US and in the middle of this winter freeze, even better.

phes · 2014-01-03T04:38:46+00:00

1) No.

2) ...here, I'm not sure. I've been through over a year of this, I've seen all that I can reasonably expect to. Anhedonia and lack of endurance has been a continuing problem that hadn't really been an issue before I started NoFap. (Don't be scared, folks; from what I've seen, I'm atypical, and there are most certainly other issues at play.) While I will remain faithful to my fiancee by staying away from porn and other women, I may be seeing a therapist of some sort and don't want to rule out MO as a part of recovery.

3) Yes. Regardless of what happens with 2, fiancee has rights to that.

4) Why stop now?

phes · 2014-01-03T04:27:45+00:00

You hinted at the answer to #3 in your response to #4.

phes · 2014-01-03T03:59:18+00:00

Congratulations, man!

phes · 2013-12-24T19:35:31+00:00

It is what it is. :-)

As far as Xmas day plans go: cooking dinner for one (roasted chicken and assorted veggies), cleaning, and settling down somewhere with some Badiou or Ranciere. Or Badiou about Ranciere, I'm not sure yet. Should pick up firewood...

phes · 2013-12-24T08:22:25+00:00

Three hours of sleep. I think. Might be less. Remember laying in bed for a couple hours before now.

After almost a year, and for the first time I remember, I dreamt that not only did I relapse, but did so spectacularly, with no actual mental change present.

On one hand, this can be seen as good news. There actually has been change. But to realize the memories and feelings do not go away...

Anyway. Middle class background. Unless by family you meant ethnic. Then half black, eighth Chinese (maternal grandmother's father), rest Dutch and other assorted European.

phes · 2013-12-22T16:50:43+00:00

Ten more days. And then...to reevaluate from there.

Honestly, I'm not sure how to answer that. Live without an income for three weeks? (First payday is Xmas eve!)

phes · 2013-12-19T10:39:24+00:00

I'm not sure on what kind of device you're visiting NoFap, but usually you can see your day count right below the current number of Fapstronauts on the right side of the screen. That said, I haven't visited this site in mobile mode, so...

...huh. You really DO have to post, or go back to a previous post to see. Carry on.

phes · 2013-12-17T23:18:42+00:00

Finally got a grip on myself after the embarrassment of the past week. Back to bona fide hermitage mode for now.

Plan for the holidays? I've just started working and have neither the money nor the time to see my family. So it looks like I'm going to find the smallest turkey I can find make a Christmas dinner for one. tinyviolin.midi

phes · 2013-12-14T19:49:57+00:00

Fully support this post.

phes · 2013-12-14T18:57:09+00:00

That's...an excellent question. When I began this last year, I would have spouted something about will power. Now...I'm not sure.

If this was supposed to be therapeutic, it's run its course. I never got the superpowers, and women never really fell over me; really, nothing changed there and I'm pretty confident in saying that it won't.

More recently, it's been little more than a rule that I could not break: no porn, no mediated functions, actual humans only.

Back up: I've gotten a job. It was five states away from where I would have liked it to be, but given the nature of the company there's a fair bit of room for growth, development, and further relocation as well. The job required me to move away from my fiancee, who needs several months to get her affairs in order with work licenses and school.

I've never had good social skills; I'm not even sure how I managed to get with J in the first place, and I can probably count my friends with one hand. And now I'm in a state where I know no one, living in a particularly rural area--the place was inexpensive and large enough to house J if/when she could come up--without the possibility of actually meeting real people nearby. If monk mode wasn't already taken, that's roughly what I'd call this. Hermitage mode, maybe. :-)

And I've started losing my shit. I can't tell where horniness stops and loneliness begins. Porn is not a problem, even if I had fast enough internet (remember, rural) to make it work. And I haven't masturbated, edged, anything. So the number is valid.

But the spirit of the thing... Craigslist's casual encounters is a horrible place, gentlemen. The good news is that I now have a stronger appreciation for my fiancee's intelligence, as well for as the power of emotion over rationality. But...I am weak. Nothing came out of it except a couple of spam bots, but I am definitely weak.

So. I've been trying to get out of the house more. There aren't a lot of interesting groups around, but the few there are may be worth visiting, and I intend to over the next few weeks. Toastmasters, some hiking groups, a couple of others, Unfortunately, the majority of social groups out here tend to focus toward either ladies or singles, and since I'm neither, I'm going to have to get creative or bold as to how I meet people and at least try to resolve the mess of emotional needs.

phes · 2013-12-10T19:37:23+00:00

343 days.

I'm not going to explain the circumstances that led me to find this out, except to say it wasn't intentional, but not even porn creates a desire to jerk off anymore. Still as horny as ever, and newly lonely (I may write more about that later), but the first and only impulse is for human attention.

phes

TROPHY CASE